Self Harm

[TheOnly]

I used to self harm (yes i admit it, but i dont do it now) and i know other people who have done it. i talked to some other people and most of them are of the opinion that people who self harm are only doin it fora ttention. i disagree with this because i know poeple with actual problems and who go to great lengths nott o let any1 know what they do.

What do all you guys think?

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Depends on the person. IMO some are partially adrenaline junkies, partially begging for attention yet are terrified of someone finding out.

I knew a kid who carved his (then) girlfriends name into his ankle with a razer.

 

[Kat]

I will tell you that i also used to do it...though in my case it wasnt for attention...I went to great lengths to hide what i did. Now looking back on it...and how i felt when i was doing it.I did it whenever i was going through emotional pain...when i screwed up with someone i cared (or thought I cared) about. I couldnt fix what I had done...and in some cases they wouldnt forgive me...So in my head when i cut...it was something I could see heal...and fade away...unlike the mental stuff that I couldnt see heal...I guess in a way it was symbolic...the cut represented the screw up...the hurt i caused or the hurt i felt...and once the cut healed and faded...that would mean to me maybe the hurt inside had healed as well.

I have been "clean" for 2 years so far...and everyday is that much brighter...cause I now realize that what i was actually doin was causing more scars on the inside of my soul...as well as on the outside of my body. I am healing still...and learning...thankfully I had many people who cared about me to help me through this.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

This should be fun for me to answer, and I'm probably gonna get a lot of bad responses to it, but whatever. Most people just assume that because your gothic/emo/whatever, you cut/burn/hurt yourself, but that's not the case. I've seen many normal people do it, and I don't really do the whole labeling thing, but I'd be considered gothic, and I don't do any of that stupid shit. I mean sure, sometimes I get bored and stick safety pins through my skin, but I have some logical explanations behind that! For one, I only go through the first layer of skin, which causes no permanent scarring, damage, or pain. And secondly, I don't do it for attention or "to get rid of the emotional pain". Like I said, I'm a freak, I get bored, weird things happen. For example, the last time I got bored, I lit a 4 foot tall(and I think about 3 foot wide) cardboard box on fire and poured almost 3 gallons of gasoline on it, just to watch it burn. Then I jumped over the fire. So yeah. My thoughts though, are that it's just retarded. You're being a stupid whiny little brat. Everybody has emotional pain, but that goes away most of the time. You can actually die from cutting or whatever, so you're just messing up in the end. It's like suicide, that's just taking the easy way out. We all have to deal with shit, so why should you have to be a pansy and kill yourself because your dog died/girl or boyfriend dumped you/everybody at school hates you? Just grow up people. It's life, and life isn't fair. There's a saying, life's a bitch, then you die. We all have to deal with it.

Lemme put it this way, if you want an adrenalin rush, go street-racing, jump a four-wheeler/dirtbike off of a 10 foot ramp, egg the police station or a cops house, do anything but cut yourself. It's stupid.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

So you're not a cutter, you're a pyro.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

Pretty much, but I just don't burn myself, I burn other objects Completely different!

 

[andcuriouser]

Some people who cut do have problems. Cutting is a disorder, not a roundabout way of suicide. I see the connection, never had it myself to that degree, but I do sort of understand the reasoning behind it.

I never cut, but I guess I self-harmed in a really roundabout way. As most of you probably know, I am a "survivor" (or whatever you want to call it) of child abuse. I used to egg my mother on sometimes to get her to hit me, because it got to a point where I needed that validation. She would say that she only did it because she loved me and wanted me to be a better person. If I ever felt like I was upset or wrong or in some sort of pain, all I had to do was fumble a word in a prayer or dawdle in church or come home a few minutes late. Then she would react very strongly, and I could think to myself, "Good, she still loves me."

