Does monogamy really exist anymore?

[rio^Love]

I'm sure you all know I think monogamy is way overrated.

That said, I have been happily married for 6 years. (Although not all that monogamously)


In the situation you are talking about though, I agree with CB... perhaps he needed a reason to break up with her.

Mormon or swinger?

 

[All Else Failed]

I personally would love to be in a monogamous relationship. I like the idea of two people sharing each other's love and getting to know everything about them. Its very romantic. Although, there is a side of me that wants to remain single...to do what I want etc etc. Duality of man I suppose.

 

[Butterfly]

Mormon or swinger?

Um, swinging and Polyamoury

 

[Ria]

I agree, but I just find it so fucking stupid of this guy, and keep in mind, I've known him since around 7th grade, almost 5 years, maybe longer, to break up with his girlfriend when she cheats on him, and knowing what kind of pain that caused him, he does it to some other girl. What an asshole.

Could be that he even used that girl he went off with first, for 'revenge' towards the first one he was with.

Then, job done, he needed to get rid of her and go with another - or he is on a long trail of 'revenge' (in his mind at least maybe) and he is doing a trail of girls to make the first g/f feel unwanted and to make her jealous/annoyed and beg for him to go back to her?

That said, I still believe that there is monogamy, but is only approximately 50/50 these days.

Be realistic and realise life isn't a fairytale. You will have some highs but many more lows. True love is when you can stick together through these, realise that life is far from perfect and know you'd rather go through it with that person than on your own.

This is so lovely and I agree Peter - if only my ex had thought of that huh?

 

[icecuban]

i find many people to be in monogamous relationships, i just wonder how many people live with mental monogamy, which to me is the only monogamy. Loo,k but dont touch is a cheap form of monogamy, which only leaves the door open (for lots of people) to want to make fantasy thoughts an actuality, if the moment was ever to occur. If the mind is where all physical feelings must move through, in order to be experienced, then why is the theory of "look but dont touch" ok in most relationhips (and if not "ok'd", certainly performed in excess!)?

 

[All Else Failed]

No matter how much a man loves his wife, he'll always find other women attractive. Thats not bad either, as long as you don't act on it or become obsessed with the thought of other women.

 

[icecuban]

No matter how much a man loves his wife, he'll always find other women attractive. Thats not bad either, as long as you don't act on it or become obsessed with the thought of other women.

My point exactly, who says that this is the case. I bet if you asked any man or woman this, they would fully agree, but i find it to be less natural, and more detrimental to the overall love itself. I'm sure it ranges so far as to men (or woman, dont forget it goes both ways for sure), as to thinking about other people, just to get off during sex, or get arroused for that matter.

I think that if you love the woman, or whatever, its comes naturally to see them as the only one, and all else as sisters and brothers, but no one does that, because no one really cares, i think, and no one wants to disrupt the secret mental candy that is stockpiled in a humans life . If a person can not find it in themselves to devote that part of their brain to their loved one, then what else do they fail to do in life, when it comes to commitment or devotion? It may sound harsh, but to me, its a harsh reality that Ive perceived from many a person. Those who agree that it happens so much, seem to do nothing about it, and remain in some state of ignorant bliss, and those who disagree, the same stagnant ignorance.

 

[Peter Parka]

Fancying other people when in a relationship has nothing to do with not caring, its just about biology!

 

[icecuban]

and its not the obsession over specific others, or obsessed with always oogling, but that the potential is always there, and the noticing of others in that way is never thought about and examined as a danger instead of some saving grace we have from cheating on our significant others.(and i dont say restrained, because i know how many people are very proud and hate that word, even if it is to provide a good change)

 

[All Else Failed]

Yeah, its not like when you get married or something to that extent you just stop being attracted to other females. You just have to stay faithful to the one you committed to.

 

[icecuban]

Fancying other people when in a relationship has nothing to do with not caring, its just about biology!

its like a record ive heard from so many, biology, lol. biology changes as we change, think about it. We dont want to get rid of an animal occurance that takes place, because we find it enjoyable, when the mind changes, as does the biology.

 

[icecuban]

i think that on the majority, a person finds it ok to look at others, yet cannot help but feel mad when their loved one does the same, or puts themselves in their shoes, and tries to feel their thoughts. when hypocracy in the mind arrises, something has to be done about it. Either never get mad at your loved one for thinking sexually about someone else, or stop all together.

 

[Peter Parka]

i think that on the majority, a person finds it ok to look at others, yet cannot help but feel mad when their loved one does the same, or puts themselves in their shoes, and tries to feel their thoughts. when hypocracy in the mind arrises, something has to be done about it. Either never get mad at your loved one for thinking sexually about someone else, or stop all together.

I couldn't care less if my missus looks at other blokes that way as long as she dosen't do anything about it. Self control and trust are far more important in a relationship.

 

[icecuban]

but maybe its also biology and a superiority issue for people that they get mad for having their loved one look around, lol. Quite the chineese finger trap our genes have put us in, lol.

 

[icecuban]

but its biology for a man to spread his genes, we have so many sperm, right? so why should woman get mad at men for not wasting his thread?

if u dont mind her looking at other guys, dont get mad at other guys returning those flirting eyes from across the bar, behing your back! because he's just doing as everyone else seems to do. and since no one is touching each other, its all good.

 

[icecuban]

i mean, is it really that hard? do you think that you will just loose interest in your mate, if thats all you looked at? that would be sad, if that was true, because the whole eating the same food (mentally) every day thing gets old, is bs. i think that if a person stops doing that, they build up more for their loved one, has even more inside to give. then, impotance would never happen!, lol. If your woman asked you to never look at another, or if u asked them to do it, even for a week, could you, or them, do it?

 

[Peter Parka]

but its biology for a man to spread his genes, we have so many sperm, right? so why should woman get mad at men for not wasting his thread?

if u dont mind her looking at other guys, dont get mad at other guys returning those flirting eyes from across the bar, behing your back! because he's just doing as everyone else seems to do. and since no one is touching each other, its all good.

Yup, I don't get mad at other men eyeing my woman up, in fact it makes me proud that other blokes fancy her.

 

[icecuban]

i only ask, because you bring up self control. If you say that you wouldnt want to ask her to do anything that doesnt happen naturally, then why would someone have to control anything physically, if thats how its meant to be, just go out and do it then right?

 

[Peter Parka]

Its quite natural to want to rip someones head off or stab them to death when they make you angry but I'm sure you wouldn't condone that!

 

[icecuban]

Yup, I don't get mad at other men eyeing my woman up, in fact it makes me proud that other blokes fancy her.

And i can almost garentee you that she greatly enjoys it too. Because, if you havent noticed, most woman (and men) in relationships stop carring if their loved one thinks their hot, and more if society, or others, think their hot. And it wont be you who got her juices going that night, but some other bloke. You may get the goods that night, but to me, its mental sloppy seconds, and your just a tool for her.