I'd like to talk to you all about Jesus

[itsmeJonB]

I grew up Catholic and Jesus was a pretty amazing character in this book we were forced to read.
His mom was a virgin, he was an only child, his dad was God.. He could fight crime if he wanted.

When Jesus was a teenager not much happened as the son of God so the book fast forwarded to his early 30s. I don't know about you but if I had magical god powers as a teen I'd totally use it to pick up chicks.
Anyway, Jesus was a hebrew mexican laborer who was a carpenter. Not much was said about his skill in carpentry in the book so we dont know if he was any good.
He gave that up and became a street performer, like David Blane, only he had a better beard. He once cured a leper and made a blind man see.
One day Jesus and his gang of misfits were having dinner and he told them it was time for him to die. They were like, why? And he was like, unlucky number 13 ratted me out.
This one time before that his homeboy Judas kissed him, and he was like hey! And Judas was like, no homo.
Now, even though its specualted that Jesus was Jewish himself it's clear that the Jews are the bad guys, don't be mistaken. Jesus is a Christian, he has Christ in his name, dont be dense.
He was crucified and everyone got mad, even thought he said it was supposed to happen.

Three days later he rose from the dead.
​

 

[Dana]

Interesting

 

[itsmeJonB]

It's all written out makes it true

 

[Minor Axis]

Where is the smiley? Here I'll add one->

 

[itsmeJonB]

Where is the smiley? Here I'll add one->

jesus talk is serious business, no room for smileys

 

[Minor Axis]

What are you trying to accomplish with your post? Enlighten, convert, entertain?

 

[itsmeJonB]

inform

 

[canidae]

Three days later he rose from the dead.

And then what happened?

 

[Minor Axis]

If it makes you feel good, it's certainly your right to repeat previously disseminated unverifiable material as fact. That is what preachers do.

Call it your faith- no problem. Describe it as verified history or fact, and I'll be on you like a duck on a June bug...

 

[Codrus]

if he was a mexican carpenter/laborer shouldnt we say "hey-sues"? instead of jesus.

either way its a big fairy story...............entertaining, yes........true, NO

 

[itsmeJonB]

I think you are missing the part where i stated the story must be true. God wrote his biography is that best selling book

 

[Staci]

i believe that i heard that same speech from peter griffen of the family guy?

 

[itsmeJonB]

And then what happened?

when zombie jesus rose people were like oh man he must have really been the son of god.

jesus appeared to his companions and told them about his second coming and how they must spread the word about the end of the world as depicted in revelations. This colossal event will be called Y2K.
Jesus then rose to heaven.
Fast forward about 1800 years in the year c1800 and he still hasnt shown up. But his biography has been published so peopled are still waiting.
An angel appeared to Joseph Smith, a Mormon prophet, and explained to him that what he had for him were missing scriptures of the original Bible, but only he could read it.
Joseph Smith published the new books of the bible that I, as a Mormon, have read. And it clearly states that Jesus was not Jewish, he was white. Along with Adam and Eve, the first people on this planet a little over 100 years ago. The garden of Eden was in Jacksonville, Missouri, and Native Americans were white like Jesus, and later turned red as a punishment from God. Duh.
​

 

[Meirionnydd]

If it makes you feel good, it's certainly your right to repeat previously disseminated unverifiable material as fact. That is what preachers do.

Call it your faith- no problem. Describe it as verified history or fact, and I'll be on you like a duck on a June bug...

I think he's being a little tongue-in-cheek here.

Quite entertaining.

 

[MoonOwl]

:24:24:

You forgot the part where he married Mary Magdalene and she was pregnant w/His kid when He was killed and how She was then skirted away to France to be hidden from those who would want to kill Their Daughter....

Mary always gets the short end of the story...... Pisses me off.:cool

 

[Tim]

I grew up Catholic and Jesus was a pretty amazing character in this book we were forced to read...

​

Joseph Smith published the new books of the bible that I, as a Mormon, have read...
​

So you started out Catholic and ended up Mormon... I guess Scientology is the next step followed by Heaven's Gate. Oh wait, you are a little late for the Heaven's gate crowd, that ship has sailed.

 

[Codrus]

carefull moon, that goes against the religious majority..........your going to be branded a heretic and burned at the stake for withcraft (i'll tell them you turned me into a newt,........but i got better)

 

[itsmeJonB]

:24:24:

You forgot the part where he married Mary Magdalene and she was pregnant w/His kid when He was killed and how She was then skirted away to France to be hidden from those who would want to kill Their Daughter....

Mary always gets the short end of the story...... Pisses me off.:cool

Now, as a Christian, you must understand I know the real story.
Mary Magdalene was a whore. She came onto Jesus even after he told her, hey! I'm a man of the cloth! I don't go into your workplace and try to whore it up. She later left town and returned while he was being crucified as the devil incarnate.

 

[MoonOwl]

Now, what would you expect powerful men to write down for History? That Mary was a powerful woman or just a common whore? Gee, let me think on that a second...:24: Oh that's right.... They left her 'Chapter' on the floor when compiling the BigBook.... Freaking men. I guess she wouldn't do them for all the gold they'd offered her?:fing27 hehehehehehehe... Freaking men.

 

[itsmeJonB]

Now, what would you expect powerful men to write down for History? That Mary was a powerful woman or just a common whore? Gee, let me think on that a second...:24: Oh that's right.... They left her 'Chapter' on the floor when compiling the BigBook.... Freaking men. I guess she wouldn't do them for all the gold they'd offered her?:fing27 hehehehehehehe... Freaking men.

She also invented the Easter egg