I would tie you down to a work bench and take a sander to your flesh. Eating it raw, until it is red and slightly saturated in blood. I would then cover you in sea salt. Once that dissipates, I would cover you in gasoline and light you on fire.
I just got out of the shower. Now while youre distracted with that fact, i'm going to towel whip you until your skin is gone. then i will stab you with my ex girlfriends high heels that she sneakily left here.
I would tape fish hooks to a broom stick. In nice rows, with the pointy ends pointing down. I would then shoot you in the belly with a 22 and ass rape you with the broom stick untill your intestines hung out yer ass like a blowed up cup of ramen noodles. Then I would throw fire ants all over your body and make mean jokes about how ridiculous you look.