Dating other races?

[HK]

I just had a very interesting work lunch where the 50+ years old accounts lady moaned to us about how her daughter is dating a boy whose parents are Nigerian (he was born in Birmingham) and how terrible it is. To the extent that her husband phoned their daughter up and asked why she was breaking his heart, why couldn't she date a white man.


I'm used to the much, much older generation having some prejudices still in that regard, but this woman is only 50ish.


Is there still a big stigma with dating people outside your own race? I once turned down an asian guy online, because we were talking and getting quite friendly, but I knew he was very religious. I always look to the future and since I wouldn't be happy bringing my kids up in a religious household, I broke it off - which would have been the same if he'd been a white christian.


Would you be happy with your kids bringing home partners who had different backgrounds? I'm curious about how strong a feeling this is among people, particularly of a certain age.

 

[jassilem]

I would prefer he date someone the same race as him.

Not because I care what race the person is.. But cultural, religious and language factors.

 

[Abcinthia]

I couldn't care less if any of my kids want to date someone of another race. All I care about is that the person makes them happy and treats them right.

 

[acctnt shan]

Is there still a big stigma with dating people outside your own race?

I know with my parent's generation there still seems to be, and of my friends, the ones who "date outside their race" always seem to be doing it just because they want to piss their parents off (okay, OBVIOUSLY that's not the only reason, but it was always the kids who grew up with super strict or conservative parents that seemed to bring home a person of the one race that would absolutely drive their parents nutty).


Would you be happy with your kids bringing home partners who had different backgrounds?

I don't think this is a clear-cut yes or no for me... SO many factors would come into play. Are they good to him/her? What are their values like? Do they have a good future? Are they close with their parents? etc. etc. And I think that you're more likely to get answers to those questions that you agree with when it's someone who was raised similarly to you - which is usually someone of the same race and/or religion.

---------------------------------

As for my own feelings, I don't consider myself racist... however, I do believe a little bit more in the over-all general truth of some stereotypes than I think some people do. I admit to passing some judgments upon first appearances, however I'm 100% open to being proved wrong when I meet someone.

Personally, I've never been attracted to anyone black or Asian. Doesn't mean it wouldn't happen. It just hasn't happened yet. And to be honest, a part of that is probably a sub-conscious aversion to other races due to the fact that I know that I'd receive a bad reception to it from my family. I'm really close to my family, and it would break my heart if I couldn't share such a huge part of my life with them.

 

[Sneakiecat]

This has always been a complicated thing in my family. My paternal grandmother is Cuban. My mother hates her, to the point that we rarely saw my nana growing up. My mother swears that my grandmother offended her several times but every times she talks about her, it's the strange food she cooks, her accent, her religion. There's so much tension and hate and anger. All of us kids knew it even if my mother tried to hide it. My brother dated a Cuban/Colombian girl for years that my mother (not so) secretly hated. She was polite to her face but would make snide comments after she left. I do believe my mother has relieved that they eventually broke up. My mother told me directly that as much as liked and enjoyed having a black co-worker around (who kind of became a surrogate son to my parents), that if one of us kids ever started dating a black person, she would be disappointed and offended.

I honestly don't care who my son ends up with, as long as they are happy.

 

[Zorak]

Nope wouldn't care.

 

[Darrell]

I couldn't care less.

 

[Panacea]

I'm white. My parents are pretty "benevolently" racist, and I'm with a latino. I'm sure they're uncomfortable with it to some degree. My dad says a LOT of really stupid things about his upbringing that just aren't true and shows he has no idea what happens in South America lol. I think they would treat him well, and they like him, they're just ignorant.

His family probably isn't thrilled either, deep down, but as immigrants I'm sure they probably expected interracial/ethnic dating was possible for their children. Apparently they made a joke congratulating him for "advancing the race"...
On the other hand I assume my parents might be sad their grandchildren would potentially not be fully white. :\


Anyway, race doesn't matter compared to culture and religiosity for me. Happy and safe is the ultimate goal.

