What makes a good marriage?

[galmal]

It seems like an elusive creature - a great marriage. But it is possible. What do you think is the key to a good marriage?

I've been married for 28 years to a wonderful man. We have such a good relationship, he's my best friend and soulmate. But the marriage hasn't been without it's problems. I think for us, the key has been to listen, really listen, to each other and to be there, physically and emotionally, for each other. The old adage of never going to bed angry - it's actually pretty good advice. You may not be able to solve the hard, complex issues in one night, but at least get to a point where you agree to work on it.

We've also decided that no matter what, it's me and him against the world, not me against him. When something bad happens or we disagree with each other, we look at the problem as the enemy and attack it together, instead of attacking each other.

 

[Boomer]

I think you pretty much got it. I'm a newly wed, got married in October of 2014, but we're pretty solid. My wife is a marriage and family therapist, so that helps. We keep a crystal clear line of communication. We don't lie to each other and we're completely not afraid to say how we make each other feel. We get in our fair share of fights. She's the kind of person that takes a while to get over things, where I can forgive her at the drop of a dime. So, she goes to bed angry sometimes. I can't blame her. At the end of the day she's been in therapy with couples from sun up to sun down, so I can't blame her for being emotionally drained at times.

I do like what you said about you and him being against the world. We're the same way. No matter what, we're a united front. No. Matter. What.

 

[joshposh]

You are going to get a lot of different answer to this question. I remember listening to the radio and the disc jockey was talking about this one couple that was married for 50 plus years. The DJ had asked how did they do it? Being married for so long. The man replied, we gave each other a lot of space. She had her own little room that was hers, and I had mine. Every year we would take vacation away from each other. Because this couple had that little ritual, they stayed married for 50+ years.

Now not everyone is going to agree with that method. But how many people you know are still together after 50 years? Not many right? I like to think that all relationships need time away from each other as well as being together. If we see each other too much, you might get sick and tired of them after awhile. It might come to the point where you can't stand each other, then divorce soon follows.

 

[Lushlala]

Galmal, I think you've got it pretty much covered there. Of course, as Joshposh says, you're bound to get varying answers because different things work for different people. But I agree with you entirely. My husband is my best friend, lover and soul mate all rolled into one. We'll have been married 9 years this June, and we're still very happy together. Naturally, we have to work at it and it's not always smooth; but we're a team and we also face the world together. I'd say trust, love, mutual respect, communication, a heck of a lot of laughs and understanding are the cornerstone of any solid marriage.

I also like the advise given on the radio show Joshposh heard. I believe a little space is very healthy for a relationship. If we could spare the money, I'd be down for this idea and would take separate breaks away from each other at least once a year. It helps to also have your own hobbies and your own set of friends. Absence does make the heart fonder

 

[connie]

I think you have it on the head. He is my best friend and I am lead to believe I am his!

We have been married 18 years now and he is my best friend. We don't go to bed angry with each other - we always have a cuddle before we settle down to sleep. If you are too angry to do that, then you are too angry to be going to bed.

Our marriage has seen a lot of seriously bad health times recently (including it looking like I have been left permanently paralysed and we may have to move house because of it) but it has also seen a lot of good times including us selling everything we owned and going off to fulfil an ambition of trying to cycle around the world. We learnt a lot about ourselves then and a lot about each other. We know each others limits and, well we did what few others dare to do, we pursued our dream and enjoyed it.

We have fun together. Yesterday he climbed into a very large cardboard box that had been delivered to us. I photo'ed him dong it (I would have joined him, but sadly my health and some paralysis now prevent me from doing so easily.) :bag: He spent a good 20 minutes playing with that box! :bluesquarebiggrin:

 

[azrmacc]

Being in a marriage is not different from being in a relationship. In a relationship you put in both your efforts, adapt to each other, make sacrifices if needed etc etc, and that should carry on in marriage. The only difference are the rings in your hands.

 

[RUBESH]

A good marriage is built on emotional connection. Your relationship has the ability to endure a lifetime if you have a solid link and mutual understanding. In contrast, if you lack this emotional connection, you may eventually lose out. To make a marriage succeed, empathy and compromise must be prioritized. If you are unable to put your own needs and desires aside for the benefit of your spouse, your relationship may suffer. Finally, a strong marriage necessitates a willingness to set aside your ego and focus on what is best for both of you.

 

[LoukiaCharilaou]

This is a very good question.Marriage is not an easy thing. I am a married woman and I know that marriage needs hard work from both sides in order to succeed. Mutual understanding, love and respect are essential for a successful marriage.

