Doctor, :24: Not the answer I was expecting, but a funny response...it was a kind of trick question
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Doctor, :24: Not the answer I was expecting, but a funny response...it was a kind of trick question
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Dr. D..... I broke a laugh (more than a haha.... sort of a hahahahaha) at the 'poke' the inmate thing. I do get your point. 
Do you want those that you reply to with their questions to make a comment back? To thank you or to toss things at you. I know how awfully busy you must be.
Do you want those that you reply to with their questions to make a comment back? To thank you or to toss things at you. I know how awfully busy you must be.
Hello again! Dr. D here to answer the masses, teach the classes, and tap those asses.
Our next question comes from darkangel! She wishes to know:
"Why do AA batteries not last long? Even the lithium ones for electronic devices. How can you get the most life out of a AA battery?"
Very good question!
In a technology driven world we find ourselves constantly having to replace and recharge batteries. It can get annoying. Especially if it's for something that one would keep in the nightstand by the bed. Which is why I recommend only using adult accessories that plug into the wall. Sure, you may get electrocuted, but who knows? Maybe you're into that sort of thing and just don't know it yet.
I've spoken to many women about their B.O.B.'s (battery operated boyfriends) and have found something very interesting. Some women will give them a nickname. For example, one patient of mine called her's "Jesus". Blasphemy aside, I asked why she named it that. She said "Because it works miracles." Which makes sense on some level. However it makes one wonder several things: "Did it have 12 other toys following it around?" "If the batteries die, does it come back 3 days later?" and "Can it turn water into wine?" Answer to the last one: "Yes, if you use it in the shower during certain days of the month."
The next question comes from RedRyder:
"Do you want those that you reply to with their questions to make a comment back? To thank you or to toss things at you."
Yes, comments, feedback, items thrown at me (panties especially) are welcome.
Our next question comes from darkangel! She wishes to know:
"Why do AA batteries not last long? Even the lithium ones for electronic devices. How can you get the most life out of a AA battery?"
Very good question!
In a technology driven world we find ourselves constantly having to replace and recharge batteries. It can get annoying. Especially if it's for something that one would keep in the nightstand by the bed. Which is why I recommend only using adult accessories that plug into the wall. Sure, you may get electrocuted, but who knows? Maybe you're into that sort of thing and just don't know it yet.
I've spoken to many women about their B.O.B.'s (battery operated boyfriends) and have found something very interesting. Some women will give them a nickname. For example, one patient of mine called her's "Jesus". Blasphemy aside, I asked why she named it that. She said "Because it works miracles." Which makes sense on some level. However it makes one wonder several things: "Did it have 12 other toys following it around?" "If the batteries die, does it come back 3 days later?" and "Can it turn water into wine?" Answer to the last one: "Yes, if you use it in the shower during certain days of the month."
The next question comes from RedRyder:
"Do you want those that you reply to with their questions to make a comment back? To thank you or to toss things at you."
Yes, comments, feedback, items thrown at me (panties especially) are welcome.
My apologies to AnnaBabyx. Her issue is:
"I can't stop singing!"
Well, Anna, this is not necessarily a problem in and of itself. Perhaps it could be a problem if you were singing songs that start with the lyrics "The house next door to me's been sold to..."
"I can't stop singing!"
Well, Anna, this is not necessarily a problem in and of itself. Perhaps it could be a problem if you were singing songs that start with the lyrics "The house next door to me's been sold to..."
Simple question from darkangel:
"What do you do to stop hysterical laughing while reading your posts?"
Simple answer from the good doctor:
I don't encourage people to stop. I encourage them to fully embrace the advice I offer and live by it. Every way, every day.
"What do you do to stop hysterical laughing while reading your posts?"
Simple answer from the good doctor:
I don't encourage people to stop. I encourage them to fully embrace the advice I offer and live by it. Every way, every day.
satinbutterfly
Miss Piggy
Dear Dr. D,
How do you feel about canes and telekinesis?
Love,
Satin
How do you feel about canes and telekinesis?
Love,
Satin
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Hai there everybody! Time to reach deep down inside the pants of wisdom and fish around for whatever may lie down there!
The next question comes from Satin! She wishes to know:
"How do you feel about canes and telekinesis?"
Very good question!
For those of you who are not familiar with the term, telekinesis is the ablility to move things using only the power of the mind. It comes from a Greek word that means when translated "HOLY SH** HE JUST MOVED THAT F**KING ROCK BY LOOKING AT IT AND SQUINTING!!!"
It can truly be a wonderful talent to have. Many practical uses. The ability to move things just by thinking of them can be awesome indeed. Many uses that perhaps most people would not even be aware of. Are you a single guy? No more having to worry about one arm being bigger than the other anymore. No sir! Plus if you're into some back door action, then have at that as well. No more smelly fingers!
Women too can find practical application of this talent. Seeing as how they have so many things to do, the ability to take care of everything at once can be most handy. (Pun may or may not have been intended).