And maybe it was for attention too, because when I was a kid (under twelve, I think), every time my mother hit me I would start crying. I would never go to my dad, because it was something I just wasn't supposed to tell him about (my mother went to very great lengths to hide it from him--he doesn't even know the extent of it to this day), so I would go bawling to my sister, and she would comfort me and sing me lullabies and such. Sometimes I would prick my skin with a sewing needle so that I would get tears in my eyes, and then run to my sister. I didn't even have to say anything, she'd just immediately start hugging me. So that was definitely for attention.

When I was a bit older, I started self-harming in different ways. Got into and stayed in a very bad relationship. Started smoking, drinking, doing drugs, skipping school. All that just gave my mother more excuses for abuse, which goes back to the first cycle of constantly giving her reasons to hit me so that I could think "she still loves me."

Sadly (and I know it), I still do it. I never intend to, there's no real forethought. But when she does hit me, my first reaction is "thank you." Fucked up, maybe, but there you go. I put myself out there, and don't object overly much when I'm hurt. Self harm? I guess.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

I'm sorry, but I have to strongly disagree with you there. Cutting is not a disorder, just like being a drunk or being fat(Not because of thyroids and stuff, because you eat too much) is not a disorder. People choose to cut themselves, they don't do it from some stupid disorder. It's supposedly a way to get rid of the emotional pain, but in my eyes, it's just retarded. If you don't respect yourself or your body, or the people who care about you enough to not do things like that to yourself, maybe you don't deserve to even live. I really just don't see how that can be a "disorder". Sure, being overweight because of thyroids, that's a disorder. But sitting on your ass eating pizza isn't a disorder, it's being a fatass. Drinking 6 cases of beer a day isn't a disorder, it's being a drunk. My health teacher last year had a family history of her male relatives, and even a few female relatives, being alcohol abusers, yet she never drank a drop of alcohol in her life. So don't blame that shit on family history either.

 

[Haus]

Well Sniper alot of the Times Self harming your self can go along with Depression/Manic Depressive which is a disorder. Very serious one at that. I delt with depression since i was 14-15 years old. First it just started with me being sad alot of the times. I went to a Doctor and was diagnosed with Bipolar(Manic Depressive) Talked to him for a while and then saw a doctor to get medication. Helped a little but my depression got really bad i was a total mess. All the emotional pain i was feeling in side was to much to deal with. So i tried to find out ways to get rid of this pain that was far more worse then an physical pain i had ever felt. So i started Cutting up my arms. with every slice i did and every drop of blood, i started feeling better inside. Until the next time i started feeling like shit in side. i would cut some more and as i saw the Blood dripping i would notice tears coming out of my eyes. this was the only way i could think of to get rid of the Horrible pain inside. Well this went on till i was 21 years old. But it got to the point where i dint want to feel like that anymore and i tried to commit suicide. i had 40.00 to my name. i bought a box of those Nicotine patches and a pack of cigarettes. Your not allowed to have 1 of them on and smoke. it could be to much nicotine. well i put all 7 on and started smoking cigs. until my mom talked me out of it and i took them off. you may think its stupid that people harm them selves physically to rid the emotional pain they feel inside buts sometimes that all they have to get rid of it. alot of things helped me over come harming my self. the sadness i cause for my family when ever i would hurt my self. the tears in my parents eyes, the look in my freinds eyes when she saw my arms all sliced up, almost losing everything in my life and the advise of my doctor that i will never forget. "A permanent solution is not the answer to a temporary problem" the last time i harmed my self was Febuary 1st 2004. after that night i left my friends apartment and later in the evening her boyfreind called me and told me she was in the hospital. her kidneys were acting up again. and i felt i caused them to act up again by how upset i made her that night. but as i got older i know how to deal with it if i feel that way again ever tho i havent dealt with that type of pain for a long time. I'm still taking meds and probally will have to take them for the rest of my life.

 

[Sneakiecat]

People choose to cut themselves, they don't do it from some stupid disorder. It's supposedly a way to get rid of the emotional pain, but in my eyes, it's just retarded.

