Self Harm
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Actually, I think both of those are disorders.
"I think control's a big thing. You can't control what's happening around you, but you can control what you do to yourself."
Everyone has problems in their life and often people look for help. But sometimes it's hard to cope or even to put feelings into words. If they get bottled up inside, the pressure goes up and up until they feel like they might explode. This is the point where some people injure themselves.
Everyone has problems in their life and often people look for help. But sometimes it's hard to cope or even to put feelings into words. If they get bottled up inside, the pressure goes up and up until they feel like they might explode. This is the point where some people injure themselves.
http://www.offtopicz.net/What is self-harm?
Self-harm is a way of expressing very deep distress. Often, people don't know why they self-harm. It's a means of communicating what can't be put into words or even into thoughts and has been described as an inner scream. Afterwards, people feel better able to cope with life again, for a while.
Self-harm is a broad term. People may injure or poison themselves by scratching, cutting or burning their skin, by hitting themselves against objects, taking a drug overdose, or swallowing or putting other things inside themselves. It may also take less obvious forms, including taking stupid risks, staying in an abusive relationship, developing an eating problem, such as anorexia or bulimia, being addicted to alcohol or drugs, or simply not looking after their own emotional or physical needs.
These responses may help you to cope with feelings that threaten to overwhelm you; painful emotions, such as rage, sadness, emptiness, grief, self-hatred, fear, loneliness and guilt. These can be released through the body, where they can be seen and dealt with. Self-harm may serve a number of purposes at the same time. It may be a way of getting the pain out, of being distracted from it, of communicating feelings to somebody else, and of finding comfort. It can also be a means of self-punishment or an attempt to gain some control over life. Because they feel ashamed, afraid, or worried about other people's reactions, people who self-harm often conceal what they are doing rather than draw attention to it.
It's worth remembering that most people behave self-destructively at times, even if they don't realise it. Perfectly ordinary behaviour, such as smoking, eating and drinking too much, or working long hours, day after day, can all be helping people to numb or distract themselves and avoid being alone with their thoughts and feelings.
Self-harm is a way of expressing very deep distress. Often, people don't know why they self-harm. It's a means of communicating what can't be put into words or even into thoughts and has been described as an inner scream. Afterwards, people feel better able to cope with life again, for a while.
Self-harm is a broad term. People may injure or poison themselves by scratching, cutting or burning their skin, by hitting themselves against objects, taking a drug overdose, or swallowing or putting other things inside themselves. It may also take less obvious forms, including taking stupid risks, staying in an abusive relationship, developing an eating problem, such as anorexia or bulimia, being addicted to alcohol or drugs, or simply not looking after their own emotional or physical needs.
These responses may help you to cope with feelings that threaten to overwhelm you; painful emotions, such as rage, sadness, emptiness, grief, self-hatred, fear, loneliness and guilt. These can be released through the body, where they can be seen and dealt with. Self-harm may serve a number of purposes at the same time. It may be a way of getting the pain out, of being distracted from it, of communicating feelings to somebody else, and of finding comfort. It can also be a means of self-punishment or an attempt to gain some control over life. Because they feel ashamed, afraid, or worried about other people's reactions, people who self-harm often conceal what they are doing rather than draw attention to it.
It's worth remembering that most people behave self-destructively at times, even if they don't realise it. Perfectly ordinary behaviour, such as smoking, eating and drinking too much, or working long hours, day after day, can all be helping people to numb or distract themselves and avoid being alone with their thoughts and feelings.
Why do people harm themselves?
A person who self-harms is likely to have gone through very difficult, painful experiences as a child or young adult. At the time, they probably had no one they could confide in, so didn't receive the support and the emotional outlet they needed to deal with it. The experience might have involved physical violence, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse. They might have been neglected, separated from someone they loved, been bullied, harassed, assaulted, isolated, put under intolerable pressure, made homeless, sent into care, into hospital or to other institutions.
Experiences like these erode self-esteem. Emotions that have no outlet may be buried and blocked completely out of awareness. If a trusted adult betrays or abuses them, and there are no other witnesses, children will often blame themselves. They turn their anger inwards. By the time they become adults, self-injury can be a way of expressing their pain, punishing themselves, and keeping memories at bay.
There is often an absence of pain during the act of self-injury, rather like the absence of sensation that often occurs during abuse or trauma. The body produces natural opiates, which numb it and mask the emotions, so that little is felt or realised consciously.
