bad news brought up a slight issue

[Kat]

well we got a call today...my bf's dad died...so he leaves wednesday to go to flordia for a few days I guess for the funeral...and to see his family...he was talking about bringing the baby...but we dont have the money for me to go too so it would just be him and her...for i think 3 days.

I wish i could be there for him but I dont really want him to take her with him...he says his grandparents would love to meet her (we were/are supposed to be going down there by feb. at least) part of my reason is that I want to be there with him when they meet her...so I can meet them too...but the biggest reason is that he has spent basically no more than 20 mins watching her at a time before this...even when i ask for time he always passes her off to me again...and im not sure I can handle her first time away from me overnight to be out of my control...meaning I want to be able to go get her if I cant deal with it yet...where I knew I could do that if it came to it....plus I will admit I am a little worried to how he's gonna be with dealing with her 24/7 for a few days.

yes he is great with her....but as I said he has never really spent more than 20 mins at a time taking care of her before.

i dont want to sound selfish with this...I ach at the pain he's going through...it breaks my heart that i wont be able to be there in person to support him through this especially since he wasnt on speaking terms with his dad and the last time they spoke they fought...I want to make him happy

but I go through anxiety on a regular basis and I dont think I can handle her being that far away without me this soon.

any feedback on this would be welcome...thanks

 

[Kat]

the crappiest part about this that completly breaks my heart...i always hoped things would work out with him and his dad...but now my little angel can not meet either of her grandfathers...mine died when i was 12.... i hate that she misses out on that *sniff sniff*

 

[Bagel]

its rough.. i get seperation anxiety from riley sometiems and hes only a block or two away. i seriously doubt he woudl be irrisiposible withthe baby and on the upside the babies grandparents wont let him either ..tehy ahve a way of motivating dadies to do what they are supposed to.
i'm not telling ya what yous houdl choose..but look at it thsi way..

1.) it wont be just him
2.) it gives you a chance to do soemthignw ith yoru house,and possibly get a littel me time..you'll miss the baby the wholw time but you will appreciate the break from the responsability for a day or so.

3.) if you get an anxiety attack or soemthing..use your phone to call him.. or calla freind..and talk to somebody rather than leaving yoruself to your own mental devices

 

[Bagel]

the crappiest part about this that completly breaks my heart...i always hoped things would work out with him and his dad...but now my little angel can not meet either of her grandfathers...mine died when i was 12.... i hate that she misses out on that *sniff sniff*

riley knows all his grandparents, but his great-grandparents that are alive..he probably won't ever meet on my moms side..its a very broken family.. i'm just glad that crystal's side of the family is so close (even with the gossip and minor bit of backbiting)

 

[Kat]

last time he went to flordia his phone didnt work....and no one picked up the hose # he gave me...I know he'll be responsible but its hard to trust them too tho if he decides to take a break while hes there...that'd mean I'd be trusting her to people I've never met...what if something happened and we dont have the money to get me there....I may be over reacting but I almost had a panic attack when he mentioned it...

he said we could talk about it tomorrow...but the other thing is if he really wants to take her...I dont want to get into a fight about it with him if I decide I really dont want her gone...worst time for a fight...

i could use the me time def. but since Ive never gotten more than 20 mins away from her (unless she was sleeping which isnt really away from her)...its hard that the first time will be for days...not hours

 

[Bagel]

yreha i can see what you mean. if it coems down to it your gonan ahve to decide as her mother that you do not want her to go..you have a right to be protective

 

[Bagel]

for arguments sake how old is she?

 

[Kat]

just turned 3 months on the 2nd

 

[Bagel]

ahem bardon me for being blunt

but hell no

i am sorry but 3 months is two young for any kind of road trip..period..i was tenative to take riley anywhere till he was 6 months, farhtest he went was a 30-45 min drive to visit his grandmother and crystal was beside him the whole way

 

[Kat]

ahem bardon me for being blunt

but hell no

i am sorry but 3 months is two young for any kind of road trip..period..i was tenative to take riley anywhere till he was 6 months, farhtest he went was a 30-45 min drive to visit his grandmother and crystal was beside him the whole way

that was my other problem...and a very big one especially considering it will be a flight down to flordia... *shudders*

 

[Bagel]

flight????


umm..no....andi mean that..right now..

no 3 month old baby is getting ona commercial flight if i can have my way

i'm sorry bo..but no..even if you were going kat..no way

 

[Kat]

i've always been terrified of planes...now even more so...I was hoping that when we made plans to go there I could convince him to take a train...

even tho doctors say once the baby hits 2 months its safe for them...umm...theres other things that make me feel unsafe about it

 

[Bagel]

..i wouldnt condone it..if it was riley it owuld have to be soem kind of dire situation before i'd let him fly anywhere

 

[Kat]

I honestly might be more ok with it if I were going...even this young...because of it being for his dads funeral...but since Im not...its not sitting even marginally ok with me

 

[Bagel]

if you don't go hte baby doesnt go..period.. and you should stand by that..to young to be flying off to people she's never been around with no mommy available

 

[Kat]

if you don't go hte baby doesnt go..period.. and you should stand by that..to young to be flying off to people she's never been around with no mommy available

Thank you bagel...i think I'll be able to handle him asking now...especially cause at first I thought it was just me being weird...now I know another great parent thinks the same way...I feel better about the situation

 

[Butterfly]

Although I understand why her dad would want to take her with him, I have to agree with Bagel... NO freakin way!

Flights aside, a baby that young is VERY dependant on their mother. She will most probably flip out totally at some point in time during the few days that they are away... she doesn't know yet that she will be back with mommy soon... to her, she will just feel abandoned by you.

My son is almost 2, and he still hasn't been away from me for more than 20 minutes. If I don't go, he doesn't go.

 

[Kat]

Although I understand why her dad would want to take her with him, I have to agree with Bagel... NO freakin way!

Flights aside, a baby that young is VERY dependant on their mother. She will most probably flip out totally at some point in time during the few days that they are away... she doesn't know yet that she will be back with mommy soon... to her, she will just feel abandoned by you.

My son is almost 2, and he still hasn't been away from me for more than 20 minutes. If I don't go, he doesn't go.

Thank you also butterfly...I thought about that but didnt know how to put it into words...now I just have to hope he doesnt act stubborn on this point cause I really dont want to fight with him right now about anything especially her...I have till tomorrow to figure out how to phrase things if he even brings it up again

he may bring up that Ive gone to the store without her for an hour before...which is only because it was soo cold and i didnt want her out in it...but I had control of the situation and always rushed home as quick as possible...hes already planning on taking her to his moms house tomorrow night...for an hour or 2 and im not even comfortable with that...I want to ask to go with him but I dunno

 

[Charmer]

I think Bagel and Butterfly said about everything I would say. 3 months is too young, especially when it will be about his Dad and the funeral and your daughter won't get the attention at that time, so I would say no, it's not the right time. I'm very sorry that his Father died, but to bring your daughter there, especially if you won't be there with her, wouldn't be, in my honest opinion, a comfortable, secure environment for her. She's too young right now.
When things have settled down and money has been put saved, then visits to relatives can be made. The best place for your daughter is with you, her Mom; that is the safest, most loving place she could be. God Bless you both.

 

[Kat]

thank you charmer...at the begining of this i was unsure...but you all just reinforced my reasons against thank you everyone