So it was retarded for my little brother to punch things (walls, goal post, whatever happened to be near by) until his knuckles were bloody and his hands were nearly broken because he didn't know any other way to deal with the death of his girlfriend? And then there was the headbutting (he nearly knocked himself out a couple of times). I know you said cutting but self harm includes a lot of different things. Thankfully, we got him talking to a therapist and on some medicine for awhile. He still vents his anger and frustration by punching things, though he's using gloves and punching bags. Did he choose to react this way? No, it was the only way he knew how.

You say that cutting could kill you (which is possible). But you set things on fire and jump over them. Do you think that's a might dangerous and could kill you (fire getting out of control, falling into it, what have you)? And sticking safety pins in your arm, even in the first layer of skin, because you're bored isn't exactly a healthy behavior either.

 

[SilentEyz]

I'm sorry, but I have to strongly disagree with you there. Cutting is not a disorder, just like being a drunk or being fat(Not because of thyroids and stuff, because you eat too much) is not a disorder. People choose to cut themselves, they don't do it from some stupid disorder. It's supposedly a way to get rid of the emotional pain, but in my eyes, it's just retarded. If you don't respect yourself or your body, or the people who care about you enough to not do things like that to yourself, maybe you don't deserve to even live. I really just don't see how that can be a "disorder". Sure, being overweight because of thyroids, that's a disorder. But sitting on your ass eating pizza isn't a disorder, it's being a fatass. Drinking 6 cases of beer a day isn't a disorder, it's being a drunk. My health teacher last year had a family history of her male relatives, and even a few female relatives, being alcohol abusers, yet she never drank a drop of alcohol in her life. So don't blame that shit on family history either.

Well DODGe, as you have so kindly pointed out.. YOU have not been there, .. Which means YOU have no right to say why people do it. YOU cannott understand..

Kat poured out a very sensitive part of herself in admitting to her past with cutting.. And then you come in and basically call her a liar and tell her she is stupid.

The Cutter themselves is the only one who has to Justify why they do it.. and Guess what.. A lot of times they feel weak and stupid for doing it to themselves... But they still do it.. They still need that feeling it gives them, that something to focus on.

MOST cutters do not do it for attention, they do it for thier own sanity.. Some dont care if others see it because it justify's the way they already feel about themselves, and some hide it because they hide who they are anyway.. its just another part of them they feel responsible to hide.

But if you have not done it.. Hey Great for you.. But that Absolutly does not give you the right to tell others their reason for doing it are stupid or just an excuse. If you havent been there, you cant understand,

EVERYBODY in this world deals with thier own issues, and self-doubts, anger, pain and sorrow in thier own ways, some are not perfect, some settle for self destruction, others settle for outer destruction. some feel nothing and some feel everything...

And FYI, most cutters do it, as an alternative to Suicide, because they want to be stronger then allowing theirselves to give in to that desire, most are NOT doing it to cause themselves damage or pain, Cutting can be like a drug, an addiction, when you find out it works, the need for it grows. some become dependent on it. it's not boredom, its not attention.. Its control, and to Cut is more self control, then some people could ever imagine.

Dont insult something you dont understand, your so strong mentally that you can't imagine needing a vice to deal with life.. Then great, but accept and understand that we all have our own ways of having to deal with our own minds, it does not make us Stupid or Weak, try to relate rather then condemn.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