A badly traumatised person may end up feeling quite detached from their feelings and their body. Some may injure themselves to maintain that sense of being separate, and to convince themselves that they aren't vulnerable. Others may injure themselves in order to feel something and know that they are real and alive.
Healthcare professionals have been criticised for assuming that people who self-harm require no anaesthetic for stitching wounds. This is just one of the myths exploded in new guidelines on self-harm, developed by NICE (the National Institute for Clinical Excellence). Similarly, professionals sometimes make assumptions about why someone has injured themselves, particularly if they have done it before. But the meaning is different for each person, each time they self-harm. It is not a sign, in itself, that someone has a mental health problem.
A person who self-harms is likely to have gone through very difficult, painful experiences as a child or young adult. At the time, they probably had no one they could confide in, so didn't receive the support and the emotional outlet they needed to deal with it. The experience might have involved physical violence, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse. They might have been neglected, separated from someone they loved, been bullied, harassed, assaulted, isolated, put under intolerable pressure, made homeless, sent into care, into hospital or to other institutions.
Experiences like these erode self-esteem. Emotions that have no outlet may be buried and blocked completely out of awareness. If a trusted adult betrays or abuses them, and there are no other witnesses, children will often blame themselves. They turn their anger inwards. By the time they become adults, self-injury can be a way of expressing their pain, punishing themselves, and keeping memories at bay.
There is often an absence of pain during the act of self-injury, rather like the absence of sensation that often occurs during abuse or trauma. The body produces natural opiates, which numb it and mask the emotions, so that little is felt or realised consciously.
A badly traumatised person may end up feeling quite detached from their feelings and their body. Some may injure themselves to maintain that sense of being separate, and to convince themselves that they aren't vulnerable. Others may injure themselves in order to feel something and know that they are real and alive.
Healthcare professionals have been criticised for assuming that people who self-harm require no anaesthetic for stitching wounds. This is just one of the myths exploded in new guidelines on self-harm, developed by NICE (the National Institute for Clinical Excellence). Similarly, professionals sometimes make assumptions about why someone has injured themselves, particularly if they have done it before. But the meaning is different for each person, each time they self-harm. It is not a sign, in itself, that someone has a mental health problem.
http://www.offtopicz.net/Who is most likely to self-harm?
According to recent research, the majority are young women, although the percentage of young men seems to be on the increase. Self-harming behaviour is also significant among minority groups discriminated against by society. Someone who has mental health problems is more likely to self-harm. So are those who are dependent on drugs or alcohol, or who are faced with a number of major life problems, such as being homeless, a single parent, in financial difficulty or otherwise living in stressful circumstances. One important common factor is a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness.
Recent research focusing on young people suggests that 10 per cent of 15 to 16 year olds have self-harmed, usually by cutting themselves, and that girls are far more likely to self-harm than boys. The most common reason is 'to find relief from a terrible situation'. Young people are often under great pressure within their families, from school and among their peers. Many young people report having friends who also self-harm.
The research suggests that young people who self-harm are much more likely to have low self-esteem, to be depressed and anxious. They seem to be facing more problems in life, but may be less good at coping with them. They may retreat into themselves, feeling angry, blaming themselves, tending to drink and smoke too much and to use more recreational drugs. They confide in fewer friends, and tend not to talk to their parents or other adults, or to ask for the help they need.
Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
Women often find themselves in a caring role, putting their own needs last. This can grossly undermine their sense of worth, their opinions and strengths. In due course, a woman may come to feel she is an unimportant, silent witness to the abuses she has to endure. She may lose her sense of identity, power and rights. To survive, she may cut herself off from her real needs. If the focus for this is the size and shape of her body, she may drastically restrict what she eats.
If men conform to the macho stereotype that expressing emotion is a weakness, it can leave them unable to feel their feelings, and detached from that side of themselves. They may have less difficulty showing anger than women, but if they are in prison, where pent-up feelings can't be released, men are more likely to turn to self-harm, especially if they have been abused.
According to recent research, the majority are young women, although the percentage of young men seems to be on the increase. Self-harming behaviour is also significant among minority groups discriminated against by society. Someone who has mental health problems is more likely to self-harm. So are those who are dependent on drugs or alcohol, or who are faced with a number of major life problems, such as being homeless, a single parent, in financial difficulty or otherwise living in stressful circumstances. One important common factor is a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness.