Some people confuse this term with the other power of the mind, telepathy. Maybe their heads were hurting at the time or some other reason when they confused the two. Regardless, telepathy is the ability to read the mind of another person. It too comes from a Greek word that means when translated "Get the hell out of my head, and stop trying to find out how big my boobs are..." It can also be a wonderful talent to have. I use it all the time. Let's say I'm out for a night on the town. I walk into a bar and instantly I know who of these fine ladies will be the most likely to stay knocked out the longest from sleeping pills.
As far as canes go, they have many uses. Helping the elderly to walk. Helping me beat the elderly if they don't get out of my way fast enough. And most importantly, adding sex appeal to you if people say you remind them of Dr. House. Which I do. Truth be told, Dr. House reminds people of me.
NEXT!
The next question comes from Satin! She wishes to know:
"How do you feel about canes and telekinesis?"
Very good question!
For those of you who are not familiar with the term, telekinesis is the ablility to move things using only the power of the mind. It comes from a Greek word that means when translated "HOLY SH** HE JUST MOVED THAT F**KING ROCK BY LOOKING AT IT AND SQUINTING!!!"
It can truly be a wonderful talent to have. Many practical uses. The ability to move things just by thinking of them can be awesome indeed. Many uses that perhaps most people would not even be aware of. Are you a single guy? No more having to worry about one arm being bigger than the other anymore. No sir! Plus if you're into some back door action, then have at that as well. No more smelly fingers!
Women too can find practical application of this talent. Seeing as how they have so many things to do, the ability to take care of everything at once can be most handy. (Pun may or may not have been intended).
Some people confuse this term with the other power of the mind, telepathy. Maybe their heads were hurting at the time or some other reason when they confused the two. Regardless, telepathy is the ability to read the mind of another person. It too comes from a Greek word that means when translated "Get the hell out of my head, and stop trying to find out how big my boobs are..." It can also be a wonderful talent to have. I use it all the time. Let's say I'm out for a night on the town. I walk into a bar and instantly I know who of these fine ladies will be the most likely to stay knocked out the longest from sleeping pills.
As far as canes go, they have many uses. Helping the elderly to walk. Helping me beat the elderly if they don't get out of my way fast enough. And most importantly, adding sex appeal to you if people say you remind them of Dr. House. Which I do. Truth be told, Dr. House reminds people of me.
NEXT!
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satinbutterfly
Miss Piggy
Dear Dr. D,
How do I get my head to stop feeling as if it were going to explode?
Love,
Satin
How do I get my head to stop feeling as if it were going to explode?
Love,
Satin
The next question comes from Satin! This time she wishes to know:
"How do I get my head to stop feeling as if it were going to explode?"
It's interesting to note that if you select the first through fourth and sixth words of that sentence, it suddenly becomes a different conversation altogether. Certainly a question all of us have asked at some point in our adult lives.
And it is in these matters that I excel. What I have found to be the most effective way of receiving oral favors is to stand in the doorway and present yourself. Then in your best Darth Vader impression, urge your loved one (or farm animal depending on what southern state you live in) to come forth and do their duty. You will be surprised at the response it gets.
Then of course, as it winds down into the final seconds, they will look up and ask you the final 3 words of your original question. That's how it plays out for me anyway.
NEXT!
"How do I get my head to stop feeling as if it were going to explode?"
It's interesting to note that if you select the first through fourth and sixth words of that sentence, it suddenly becomes a different conversation altogether. Certainly a question all of us have asked at some point in our adult lives.
And it is in these matters that I excel. What I have found to be the most effective way of receiving oral favors is to stand in the doorway and present yourself. Then in your best Darth Vader impression, urge your loved one (or farm animal depending on what southern state you live in) to come forth and do their duty. You will be surprised at the response it gets.
Then of course, as it winds down into the final seconds, they will look up and ask you the final 3 words of your original question. That's how it plays out for me anyway.
NEXT!
Dear Doctor D:
2 Questions...
1. How to get a complete stranger out of your bathroom so you can do your duty?
This is the 2nd time I've asked you to get out...
2. What would it take to see a picture of you? Do you have any mug shots hanging around?
2 Questions...
1. How to get a complete stranger out of your bathroom so you can do your duty?
This is the 2nd time I've asked you to get out...
2. What would it take to see a picture of you? Do you have any mug shots hanging around?
Hello again! Let's take a gander over yonder to see who has asked another question!
This one comes from darkangel, who wonders:
"1. How to get a complete stranger out of your bathroom so you can do your duty?
2. What would it take to see a picture of you? Do you have any mug shots hanging around?"
My, my aren't we the inquisitive one!
I feel your pain. I do. Sometimes when I'm needing to go potty, there is someone in there. This can be a real pain. Instead of doing the potty dance, it is in your best interest to come up with a creative solution to the problem. I have found it best to loudly say to everyone around you "Hey! Guess who's in the bathroom masturbating again!" This will get them out in a hurry. Unless it's me, and my response will most likely be "What's your point?"