Well Sniper alot of the Times Self harming your self can go along with Depression/Manic Depressive which is a disorder. Very serious one at that. I delt with depression since i was 14-15 years old. First it just started with me being sad alot of the times. I went to a Doctor and was diagnosed with Bipolar(Manic Depressive) Talked to him for a while and then saw a doctor to get medication. Helped a little but my depression got really bad i was a total mess. All the emotional pain i was feeling in side was to much to deal with. So i tried to find out ways to get rid of this pain that was far more worse then an physical pain i had ever felt. So i started Cutting up my arms. with every slice i did and every drop of blood, i started feeling better inside. Until the next time i started feeling like shit in side. i would cut some more and as i saw the Blood dripping i would notice tears coming out of my eyes. this was the only way i could think of to get rid of the Horrible pain inside. Well this went on till i was 21 years old. But it got to the point where i dint want to feel like that anymore and i tried to commit suicide. i had 40.00 to my name. i bought a box of those Nicotine patches and a pack of cigarettes. Your not allowed to have 1 of them on and smoke. it could be to much nicotine. well i put all 7 on and started smoking cigs. until my mom talked me out of it and i took them off. you may think its stupid that people harm them selves physically to rid the emotional pain they feel inside buts sometimes that all they have to get rid of it. alot of things helped me over come harming my self. the sadness i cause for my family when ever i would hurt my self. the tears in my parents eyes, the look in my freinds eyes when she saw my arms all sliced up, almost losing everything in my life and the advise of my doctor that i will never forget. "A permanent solution is not the answer to a temporary problem" the last time i harmed my self was Febuary 1st 2004. after that night i left my friends apartment and later in the evening her boyfreind called me and told me she was in the hospital. her kidneys were acting up again. and i felt i caused them to act up again by how upset i made her that night. but as i got older i know how to deal with it if i feel that way again ever tho i havent dealt with that type of pain for a long time. I'm still taking meds and probally will have to take them for the rest of my life.

And I understand that, but cutting itself isn't a disorder, it's a byproduct of a disorder.

So it was retarded for my little brother to punch things (walls, goal post, whatever happened to be near by) until his knuckles were bloody and his hands were nearly broken because he didn't know any other way to deal with the death of his girlfriend? And then there was the headbutting (he nearly knocked himself out a couple of times). I know you said cutting but self harm includes a lot of different things. Thankfully, we got him talking to a therapist and on some medicine for awhile. He still vents his anger and frustration by punching things, though he's using gloves and punching bags. Did he choose to react this way? No, it was the only way he knew how.

You say that cutting could kill you (which is possible). But you set things on fire and jump over them. Do you think that's a might dangerous and could kill you (fire getting out of control, falling into it, what have you)? And sticking safety pins in your arm, even in the first layer of skin, because you're bored isn't exactly a healthy behavior either.

Punching things, that's understandable. Of course, if his girlfriend died, he'd be vehemently upset. But these days, these little emo kids think they're all high and mighty because they think things like gay marriage being banned and their mothers hating them is grounds for extreme depression, so they result to cutting, My dad has threatened to beat the living shit out of me just for looking at him wrong!! Yet you don't see me taking razor blades to myself. I turn to my friends for help, they comfort me and know how to cheer me up. Of course the safety pin matter isn't healthy, but I don't do it ALL the time. And as for the fire, it's a cardboard box, not a pile of logs. If I ever did fall in, I could get up and get out of it before I burned to death. Sure, I've been burned before, but just small things, like burning cans of Axe or something. I'm not using the fire as a means of self harm, so don't bring that up, I'm just a person that has an unusual interest in fire. I'm not stupid enough to jump over a bonfire alone, I always have friends with me, so even if I did fall in, they could and would help to pull me out before I was terribly injured. And considering the hole that the fire is in is only about 2-4 feet across, and I've practiced while it wasn't lit, I can make it across with a good running start and proper foot placement. I've always got a shovel and water near to put the fire out if it gets out of control, and plenty of sand as well. If I get depressed, I cry, I talk to my friends, I don't cut myself. I love my life too much right now. I don't think your brother is wrong, when my friend Katie Ray died, I felt terrible, granted I didn't punch anything, but I wanted to. I'm not gonna insult him for venting on the death of his girlfriend, but the kids these days do this for the dumbest reasons. Some people I know say they just do it for fun, or because it "feels good".

