Surrogacy Journey

[Veronica]

Wow thats an awesome thing ur doing. I admire u for that

 

[Keight]

Thats awesome! I think you are doing an amazing thing for others! kudos to you!!

 

[Joe the meek]

With all the unwanted children children in the world and that need homes, for myself it's kind of self indulging to propagate through others when you can't have children.

Then again, people will pay a grand for a puppy mill dog when MILLIONS of unwanted dogs get put down every year in the US alone.

 

[acctnt shan]

Wow, Joe... Jezz is giving her body, and loads of her time, to this, and you basically come spit at what she's doing?

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but that doesn't make it right to voice it.


Jezz, I've told you before - I think it's wonderful that you're willing to do this for another couple.

 

[Natasha]

I agree w/ Shan. That's a completely shitty thing to say and I have a feeling Jezz will have no problem giving you her opinion on your comments when she reads them.

Women that don't have the option to experience pregnancy themselves now have the option to still experience seeing a baby that is biologically theirs grow inside a womb. That's an amazing thing and I don't fault ANYBODY for wanting that.

 

[AUDRAA]

Wow I admire you for being able to do that, Id love to be able to do the same thing becasue I loved being pregnant also but I am one of those that become attached before I see the baby having carried it inside of me so that would scare me to even try it. If it were a friend or family member where I could still see the child Im thinking would be different but kudos to you! Thats one of the most precious gifts you could give anyone.
Joe yes there are babies out there everywhere but she is giving a couple an opportunity to have their own flesh and blood child which is different and I dont see that as being selfish or wrong in anyway. You are entitled to your opinion just as she is so try not to judge please. (you may not have intended to come off that way or maybe you did but your post appears that way)

 

[usandthem]

With all the unwanted children children in the world and that need homes, for myself it's kind of self indulging to propagate through others when you can't have children.

Then again, people will pay a grand for a puppy mill dog when MILLIONS of unwanted dogs get put down every year in the US alone.

Adoption isn't for everyone. Just because pregnancy can't happen on its own doesn't mean they are less deserving of their own child.

 

[Jezzebelle]

Wow! It takes a special person to do what you are doing. I am in awe.

So how does it work? Does your insurance pay for anything or is the couple responsible for paying any medical bills? Do you get compensated in any way?

I have ins... but in my state ins does not cover things like this. I do believe (but I'm not an expert) other states do allow different coverages on things like infertility treatments, and even some of surrogacy! For some reason NJ is sticking in my head as one of those, but I'd need to research it to be sure. So in my case, the IPs (intended parents) pay for everything. They've also taken out life ins policies on me in case of the worst, and all kinds of other things. Everything is covered and we each have our own lawyers that drew up the contract. Also, like I said, I'm with an agency so I really don't have to worry about the money things the IPs have paid into a trust fund the money before we have even started, and I submit my expenses to the agency when I occur them.

I do also get compensated outside of expenses for my time, and the time this takes away from my family. I would say it's less than most would make with your regular full time job during that period.

 

[Jezzebelle]

With all the unwanted children children in the world and that need homes, for myself it's kind of self indulging to propagate through others when you can't have children.

Then again, people will pay a grand for a puppy mill dog when MILLIONS of unwanted dogs get put down every year in the US alone.

It's OK guys. The above is a normal reaction to what I'm doing, and someone who has never gone through the pains of infertility. Adopting a child is not something you can just wake up one morning and decide to do. It can takes years, tens of thousands of dollars, and for whatever reason many couples are just not accepted (including gay couples, which use surrogacy often like Elton John). I think adoption is a wonderful amazing thing. My Aunts have an amazing little adopted boy from Guatemala... Guatemala is a country by the way which will no longer let anyone from the US adopt their children.

I think that every family has to make the right decision for them. Surrogacy is NOT just about being able to have a child with the same genes as you either. Many, many cases (from people I talk to, I would say at least 50%) have to use donor egg and donor sperm because the reason they can't get pregnant in the first place is because there is something wrong with either. I think it's more about getting to be there from the beginning, and experience the entire journey of your children coming into this world, even if you have been unable to carry them yourself.

 

[Joe the meek]

It can takes years, tens of thousands of dollars, and for whatever reason many couples are just not accepted (including gay couples, which use surrogacy often like Elton John).

Common misconception about adoption and nothing could be further from the truth.

That said, if you want to pay for a baby overseas, yes, it could run you a crap load of money.

