Hey, I know you
Welcome back. :coolNo questions at this time, but thanks for asking.
Ask The Good Doctor!
- Thread starter Doctor D
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Hey, I know you
Welcome back. :coolNo questions at this time, but thanks for asking.
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Our next question comes from Dana! He writes:
"I have this rash in the crack of my ass..."
Very good question Dana, and thank you for your candor!
As I am a doctor with many, many, many years of experience in many, many, many things, I am more than happy to step up and assist you with that ass.
Rashes can result from many things. And we've all been there. It's embarrassing to discuss. With even our most trusted blow up dolls.
There's nothing like going through Wal-Mart and looking for the ointment and/or lotions that you need. And asking your fellow shoppers only complicates the issue. Especially if you show them why you need it. But you will, at the very least, be on a first name basis with the manager of the store. So there's your silver lining on that whole issue. But I digress...
What I have found to be the most effective on rashes in that area is the following: paint thinner, a wire brush, and matches. Clears it right up.
"I have this rash in the crack of my ass..."
Very good question Dana, and thank you for your candor!
As I am a doctor with many, many, many years of experience in many, many, many things, I am more than happy to step up and assist you with that ass.
Rashes can result from many things. And we've all been there. It's embarrassing to discuss. With even our most trusted blow up dolls.
There's nothing like going through Wal-Mart and looking for the ointment and/or lotions that you need. And asking your fellow shoppers only complicates the issue. Especially if you show them why you need it. But you will, at the very least, be on a first name basis with the manager of the store. So there's your silver lining on that whole issue. But I digress...
What I have found to be the most effective on rashes in that area is the following: paint thinner, a wire brush, and matches. Clears it right up.
Repped
PoopaSwoof
Doddering Old Poop
Doctor, How do I get some weirdo to quit bugging my daughter?
Shotgun?
357 magnum?
Tazer?
Maybe just a severe beating with multiple broken bones?
Oh, please enlighten me Dr. D
Shotgun?
357 magnum?
Tazer?
Maybe just a severe beating with multiple broken bones?
Oh, please enlighten me Dr. D
:24::24:
Hello again, everybody!
Our very next question comes from PoopaSwoof, who asks:
"Doctor, How do I get some weirdo to quit bugging my daughter?"
Very good question Poopa! As a concerned parent you worry about your child's welfare and seek to keep her safe from those who would not have her best interests at heart. Truly the sign of a good parent. I can understand completely. For example, I seek to keep unwanted people off my lawn. In the past I have found that putting up a sign seems to do the trick. However you must word it carefully so as to clearly communicate the message. That's why I do not beat around the bush. I put up signs that read "My lawn will give you AIDS." 100 percent effective doesn't even cover it. Of course, you will need to replace the word "lawn" with "daughter", otherwise you are just asking for confusion. If you don't care for hanging a sign around her neck then perhaps one of those fine booths in the mall that sell airbrushed t-shirts.
The next question comes from AUDRAA!
"seems youve been around awhile, why dont I remember you?"
Because you haven't been to a police line up recently.
Our very next question comes from PoopaSwoof, who asks:
"Doctor, How do I get some weirdo to quit bugging my daughter?"
Very good question Poopa! As a concerned parent you worry about your child's welfare and seek to keep her safe from those who would not have her best interests at heart. Truly the sign of a good parent. I can understand completely. For example, I seek to keep unwanted people off my lawn. In the past I have found that putting up a sign seems to do the trick. However you must word it carefully so as to clearly communicate the message. That's why I do not beat around the bush. I put up signs that read "My lawn will give you AIDS." 100 percent effective doesn't even cover it. Of course, you will need to replace the word "lawn" with "daughter", otherwise you are just asking for confusion. If you don't care for hanging a sign around her neck then perhaps one of those fine booths in the mall that sell airbrushed t-shirts.
The next question comes from AUDRAA!
"seems youve been around awhile, why dont I remember you?"
Because you haven't been to a police line up recently.
I wouldnt be so sure of that :ninja
Good morning to you all! It seems we had some questions slide in whilst I was asleep!
Our first question comes from RedRyder! She asks:
"Doctor D..... Why am I strangely attracted to your answers and posting style?"
Why thank you, Red. Many, many, many people find themselves drawn to my sage wisdom and engaged by my discourses. It seems to be directly proportional to the number of people who drink beverages that I provide to them.
The next question comes from Thornless! She asks:
"Can you treat two patients at once Dr?"
Yes, Thornless I certainly can! I'm quite the multi-tasker. To be an effective physician, you must learn to do many things at once. Learn where the priorities are. Handle difficulties as they arise. Not call one by the other's name just because the lights were out, you had too much to drink and you confused smells.
NEXT!
Our first question comes from RedRyder! She asks:
"Doctor D..... Why am I strangely attracted to your answers and posting style?"
Why thank you, Red. Many, many, many people find themselves drawn to my sage wisdom and engaged by my discourses. It seems to be directly proportional to the number of people who drink beverages that I provide to them.