Well DODGe, as you have so kindly pointed out.. YOU have not been there, .. Which means YOU have no right to say why people do it. YOU cannott understand..

Kat poured out a very sensitive part of herself in admitting to her past with cutting.. And then you come in and basically call her a liar and tell her she is stupid.

The Cutter themselves is the only one who has to Justify why they do it.. and Guess what.. A lot of times they feel weak and stupid for doing it to themselves... But they still do it.. They still need that feeling it gives them, that something to focus on.

MOST cutters do not do it for attention, they do it for thier own sanity.. Some dont care if others see it because it justify's the way they already feel about themselves, and some hide it because they hide who they are anyway.. its just another part of them they feel responsible to hide.

But if you have not done it.. Hey Great for you.. But that Absolutly does not give you the right to tell others their reason for doing it are stupid or just an excuse. If you havent been there, you cant understand,

EVERYBODY in this world deals with thier own issues, and self-doubts, anger, pain and sorrow in thier own ways, some are not perfect, some settle for self destruction, others settle for outer destruction. some feel nothing and some feel everything...

And FYI, most cutters do it, as an alternative to Suicide, because they want to be stronger then allowing theirselves to give in to that desire, most are NOT doing it to cause themselves damage or pain, Cutting can be like a drug, an addiction, when you find out it works, the need for it grows. some become dependent on it. it's not boredom, its not attention.. Its control, and to Cut is more self control, then some people could ever imagine.

Dont insult something you dont understand, your so strong mentally that you can't imagine needing a vice to deal with life.. Then great, but accept and understand that we all have our own ways of having to deal with our own minds, it does not make us Stupid or Weak, try to relate rather then condemn.

Yes, I've never cut, but I have friends that used to do it, so even if it's just a small space, I still have a little bit of room to talk. Finding out how things work doesn't evolve into an addiction. I know how a car works, but I'm not addicted to that. Sure, that's pretty different, but it's still similar.

 

[andcuriouser]

But these days, these little emo kids think they're all high and mighty because they think things like gay marriage being banned and their mothers hating them is grounds for extreme depression, so they result to cutting, My dad has threatened to beat the living shit out of me just for looking at him wrong!!

Okay, that's where you're wrong. If I couldn't marry the love of my life, damn fucking right I'd be depressed. Their mothers hating them? I hope you realize that is emotional ABUSE.

So what your dad threatened to beat the living shit out of you for looking at him wrong. My mother beat the shit out of me for EXISTING. Would you be depressed if your mother bathed you in fucking bleach? Made you stand for hours in the sun on hot concrete? Broke your ribs? Caused you to get hypothermia?

You have no idea. You say so yourself you've never been there. Congratulations, you haven't suffered emotional trauma. But have some tact, have a little bit of empathy maybe. Everyone reacts differently, and a lot of people have been through worse.

 

[Sneakiecat]

And I understand that, but cutting itself isn't a disorder, it's a byproduct of a disorder.



Punching things, that's understandable. Of course, if his girlfriend died, he'd be vehemently upset. But these days, these little emo kids think they're all high and mighty because they think things like gay marriage being banned and their mothers hating them is grounds for extreme depression, so they result to cutting, My dad has threatened to beat the living shit out of me just for looking at him wrong!! Yet you don't see me taking razor blades to myself. I turn to my friends for help, they comfort me and know how to cheer me up. Of course the safety pin matter isn't healthy, but I don't do it ALL the time. And as for the fire, it's a cardboard box, not a pile of logs. If I ever did fall in, I could get up and get out of it before I burned to death. Sure, I've been burned before, but just small things, like burning cans of Axe or something. I'm not using the fire as a means of self harm, so don't bring that up, I'm just a person that has an unusual interest in fire. I'm not stupid enough to jump over a bonfire alone, I always have friends with me, so even if I did fall in, they could and would help to pull me out before I was terribly injured. And considering the hole that the fire is in is only about 2-4 feet across, and I've practiced while it wasn't lit, I can make it across with a good running start and proper foot placement. I've always got a shovel and water near to put the fire out if it gets out of control, and plenty of sand as well. If I get depressed, I cry, I talk to my friends, I don't cut myself. I love my life too much right now. I don't think your brother is wrong, when my friend Katie Ray died, I felt terrible, granted I didn't punch anything, but I wanted to. I'm not gonna insult him for venting on the death of his girlfriend, but the kids these days do this for the dumbest reasons. Some people I know say they just do it for fun, or because it "feels good".