 

[Joe the meek]

I agree w/ Shan. That's a completely shitty thing to say and I have a feeling Jezz will have no problem giving you her opinion on your comments when she reads them.

It's the truth.

There are so many unwanted children in our own back yard, but for some reason, if the child isn't "connected" to the family either by birth or by age (not being an infant newborn), people don't want to deal with it.

 

[Jezzebelle]

Common misconception about adoption and nothing could be further from the truth.

That said, if you want to pay for a baby overseas, yes, it could run you a crap load of money.

Considering I have family members who have been through the entire adoption process... it's not a common misconception. My Aunts HAD to go overseas because they were unable to adopt in the US. Every state is different, and I highly doubt you are an Adoption Attny and know all the laws involved.

 

[Jezzebelle]

It's the truth.

There are so many unwanted children in our own back yard, but for some reason, if the child isn't "connected" to the family either by birth or by age (not being an infant newborn), people don't want to deal with it.

I also had a neighbor who fostered parented and tried to adopt a little boy. He lived with her for a year and half while she went through all the legal proceedings. He was so happy and adorable! Two weeks before everything was finalized... his real mom got off drugs and went to the judge demanding him back. The real mom was given custody. I can't fault anyone who after going through years of infertility to not want to go through another heartbreak like that. Adoption is an amazing thing, but it's really not for everyone.

 

[usandthem]

It's the truth.

There are so many unwanted children in our own back yard, but for some reason, if the child isn't "connected" to the family either by birth or by age (not being an infant newborn), people don't want to deal with it.

Adoptive children are not there for those who are inferile.
With that logic, people shouldn't have babies on their own and just adopt. Why does it matter if they can or cannot conceieve naturally? After all those children are still needing adoption just the same.
It is a lengthy process, and it can be expensive if you do not qualify to adopt a child from your own country for free. Even if you do qualify and go through all the steps, there is no guarentee if you will end up with a child in the end. Again its not for everyone.

 

[Joe the meek]

I also had a neighbor who fostered parented and tried to adopt a little boy. He lived with her for a year and half while she went through all the legal proceedings. He was so happy and adorable! Two weeks before everything was finalized... his real mom got off drugs and went to the judge demanding him back. The real mom was given custody. I can't fault anyone who after going through years of infertility to not want to go through another heartbreak like that. Adoption is an amazing thing, but it's really not for everyone.

Fostering with the potential to adopt is only one route. Going this route, once you're familiar with the system, you know what you're getting yourself in for.

As far as your story about the mother getting off of drugs, although I'm not an adoption attorney, I'm familiar enough with the system to know that the chances of the mother getting off drugs TWO WEEKS before the the TPR (termination of parental rights) hearing and having the outcome changed due to those two weeks is as close to unbelievable as you can get. Chances are the mother was cleaning up her act a long time prior to the two weeks.

Although most court systems always seek reunification with parents as their top priority, old habits are hard to break for people who shouldn't have children, and once the ball is rolling in the legal court system, that ball can be VERY hard to change direction.

You're correct, adoption isn't for everyone, BUT IMO it is a shame that people for some reason feel a need that they must propagate in their lives so they feel like they have accomplished something.

The heartbreak isn't having a child leave, the heartbreak is not giving the child a fighting chance.

 

[Joe the meek]

Adoptive children are not there for those who are inferile.

I'm sorry, your sentence makes no sense. What do you mean that adoptive children are not there for those who are infertile?

That said, yes, it's a great thing the OP is doing and giving of herself. I just happen to realize the flip side and irony.

I'm out.

 

[usandthem]

Yes it is sad that there are children wanting to be adopted I think everyone can agree with that. But that shouldn't mean that men and women who are infertile should feel obligated to adopt. There are many reasons why people adopt and infertility is not the only reason.
Why is it only selfish for those who are infertile to want biological children of their own? There are millions of people who have their own child naturally and I don't see it any more or less selfish than those who need help.

 

[Minderella]

You already know what I think about this journey for you, but again, I think it's completely fantastic and I love that you are doing it. <3<3

 

[Tuffdisc]

I don't think Joe is by any means being to Jezz, he is aiming at the parents wanting a child, he is just pointing out the fact there is children out there for adoption that are unnecessarily unloved.

 

[Natasha]

I saw my bestfriend's little girl snatched away from her because of stupid laws that say gay couples can't adopt...it's NOT a simple process these days.

Having said that, if you guys want to debate that, fine, but please stop hijacking Jezz's thread. That's not why it's here.