The next question comes from Thornless! She asks:
"Can you treat two patients at once Dr?"
Yes, Thornless I certainly can! I'm quite the multi-tasker. To be an effective physician, you must learn to do many things at once. Learn where the priorities are. Handle difficulties as they arise. Not call one by the other's name just because the lights were out, you had too much to drink and you confused smells.
NEXT!
KimmyCharmeleon
Well-Known Member
I stutter when I can't make up my mind what I want to say, but as I am trying to say it lol
The next board member stepping up to the plate is KimmyCharmeleon! Her problem is:
"I stutter when I can't make up my mind what I want to say, but as I am trying to say it"
Well, Kimmy, we've all been there. Sometimes the wires get crossed between our brains and our mouths. It happens to the best of us. For example, sometimes I'm asked questions and what comes out of my mouth is not at all what I want to say. Questions such as: How did you get in my house? Why are your pants off? What the hell are you doing to my couch? In those situations I find myself grasping for the right words to say. As well as heavy blunt objects to defend myself.
My advice to you is to not dwell on it. Sometimes our problems really do go away if we don't think about them. Indecency charges however do not.
NEXT!
"I stutter when I can't make up my mind what I want to say, but as I am trying to say it"
Well, Kimmy, we've all been there. Sometimes the wires get crossed between our brains and our mouths. It happens to the best of us. For example, sometimes I'm asked questions and what comes out of my mouth is not at all what I want to say. Questions such as: How did you get in my house? Why are your pants off? What the hell are you doing to my couch? In those situations I find myself grasping for the right words to say. As well as heavy blunt objects to defend myself.
My advice to you is to not dwell on it. Sometimes our problems really do go away if we don't think about them. Indecency charges however do not.
NEXT!
Hello again everybody! Let's take a gander at our next question!
It comes from RedRyder! She wishes to know:
"Are convicts allowed to use the internet, Dr. D?"
Very good question! In trying to answer your question, I had to turn to the internet to do some research, but the warden wouldn't let me. HAHA! Just kidding. He's dead.
You see, Red, prison life is quite restrictive. Your freedoms are taken away. You spend every day milling about without much to do or live for. It's a lot like marriage that way.
Nearly every state in our great nation restricts access to the internet by inmates. And thank god, can you imagine if they were on Facebook? Make your own jokes about having an inmate try to "poke" you.
NEXT!
It comes from RedRyder! She wishes to know:
"Are convicts allowed to use the internet, Dr. D?"
Very good question! In trying to answer your question, I had to turn to the internet to do some research, but the warden wouldn't let me. HAHA! Just kidding. He's dead.
You see, Red, prison life is quite restrictive. Your freedoms are taken away. You spend every day milling about without much to do or live for. It's a lot like marriage that way.
Nearly every state in our great nation restricts access to the internet by inmates. And thank god, can you imagine if they were on Facebook? Make your own jokes about having an inmate try to "poke" you.
NEXT!
*slides in the room like Tom Cruise*
Our next question comes from Tuffdisc! He wishes to know:
"Doctor, how big is an inch?"
A question of size, eh Tuff? Well as many men will tell you it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean. Which is a handy way of telling which men are lacking in a certain area. The men who are not lacking will tell you the following: "Try not to scream when you see it." Or at least that's what I tell people.
You see, Tuff, many, many, many men are insecure in that department. Sooner or later every man (except me) will wonder "Will it be enough?" (I KNOW it will). Well, there are some rules to go by that work in every case. Remember these simple rules:
8-12 inches: You will be able to handle whatever comes your way. You will also know the convenience of not having to be in the same room as your partner when adult activities happen.
5-7 inches: You will make many women happy. Or at least they'll tell YOU that. They'll tell their girlfriends a completely different tale. "He didn't even know how to use it. He just kind of flopped around on me. Finally I just got up and stood in the kitchen while Jerome hit it from the garage."
1-4 inches: Midgets. Find them. Anything looks big to a midget.
NEXT!
Our next question comes from Tuffdisc! He wishes to know:
"Doctor, how big is an inch?"
A question of size, eh Tuff? Well as many men will tell you it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean. Which is a handy way of telling which men are lacking in a certain area. The men who are not lacking will tell you the following: "Try not to scream when you see it." Or at least that's what I tell people.
You see, Tuff, many, many, many men are insecure in that department. Sooner or later every man (except me) will wonder "Will it be enough?" (I KNOW it will). Well, there are some rules to go by that work in every case. Remember these simple rules:
8-12 inches: You will be able to handle whatever comes your way. You will also know the convenience of not having to be in the same room as your partner when adult activities happen.
5-7 inches: You will make many women happy. Or at least they'll tell YOU that. They'll tell their girlfriends a completely different tale. "He didn't even know how to use it. He just kind of flopped around on me. Finally I just got up and stood in the kitchen while Jerome hit it from the garage."
1-4 inches: Midgets. Find them. Anything looks big to a midget.
NEXT!
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