Recent research focusing on young people suggests that 10 per cent of 15 to 16 year olds have self-harmed, usually by cutting themselves, and that girls are far more likely to self-harm than boys. The most common reason is 'to find relief from a terrible situation'. Young people are often under great pressure within their families, from school and among their peers. Many young people report having friends who also self-harm.
The research suggests that young people who self-harm are much more likely to have low self-esteem, to be depressed and anxious. They seem to be facing more problems in life, but may be less good at coping with them. They may retreat into themselves, feeling angry, blaming themselves, tending to drink and smoke too much and to use more recreational drugs. They confide in fewer friends, and tend not to talk to their parents or other adults, or to ask for the help they need.
Physical, emotional or sexual abuse
Women often find themselves in a caring role, putting their own needs last. This can grossly undermine their sense of worth, their opinions and strengths. In due course, a woman may come to feel she is an unimportant, silent witness to the abuses she has to endure. She may lose her sense of identity, power and rights. To survive, she may cut herself off from her real needs. If the focus for this is the size and shape of her body, she may drastically restrict what she eats.
If men conform to the macho stereotype that expressing emotion is a weakness, it can leave them unable to feel their feelings, and detached from that side of themselves. They may have less difficulty showing anger than women, but if they are in prison, where pent-up feelings can't be released, men are more likely to turn to self-harm, especially if they have been abused.
http://www.offtopicz.net/Is self-harming behaviour attention-seeking?
Because it can be hard to understand, healthcare professionals, friends and relatives sometimes mistakenly regard people who self-harm with mistrust or fear and see their behaviour as attention seeking and manipulative. If someone you know self-harms, you may feel helpless when faced with their wounds, and your own feelings and fears about the situation may cause you to blame them instead of supporting them.
Bear in mind they may be using the only way they can to communicate their plight and to get the attention, care and comfort they need. However upsetting it may be for you, it doesn't necessarily mean this is their intention. Whether people have deep wounds or slight injuries, the problem they represent should always be taken very seriously. The size of the wound isn't a measure of the size of the conflict inside.
Because it can be hard to understand, healthcare professionals, friends and relatives sometimes mistakenly regard people who self-harm with mistrust or fear and see their behaviour as attention seeking and manipulative. If someone you know self-harms, you may feel helpless when faced with their wounds, and your own feelings and fears about the situation may cause you to blame them instead of supporting them.
Bear in mind they may be using the only way they can to communicate their plight and to get the attention, care and comfort they need. However upsetting it may be for you, it doesn't necessarily mean this is their intention. Whether people have deep wounds or slight injuries, the problem they represent should always be taken very seriously. The size of the wound isn't a measure of the size of the conflict inside.
http://www.offtopicz.net/What triggers it?
You may harm yourself once or twice at a particularly difficult time in your life, and never do so again. But self-harming can become an ongoing way of coping with current problems and may occur regularly, on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, depending on circumstances. The trigger could be a reminder of the past, such as an anniversary, which sets off a hidden memory, or something unexpected could happen to cause a shake-up. But sometimes, ordinary life is just so difficult that self-harm is the only way to cope with it.
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+self-harm.htm#Top
http://www.offtopicz.net/What can I do to stop self-harming?
The single most important thing to remember is that you have choices: stopping self-injury can begin now.
You may harm yourself once or twice at a particularly difficult time in your life, and never do so again. But self-harming can become an ongoing way of coping with current problems and may occur regularly, on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, depending on circumstances. The trigger could be a reminder of the past, such as an anniversary, which sets off a hidden memory, or something unexpected could happen to cause a shake-up. But sometimes, ordinary life is just so difficult that self-harm is the only way to cope with it.
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+self-harm.htm#Top
http://www.offtopicz.net/What can I do to stop self-harming?
The single most important thing to remember is that you have choices: stopping self-injury can begin now.
- Knowledge is power. Gather as much information as possible about your own behaviour. Keep notes of what is going on when you feel the need to harm yourself, so that you can identify, over a period of time, specific thoughts which come up. It's also useful to keep a daily diary of events and feelings, and to record how you cope with or channel powerful emotions of anger, pain or happiness.