You mentioned gaining weight because of thyroid problems. The weight gain is a byproduct of the thyroid problem, just like cutting is a byproduct of the Bipolar/depression (as you put it). Amy's death was the lowest point in my brother's life and that's how he reacted. Just like other people come to the lowest point in their life and see that cutting is the only way to make it better. His depression (more along the lines of Bipolar, his therapist found a lot of symptoms) just so happen to take the form of anger while others take other forms. You say cutting (and I'm assuming other forms of self harm) are retarded. Then you are, in fact, insulting a lot of people, the least of all my brother.

So you may not burn to death in your little fire stunts but all it take is one second to be burned pretty bad, regardless of who or what is around. And burning cans of Axe is one of the dumbest things I've heard of. Pressurized canisters and fire do not mix.

 

[SilentEyz]

Yes, I've never cut, but I have friends that used to do it, so even if it's just a small space, I still have a little bit of room to talk. Finding out how things work doesn't evolve into an addiction. I know how a car works, but I'm not addicted to that. Sure, that's pretty different, but it's still similar.

No, Just because you know people who have Cut does not give you space.. Unless you were in their minds and know exactly what they were feeling and thinking at the time...

And yes it does evolve into an addiction... It works like a drug.

You say you do the whole pyro thing, and safty pin thing.. you have your reasons.. play it off however you want...there are still reasons behind it, and to say otherwise just means your still in a state of denial... You have reasons, and most of us probably may or may not understand them.. for you to say you do it out of boredom or just to be a freak... to me thats ridiculus, but its your thing, and it is what works for you.

If a cutter was to die from cutting.. It is because they want to die.. not because they cut.

So Yes, I used to cut... It was the only thing in my life that I felt I could control, I couldnt control things happening in my life.. I couldnt control the people or the way they treated me in my life.. and I couldnt control my emotions...

But I could control the blade on my skin.. I could control how long, and how deep.. how much pain I allowed... I could control how much blood would flow... When I cut.. it gave me a focus away from my thoughts and my emotions.. And I did everything to hide when I did it... and the more I cut and felt I had power over myself.. The more I depended on that blade to calm my mind....

and that dependency.. and that need..... sadly as much control as it gave me.. it did not give me enough... I did so much damage to myself...

I stopped when I had my daughter.. I have only ever cut once or twice since... not because I wanted to.. but because as my world fell apart around me.. I NEEDED to.. and when I did, I realized.. it really didnt help, and I know It never did.. but at the time... it is what worked.. and it was my drug.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

And yes it does evolve into an addiction... It works like a drug.

Adrenaline is a drug, a lot of cutters would cut just for the rush. Pretty soon, that was their addiction.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

Well then if it's the adrenaline rush that is the addiction for a lot of cutters, again, there are many safer ways to get an adrenaline rush.

 

[Sneakiecat]

But not all people who cut are in it for the "rush." It's an emotional release.

 

[Haus]

But not all people who cut are in it for the "rush." It's an emotional release.

exactly.

 

[SilentEyz]

Adrenaline is a drug, a lot of cutters would cut just for the rush. Pretty soon, that was their addiction.

Um Actually I would say the oppisite is true.. Usually it is our emotions that have us on an adrenaline Rush.. Cutting actually calms and slows us down.. allows us to process and think. so I dont think you could say its for the rush.. if anything it is for the calming effect that can come with it.