If You Dating A Person With A Child

[Francis]

im gonna throw this out there.....once you have a child your "you" time is less restricted. and yes you can keep personal life and family life seperated...especially when you consider your child's feelings/impressions over your own "lusts" at the time. some people will put relationships with a boyfriend or girlfriend over the relationship with their own child. i have always told este that my kids come first. i even had the discussion that if my son didnt like him we were gonna have some issues. the way i look at it is...my kids will always be my kids, however men can come and go.

Those two things I highlighted are so key..

Like I said in my post, I will NEVER get another son like him.. And Staci knows how amazing I think my son is.. Almost as much as she thinks her daughters and son are..

And I have always treated my daughter equally.. She is much older and there lies the difference..

I just realized Staci and me have a lot more in common than I realized.. :eek

 

[Staci]

Those two things I highlighted are so key..

Like I said in my post, I will NEVER get another son like him.. And Staci knows how amazing I think my son is.. Almost as much as she thinks her daughters and son are..

And I have always treated my daughter equally.. She is much older and there lies the difference..

I just realized Staci and me have a lot more in common than I realized.. :eek

OMG...say it aint so

i had a guy tell me before that he was more important than my son......told him to fuck off!

 

[Aeval]

i had a guy tell me before that he was more important than my son......told him to fuck off!

OMG...what an idiot...appropriate response for sure!

 

[Francis]

OMG...say it aint so

i had a guy tell me before that he was more important than my son......told him to fuck off!

You are teasing me of course.. :willy_nilly:

 

[Staci]

OMG...what an idiot...appropriate response for sure!

and even more appropriate response was when i told our circle of friends that my 1yr olds penis was bigger than his


i can be a mean bitch sometimes.......LOL

 

[NoDak]

Another thing to consider, Dana, is that you will always play second fiddle to her child. If you and she have something planned and, at the last minute, the sitter can't make it, or whatever, your plans just fell into a heap. You will be missing time spent alone with her due to the child becoming ill, school functions, family occasions, anything involving the child will come first. If you can't handle that idea, break it off now rather than drag it out.

 

[Aeval]

and even more appropriate response was when i told our circle of friends that my 1yr olds penis was bigger than his


i can be a mean bitch sometimes.......LOL

I fucking love it!:24:

 

[Francis]

and even more appropriate response was when i told our circle of friends that my 1yr olds penis was bigger than his


i can be a mean bitch sometimes.......LOL

No Fucken Comment.. Mean Bitch.. :24:

 

[Francis]

Another thing to consider, Dana, is that you will always play second fiddle to her child. If you and she have something planned and, at the last minute, the sitter can't make it, or whatever, your plans just fell into a heap. You will be missing time spent alone with her due to the child becoming ill, school functions, family occasions, anything involving the child will come first. If you can't handle that idea, break it off now rather than drag it out.

Being a step Dad, that's not a big factor if you truly mean to be there.

Making sure the child is comfortable with you and the environment it is being brought up in is first and foremost important and those things should be the first thing you consider even before going out with a single parent.

Once you finally get exposed to the child, you must view that child as one of your own.. That is a very tough thing for many step parents to do..

Making a child priority number 1 for most single people who are not blood parents often don't have the same connection to a child but it doesn't mean you cannot grown that connection. Its earned not given. That's the biggest leap to take and why most single parents usually shield their kids from others..

It's hard to give up going out with old friends, parties and drinking at inappropriate times. Being responsible takes on new meaning..

Say you finally get to the point of the child meeting someone as a "friend" but try becoming Dad / Mom to a child that is not your blood at an age of awareness.. All hell breaks loose when discipline must be enforced..

 

[redliner]

F rules. Do what feels right. For both partys.

 

[Natasha]

I think everybody pretty much said what I was going to...but the bottom line, Dana, is that it's not your decision to make. And honestly, if it's going to be that big of a deal to you, if I was her I'd be wondering whether or not I wanted to get involved w/ you. Her kids have to come first...and you have to respect that. If you don't think it's fair to be made to wait, then roll out...but this sounds like the most promising prospect you've had in a while. I wouldn't be so quick to want to punch out.

 

[AnitaBeer]

I don't understand what it matters that she can't get sitters.
Are you meaning while she works she can't get someone to babysit? Or so she can go out?
If it's for her to go out then I'd recommend her wait til she knows people she can trust with her kids. Not people she just met.

Also, if this is the lady that is just finalizing her divorce, I wouldn't even bother with a situation like that just yet.

 

[alice in chains]

From what I can tell new divorcees have so much bad emotions going on from their last spouse that they're basically desperate to find a turnaround partner to vent to, which is wrong foundation, or completely turned off by dating all together until the wounds heal.

 

[Jezzebelle]

If anything happened to my husband and I, and I was dating again... I think I would give myself an inner rule of when to introduce anyone to my children, probably AT LEAST 6 months to a year. I like to set rules for myself, so that when I would be put in a situation, emotions wouldn't cloud my better judgement. It's just to protect my children from becoming attached to someone, then they also have to go through the break up. It's not fair to them and can be really hurtful and damaging. I certainly wouldn't waste any time on anyone who would want to pressure me on whatever MY choice for MY children was, when I barely know them.

 

[Francis]

My last comment on this, I swear..

If she was to put anyone ahead of her children, really think about her priorities.. Because that will mean she has no concept of what is "really" important.. Now I have no idea if that is the case but I am just throwing that out as a point to consider. If she is not making her child the number one priority she would make you the last thing on her list as far as boyfriend..

I don't know a devoted parent who would not give up a kidney, lung or even their life for their children..

 

[Dana]

I've said my part.

 

[Kakapo Dundee]

My kids spent a long time on IM with my second wife before they met her. But when they met her, it was only a week after I did.

 

[Thornless]

When you are ready to meet S/O's kids is when you aren't taking about or asking to meet them, that's the first sign you might be ready to meet them.

Even then, it's the parents choice as it their children. Nothing you can say will convince them you are ready, so stop bringing it up.

The fact they are keeping their child's best intrest in mind is a a good thing, if it were me, I would do thea sme thing.

 

[pjbleek]

you have mentioned here time and again that you don't want to have kids and you are dating someone who has a child, so if things got too serious would you back away?

 

[Aeval]

Dana, have you met this woman yet, face to face, or has it all been online? Sorry if I should know this...but I've been away and I'm trying to play catch-up.