As far as your second question, no there are not. The white man's magic box will steal my soul. Or at least what's left of it.
NEXT!
This one comes from darkangel, who wonders:
"1. How to get a complete stranger out of your bathroom so you can do your duty?
2. What would it take to see a picture of you? Do you have any mug shots hanging around?"
My, my aren't we the inquisitive one!
I feel your pain. I do. Sometimes when I'm needing to go potty, there is someone in there. This can be a real pain. Instead of doing the potty dance, it is in your best interest to come up with a creative solution to the problem. I have found it best to loudly say to everyone around you "Hey! Guess who's in the bathroom masturbating again!" This will get them out in a hurry. Unless it's me, and my response will most likely be "What's your point?"
As far as your second question, no there are not. The white man's magic box will steal my soul. Or at least what's left of it.
NEXT!
So they can get away with smaller meat portions.
Bread and salad are cheap. You stuff yourself with that, they give you a small piece of veil and you still end up walking out, thinking "Damn, I'm full."
Anyway, that's the REAL reason. Let's see what the good doctor says.
I'm guessing something to do with hormones in the lettuce.
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*comes running back in the room*
Our next question is from darkangel! This time she wishes to know:
"Why is it that when you go out to a restaurant they fill you with salad, cheese and bread before the main course?"
The answer for this is quite simple. To get you all roley poley so that you can barely eat any of the main course. The purpose behind this is to keep you from realizing how much you over paid for this "thing" that doesn't taste like it's worth the loan you took out to pay for it. If it pleases the court, I submit a certain restuarant that has the motto "Real Italian, Real Fast." They should complete that motto with the words "Real Shitty". The breadsticks there RULE. However the main courses leave something to be desired. That something is your time and money back. However they have no such policy. I have tried.
Also, their definition of "Real Fast" is pushing it. Taco Bell, now THAT'S fast. They will sling awful, cheap meat at you faster than anything else on this earth. But you know what you're getting there. There's never been a time where somebody has decided to eat at Taco Bell for their health. You only go there when you're feeling suicidal.
I say we should have an uprising, complete with torches and pitchforks. We go in these places and demand that they stop this immediately. However, they will just distract us with the dessert menu like they do every other damn time. How many revolutions have been stopped by fancy chocolate cakes? Ask your local Olive Garden. They know of what I speak.
Our next question is from darkangel! This time she wishes to know:
"Why is it that when you go out to a restaurant they fill you with salad, cheese and bread before the main course?"
The answer for this is quite simple. To get you all roley poley so that you can barely eat any of the main course. The purpose behind this is to keep you from realizing how much you over paid for this "thing" that doesn't taste like it's worth the loan you took out to pay for it. If it pleases the court, I submit a certain restuarant that has the motto "Real Italian, Real Fast." They should complete that motto with the words "Real Shitty". The breadsticks there RULE. However the main courses leave something to be desired. That something is your time and money back. However they have no such policy. I have tried.
Also, their definition of "Real Fast" is pushing it. Taco Bell, now THAT'S fast. They will sling awful, cheap meat at you faster than anything else on this earth. But you know what you're getting there. There's never been a time where somebody has decided to eat at Taco Bell for their health. You only go there when you're feeling suicidal.
I say we should have an uprising, complete with torches and pitchforks. We go in these places and demand that they stop this immediately. However, they will just distract us with the dessert menu like they do every other damn time. How many revolutions have been stopped by fancy chocolate cakes? Ask your local Olive Garden. They know of what I speak.
Seriously? Damn, I gotta move to where you live. Every time I go there I end up wishing I had brought a book. Only KFC is slower.
Chick Fil A... THOSE guys are fast. I swear most times my car doesn't come to a complete stop. It's like a pit crew. :24:
And yes... Olive Garden has some KILLER desserts. :thumbup:thumbup
Our next topic for discussion comes from USF Sam! He has brought this to the table:
"Chick Fil A... THOSE guys are fast. I swear most times my car doesn't come to a complete stop. It's like a pit crew"
Yes, but they make up for it by closing on Sunday's to praise The Lord(R). Show me a place in the Bible where Jesus told the managers of these restuarants to shut down on Sundays. I defy you to. The one here is staffed entirely by young girls who make you start questioning the ethics of restricting how old somebody has to be to give consent. Make your own "Fil A Chick" jokes. Oh, wait I just did all the work for you. Nevermind.
"Chick Fil A... THOSE guys are fast. I swear most times my car doesn't come to a complete stop. It's like a pit crew"
Yes, but they make up for it by closing on Sunday's to praise The Lord(R). Show me a place in the Bible where Jesus told the managers of these restuarants to shut down on Sundays. I defy you to. The one here is staffed entirely by young girls who make you start questioning the ethics of restricting how old somebody has to be to give consent. Make your own "Fil A Chick" jokes. Oh, wait I just did all the work for you. Nevermind.
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