If You Dating A Person With A Child

[Jezzebelle]

Also if her hard time finding sitters, means that she cant afford a proper sitter... you could always offer to support her choices, and pay for the sitter yourself so that you can spend time with her, and respect her decision.

 

[Thornless]

Also if her hard time finding sitters, means that she cant afford a proper sitter... you could always offer to support her choices, and pay for the sitter yourself so that you can spend time with her, and respect her decision.

Good advice.

 

[Dana]

Also if her hard time finding sitters, means that she cant afford a proper sitter... you could always offer to support her choices, and pay for the sitter yourself so that you can spend time with her, and respect her decision.

It's not a matter of money but a matter of someone who she thinks she can trust.

 

[Thornless]

Can I post a helpful link here for childcare? About half the people on this site have full back ground checks available, reasonable rates and you can read their reviews form people who've hired them. I believe they are all over the States... it's like the nanny/sitter facebook. lol

 

[Natasha]

Can I post a helpful link here for childcare? About half the people on this site have full back ground checks available, reasonable rates and you can read their reviews form people who've hired them. I believe they are all over the States... it's like the nanny/sitter facebook. lol

If you're asking from a forum rules standpoint, you are absolutely fine to post that link.

 

[Dana]

you have mentioned here time and again that you don't want to have kids and you are dating someone who has a child, so if things got too serious would you back away?

I have also said that I am open to women with children already. Besides that I'm always open to change my mind. Things happen and life's path is not set in stone.

 

[Dana]

If you're asking from a forum rules standpoint, you are absolutely fine to post that link.

She posted it in my rep and Thank you Melissa. I am going to pass that along to her next time she logs on.

 

[Kat]

Jumping in here late...But I think the time depends on situation and the parent. For me I had actually known my current bf for about 6 years...Being a neighbor he already knew my kid. And I knew how he was with kids. (He'd always stop by and say hi to My sister and me, and my daughter and My sisters kids whenever he saw us outside.) So she was part of it from the start really. Though it did take me about a year before I would leave her alone with him to run to the store and such. I trusted him from day 1, but still waited until I was completly comfortable before taking that step.

Him and my kiddo joke about it now anyways. He tells her he loved her first even before me lol makes her turn into a grinning goofball. Heck I think I was already half in love with him back then just cause of that. Going on almost 3 years now and she thinks of him as her dad and he, his daughter. What works for me may not work for others though

 

[Kat]

Though I have to add there are also people Ive known for just as long...that still do not know my kid. Though with these few I dont make it a point ot see them that often anyways. If I do not trust completly....you arent coming near my kid (or me really lol). Especially if you push the issue

 

[Aeval]

Though I have to add there are also people Ive known for just as long...that still do not know my kid. Though with these few I dont make it a point ot see them that often anyways. If I do not trust completly....you arent coming near my kid (or me really lol). Especially if you push the issue

Yep..exactly. If *you* want to date a person with a child, you have to realize it's an entirely different ball game. The kid is #1 and that's it, that's all, and that's how it should be. If you push the issue, you're creepy and too demanding.

 

[Thornless]

If you're asking from a forum rules standpoint, you are absolutely fine to post that link.

I found a loop hole while I waited. I can post it if anyone wants it, it's a neat site.

 

[Joe the meek]

I have a realistic take on things. I'm not looking for anything that is asking too much. I'm just calling it how I see it. You may not agree with me and that is totally fine. My problem is she was trying to predetermine a set amount of time. I say let it happen when it happens. Too many people over think things.

Sounds like a smart woman.

Can't help but wonder how long you're going to last with her

The problem with "let it happen when it happens" is that generally, people can be lazy. This woman, by setting a time frame, no matter what the events are in her personal life, is holding to her requirements (for letting her children meet those who she is dating), which considering is related to her children, shows remarkable parenting skills, particularly IMO if it's a good amount of time (to meet the children)

I've personally found working through a volunteer organization, that you set rules and procedures in place to prevent future mishaps that you LEARN by from experience. Perhaps a rule make not make much sense to you, but in reality, those procedures are in place to save people from disappointment and wasted time.

 

[Dana]

Sounds like a smart woman.

Can't help but wonder how long you're going to last with her

The problem with "let it happen when it happens" is that generally, people can be lazy. This woman, by setting a time frame, no matter what the events are in her personal life, is holding to her requirements (for letting her children meet those who she is dating), which considering is related to her children, shows remarkable parenting skills, particularly IMO if it's a good amount of time (to meet the children)

I've personally found working through a volunteer organization, that you set rules and procedures in place to prevent future mishaps that you LEARN by from experience. Perhaps a rule make not make much sense to you, but in reality, those procedures are in place to save people from disappointment and wasted time.

Are you saying I'm not smart because of my personal opinion on a situation? Well played jab sir, I'll give you that.

 

[Joe the meek]

Are you saying I'm not smart because of my personal opinion on a situation? Well played jab sir, I'll give you that.

Ignorant. There is a difference, and that is to your favor

 

[Dana]

Ignorant. There is a difference, and that is to your favor

I'll also give you ignorant; if by ignorant you mean by the definition uneducated. One can clearly not be educated in the life experiences of having a child when one has never had one. But I do however have a realistic outlook.

 

[AnitaBeer]

But that's the thing, it's not realistic from the view of those looking out for their children.

 

[Joe the meek]

I'll also give you ignorant; if by ignorant you mean by the definition uneducated. One can clearly not be educated in the life experiences of having a child when one has never had one. But I do however have a realistic outlook.

You don't have a realistic outlook, you have an uneducated outlook, there is a difference.

 

[AUDRAA]

I think it depends on the age of your children also. Dana you say you were 10 when your mom introduced you to who she was dating and it wasnt an issue and thats what worked for you but there are so many other factors as moms that we look at more than just well it worked for this person so its gonna be ok for me, not the case at all!
If I read this right shes not even divorced yet? Divorce is hard on kids, how close is this child to their father? Bringing in another man at this point may be an added confusion to a child already struggling with the fact of where daddy is now. Male vs female children emotionally react differently based on maturity levels mom suddenly having to share her time with someone new may be difficult for them. She has issues with who she thinks is good enough to care for her child saying her standards are very high on this level, this says shes not going to introduce someone who she is just getting to know herself into her childs life which makes things more complicated not only for them but her too; you may not be alone with them caring for them but in a sense you will if you are spending time with them both. She may not be ready to divide her time with you and them at the same time and place yet. In all honesty if this is bothering you if I were the female I would be thinking twice if you were the right choice for me based on this. I would personally find it selfish of you not having your own kids to be second guessing my choice on how I parent. You should be glad she isnt introducing any guy she meets to them, this shows she doesnt want her kids to think that mommy brings guys home all the time and then they just stop showing up and then she brings in another one. These are just a few of my thoughts, not meant to be rude but to give you a few more thoughts on anothers point of view on the issue thats all

 

[Joe the meek]

If I read this right shes not even divorced yet?

If the woman isn't even divorced yet, we move from ignorant to just plain stupid.

 

[AUDRAA]

well I was giving her the benifit of the doubt that sometimes it takes people awhile to actually get the process done and not knowing the law for his state I know some make you wait awhile months of not living together before you can even start the paperwork