 

[acctnt shan]

"benevolently" racist

LOL never seen that phrase before... I know a lot of people that works for, haha.

 

[HK]

Personally, I've never been attracted to anyone black or Asian. Doesn't mean it wouldn't happen. It just hasn't happened yet.

I can relate to this, I live in a predominantly white town so I figured I just don't meet enough people from other races to judge!

Anyway, race doesn't matter compared to culture and religiosity for me. Happy and safe is the ultimate goal.

This is what I think. The idea of one of my children marrying into religion is far more worrying for me than different coloured skin

 

[Francis]

Is there still a big stigma with dating people outside your own race?

I think that depends on how much a person expects you to change.. If you make it very clear you do not plan to change and than expectations are not what they were, that's the other persons fault for making assumptions.. Race and religion are two separate things.. You could be white and Asian and both have the same religion.. How you want to practice that religion is up to each persons devotion..


Would you be happy with your kids bringing home partners who had different backgrounds?

No problem at all with it in fact my daughter is dating a native Indian boy right now.. Has been for almost two years. I think I would only seriously take a hard look if they started pushing views that are contrary to what we have believed all our lives.. Some that may be detrimental to the family or my kids themselves or their offsprings..

Basically we do live in a world where you cannot judge a person by their race, colour of their skin or religion before you know them..

 

[Panacea]

Funny thing is, my fiance and I grew up in different parts of the world our whole lives, speaking a different language, witnessing different practices of the same religion...different SES, different family dynamics........ but we're nearly identical.

It really is amazing.

 

[dancingpotato]

I asked my parents (who are in their early 50s) one time how they would feel if I dated a black man (I never have, it was just one of these things I decided to ask). Their response was it would not bother them but they would be concerned on how other people may react. This was years ago when I was about 16. If my kids wanted to date someone of a different race, it would not bother me either, but I would be concerned about other peoples thoughts and reaction towards it.

Interestingly enough, my mum was round at my Grandparents house the other week and were talking about my step-cousin and how she brings round her friends babies to visit (My Granny loves babies). One of friends has twins, who have one parent who is mixed race and one parent who is white. My Granny referred to the babies as being "quarter cast" and that their Dad must be "half cast". My Mum was horrified (as was I when she told me) and said to them that that sort of termininology was unacceptable. They just don't get it though and say things like that without thinking. This would concern me if any of my family started dating someone of a different race.

 

[TGLucario475]

My parents are mixed race, white British mother and Black African father. I'm kinda iffy on dating people of other races, but that's my racist side of me, but I wouldn't really care too much regardless as long as they could accept that I'd joke about it.

 

[satinbutterfly]

It wouldn't bother me about dating someone of another race. My family wouldn't care as long as they treated me right. However, we're my maternal grandparents still alive they would probably have a big issue with it. But they were raised in TN, so a different cultural aspect there.

 

[hart]

I wouldn't care, I have dated black and Iranian men. By and large just don't find Asian looks attractive. If Evan was to date someone from another race I wouldn't care, I don't think his father would either. His mother, I don't know, frankly I think as long as she liked to shop she'd get along with her....

 

[NoDak]

My parents are mixed race, white British mother and Black African father. I'm kinda iffy on dating people of other races, but that's my racist side of me, but I wouldn't really care too much regardless as long as they could accept that I'd joke about it.

Question: Did you have any difficulties with, being a mixed race child, acceptance with your peers growing up? Were you treated any differently?

That would be one of my concerns if my son or daughter was with someone of another race. I try not to be racist but, in my part of the country, not a lot of mixing going on as other races are, truly, a minority.

Funny thing is, if a white woman, here, dated a black man, other white guys would be making unkind remarks about them. If a white man dated a black woman, not much is said. Any difficulty I might have with my child dating someone from another race would be because of the bred-in stigma and the concern of how any of my grandchildren would be treated by peers.

 

[fuel1316]

I couldn't care less.

this..

 

[porterjack]

to hell with other races i would date an alien

 

[Panacea]

to hell with other races i would date an alien

This is too easy, but we have an alien on our very own forum!