- Try to talk about your feelings with someone supportive. Even though you may feel you are alone, there are others who can understand your pain and help to boost your strength and courage. Many people find that joining a support group of people with similar problems is an important step towards making themselves feel better, and changing their lives. If there are no appropriate support groups in your area, your local Mind associations may be able to help start one.
- Work on building up your self-esteem. Remember you are not to blame for how you feel; your self-injury is an expression of powerful negative feelings. It's not your fault. Make lists of your feelings, and then write positive statements about yourself, or the world around you. If you can't think of any, ask friends to write things they like about you. Keep these in a place so that they are visible. Make a tape of your own voice saying something affirming or reading your favourite stories or poems. Hearing your own voice can be soothing, or you can ask someone you trust to record their voice reading to you.
- Try to find ways to make your life less stressful, give yourself occasional treats, eat healthily, get plenty of sleep and build physical activity into your life, because this is known to boost self-esteem and lift low moods.
- Have the telephone numbers of friends, or local and national helplines where you can find them easily, if you need to talk to somebody in a crisis.Think about your anger and what you do with it. If you weren't busy being angry with yourself, who would you really be angry with? Write a list of people who have caused you to feel like this. Remind yourself you deserve good things in life, not punishment for what others have done to you.
- Line up a set of cushions to represent people who caused you pain. Tell them how they hurt you and that you don't deserve punishment. Kicking or hitting cushions is good. Try to do this with someone else, if possible, so that the experience is shared and you do not hurt yourself.
- Creativity is a powerful tool against despair. This doesn't have to be about making something. Whatever lifts you out of your pain and makes you feel good is creative. If you feel like it, try drawing or painting how you feel. Some people draw on themselves, using bright body colours.
- If you feel the need to self-harm, focus on staying within safe limits. A supportive GP will give you good advice on minimising and caring for your injuries and help you to find further help.
I am trying to understand where you are comming from but I can't! There are far worse things in the world going on to make you want to constructively use that hostility! I wonder are you guys willing to kill yourself also! I wouldn't......I might kill somebody but not me! You may hide your self inflicted wounds but you still have the emotional baggage! My suggestion is a PS2 and GTA Vice City or San Andreas!
Wow...You know I dont even quiet know where to start on this...Let me tell you one thing right off the bat! Dont judge me until you have lived my life. I'm not saying I had the worst life in the world...cause everyone handles things differently...this was just my way. let me first say i had my mom...and my sisters which they were awsome...and still are it was just the point that growing up we never talked about serious feelings... or serious problems...my family never thought shit like what i did could happen to our family...so now...Try growing up without your dad...where knowing one of the only reasons he wasnt there for at least a little while longer for your sisters is because he didnt want you. That he talked your mom into an abortion and last minute when they called her name at the abortion clinic...she walked the other way...That he was gone before you were even born and you never saw him again till you were 10 years old and only for a week then...then have him kill himself 2 years later. And you were never able to talk about him to anyone in your family. Also have everyone in school always making fun of you...when the school teachers told your class about your dad thinking theyd make your classmates give you sympathy...but no! that just gave them more ammo. Your dad didnt even love you...thats what they said. Should I have ignored them...yes. But i wasnt very strong...after already been through years of torment. (considering the first bf I ever had in school...yeah he was paid to go out with me...and the guy who paid him expected me to pay him back) Try growing up wanting to feel special to someone...having a crush on your oldest sisters ex boyfriend...who when you hit 17 took advantage of that crush...(he was 23)...and have him not listen when you tell him to stop...when you tell him NO! ...so a few months later you meet someone you think is great...and date him for 2 years...2 years thinking everything is great...and he cheats on you with some girl at a bar...then dumps you cause he thinks he loves her...when a week earlier you were talking about getting married in a year or so...talking about how we wanted kids someday...
And a side note here...I was just a mess..I hadnt started cutting yet.
Ok so then at 19 met another guy who I started seeing...disappered from my family for the next 2 years...they didnt know if I was alive or dead...ANd i got introduced to the wonderful world of drugs and alcohol...with this guy always telling me i wasnt good enough...or I had to be like this girl or that...and I didnt leave cause I needed someone...something. Until the day on my 20th b-day when he beat the living shit outta me for the second time...And I was finally scared enough. It was with him that i finally felt so low...so outta control in my life I needed something I could control. hence introduction to cutting.