 

[astutimeliana723]

It seems like an elusive creature - a great marriage. But it is possible. What do you think is the key to a good marriage?

I've been married for 28 years to a wonderful man. We have such a good relationship, he's my best friend and soulmate. But the marriage hasn't been without it's problems. I think for us, the key has been to listen, really listen, to each other and to be there, physically and emotionally, for each other. The old adage of never going to bed angry - it's actually pretty good advice. You may not be able to solve the hard, complex issues in one night, but at least get to a point where you agree to work on it.

We've also decided that no matter what, it's me and him against the world, not me against him. When something bad happens or we disagree with each other, we look at the problem as the enemy and attack it together, instead of attacking each other.

I think you've got it. The key to a good marriage is good communication between the two parties. Mutual cooperation between all family members. You are right in saying "Don't sleep angry" make sure we are pleased with each other and forgive each other before really closing our eyes.

 

[Blessed19]

There are so many things that makes a marriage turn out to become a good one. The couple's have to be in unison with each other which in essence is they are very compatible, understand each others flaws and still tolerate them, know what the other likes and what they don't. Marriage is patience and love, praying for each other all the time, communicating with each other in a way that the two best understands (love language).

 

[Ammi]

…I guess that there are so many things that would contribute marriage and like most things, no one ‘answer’ would fit all because people are different/marriages are different etc…so it’s just about what each marriage would consider works for that partnership…I would say, though that a great foundation is the ability to be able to work out and communicate etc…when things are going well in life, we all fairly much sail through, it’s not too testing to do so…but it’s the difficult times that we have that we get through together that strengthen relationships, I think…trust/communication, all of that jazz etc…which really help to form the ability to work out difficult times…

 

[RicAngelo]

This is a very good question.Marriage is not an easy thing. I am a married woman and I know that marriage needs hard work from both sides in order to succeed. Mutual understanding, love and respect are essential for a successful marriage.

indeed, marriage is not an easy thing but also is not very hard, I mean it takes two to tango, it takes two people who are willing to share their life together as a couple not as individuals. two people who are willing to agree to disagree on so many things but in the end we have to make one decision and stick to it. two people who will learn to stay in love every day, because falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard

 

[LoukiaCharilaou]

indeed, marriage is not an easy thing but also is not very hard, I mean it takes two to tango, it takes two people who are willing to share their life together as a couple not as individuals. two people who are willing to agree to disagree on so many things but in the end we have to make one decision and stick to it. two people who will learn to stay in love every day, because falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard

This is true. I agree with what you mentioned. It is easy to fall in love but it is hard to keep a marriage because you will face a lot of problems and difficulties. Love is the key to overcoming all obstacles.

 

[RicAngelo]

I also try not to compare my marriage life with others, because we never know what they are facing through. And I never tell my problems with others too. If me and my wife having a problems, first thing to do is cooling down and after that we talk about it and find the best solution for both of us. And again marriage life is not easy but having someone to share the rest of life with is worth it @LoukiaCharilaou

 

[Ammi]

I also try not to compare my marriage life with others, because we never know what they are facing through. And I never tell my problems with others too. If me and my wife having a problems, first thing to do is cooling down and after that we talk about it and find the best solution for both of us. And again marriage life is not easy but having someone to share the rest of life with is worth it @LoukiaCharilaou

…yeah, I agree in that I feel that ‘cooling down’ is an important thing in many situations…just stepping back to give time to look at the partner‘s perspective and how they feel impacted by whatever the issue is…it’s good to talk and share also and get an outsiders viewpoint at times…but that can also lead an opening for ‘judgement’ which can be very counter productive as well…I especially never talk to anyone outside of the relationship while feeling heightened emotions…

 

[RicAngelo]

Indeed, that's the first rule I made with my wife the first day we got married, our problems are our problems only we and God knows @Ammi and finding the best solution for both of us is really hard to do, we have to sacrifice our ego to make this relationship working. And me and my wife still learning to understand each others

 

[Ammi]

…I’m not sure that I’ve ever had much of an ego/I’m always the first one to look at my own wrongs and look at my own blame in things and my own faults etc…but if I did once have an ego, I must have left it at the entrance to the wedding aisle before I walked it…

 

[RicAngelo]

Good for you then, I should learn from you then @Ammi even now the older we get, we knew exactly what we want to achieve so we working so hard as a Team

 

[cherry123]

it is about true friendship that keeps the fire burning. The bond should grow and the flames of love should keep glowing.

 

[Chibson]

People need to understand that there is no perfect marriage. So to have a good marriage the couples must be able to understand each other properly. It is also important for them to settle their rifts amicably.