So then my next step...into a few deeper drugs...going to bars when i could get in...loving attention I got...but then on the other hand...having a friends dad tell me I deserved being raped cause of the way i dressed.
Then I finally meet a guy who would never hit me...never hurt me...finally made me feel as though I could be a better person...ANd I became stronger...got over cutting...knew there were better ways...knew that I could handle things. And I slowly but surely changed my life. But always remains the scars...I cant make them dissapear like magic but god wish I could....they are always there...always a reminder...and though my bf cant even accept that one part of me...I dont need him to even.
Well let me tell you...I dont need you to understand...I dont need anyone to understand...or accept...I have accepted them...and myself for having them. Stupid little whiny brat dodge? I think not. To have survived my life...because as i said the way i handled things and the way things affected me...to have survived this...with the scars I have...no i am not proud of them...but to have survived... not a stupid little whiny brat...a survivor...and now a strong woman!
I now have a beautiful new baby girl and my bf standing beside me and god hope i never lose control again to start that again. I will do my absolute best to be strong for them if not for me...And just so you know...emotional pain never goes away...it fades...but it is always there. And mine...now i have a reminder every single day i live.
I dont need you to understand...accept...and i sure as hell dont want pity...these are the facts of my life...it is only for me to judge!
Oh and one last thing...cause i seemed to have missed this before...what gives you the right to say that! Like i said you have no right to judge...what gives us the right? ...At least I'm still alive...even with my scars...at least I am alive...and ya know...Thats what gives me the right. Thats what makes it so I deserve to be alive...cause i am!
Kat, that was a very powerful post. It helps shed some light as to why people might cut or hurt themselves. I know from experience that life can hand you the shitty end of the stick. But I was the type that turned in on myself and hid from the world. I still have a problem understanding cutting and why people do it. I always thought it had to do with a trend. 20 years ago it was almost unheard of, but today more and more kids are doing it. I always wondered how many kids would never had tried it if they didn't hear about it and why people do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there isn't a problem causing the cutting, just that there may have been other outlets.
As far as DodgeSniper's comments. We have to remember that the members on here have a large age range. He is only 15 and hasn't experienced what we have. Try to remember your take on life at that age, quite a bit differant than today, right? I don't want to take anything away from our younger members, they aren't stupid by any means. They just haven't experienced life as we have yet.
Take for instance Homer. He has been around the block, when he posts, I will weight it more than average posts. I will always take advantage of his years of wisdom. Age isn't the only thing, it's also experience.
As far as DodgeSniper's comments. We have to remember that the members on here have a large age range. He is only 15 and hasn't experienced what we have. Try to remember your take on life at that age, quite a bit differant than today, right? I don't want to take anything away from our younger members, they aren't stupid by any means. They just haven't experienced life as we have yet.
Take for instance Homer. He has been around the block, when he posts, I will weight it more than average posts. I will always take advantage of his years of wisdom. Age isn't the only thing, it's also experience.
I realize he is at a younger age...which is why i gave a little more background...If it had been someone my age or older I probably wouldnt have done this. Or at least not to the extent i did. I do not think he is stupid by any means. I've read a lot of his other posts... but when someone anyone any age says a choice i make makes me retarded..or stupid...I will say something...like i said i realize he is young...but in my opinion that makes it even more of a valid point to make my statement. No hard feelings and no offense meant. I do not judge anybody...and as I said but i will reiterate...I do not think he is stupid...who knows maybe even as he grows older he will still see things the same way... this was just to say that everything is not black and white...there are grays in there...and you have to understand that things are different for everyone...and until the day you can crawl inside someones head...live their life handling things the exact same way they do...you can never truly understand them.
And as you said you put a little more weight to what homer posts...maybe dodge will find something in my post to take with him..and if i came off sounding too harsh...i am in a way sorry...i do not mean to be...but it is what i have been through that makes it so
No, I didn't think you were coming off too harsh. I know that I enjoyed reading your post, it sheds new light on the subject for me.
I wasn't trying to make it seem that you were too hard on him. It's just that sometimes we forget that everyone here is not on the same maturity level. And by no means is that a shot taken at anyone. Just the pure and simple truth.
I wasn't trying to make it seem that you were too hard on him. It's just that sometimes we forget that everyone here is not on the same maturity level. And by no means is that a shot taken at anyone. Just the pure and simple truth.
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