Secrets: Tell all or shut up?

[Mystic]

I think it depends on the type of information you are holding back. Like for instance if,as in your example, both friends know each other and you are the go between, I'd be keeping my nose out of it...

Funny enough Jim I was in the same boat this year, as I think you and Mel know, with the last two members that had joined our site before it closed down. I was close with both, but one was saying shit about the other and vice versa...in the end with me being in the middle it got very difficult to stay true to both... the one cheated on the other and I turned on the cheater, but then I became the bad guy when they got back together...so its just not worth getting involved when both are your friends, even IF they do something you don't agree with.

but sometimes... you have to pick a side...the side I chose in the end was to not talk to either of them even after they both came to me in the summer and apologized for placing me in the middle... the damage was done and I got to see who they really were so to me it was some what a relief to just let them fade out of my life after that.

Its like when we were all at one of the other forums and even though we didn't have a problem with everyone we left all of them behind when we did go... its a comfort level, trust and certainly loyalty that counts for things.

 

[Wookiegirl]

Personally I'd want a friend to tell me the truth on what's going on, it's honestly how much criticism the person can handle. If you're the type of person who's very sensitive about what others think then I'd probably be hesistant on telling because it'll hurt their feelings, but having something which affects your reputation needs to be told in my opinion, no matter how hurt they get. Besides you're not the person who spread the rumor or the gossip, you're not the person who hurted them. They might feel hurt but it'll only be temporarily and they need to pick themselves up somehow, during that time I'd console and support the friend. Helping them through it.

:homo:

 

[Mystic]

oh and btw, i want to know... gives me a chance to defend myself if I thought I needed to.

 

[Minor Axis]

I am in a moral quandry. If you know something that could hurt somebody that is your friend do you tell them, thinking that they have the right to know, or do you say nothing, thinking that their knowing would only hurt them and would accomplish nothing.

For example, you have two friends but they don't know they are both your friends. Friend #1 says that friend #2 is a cheap slut because so-and-so said she slept with the basketball team. This may or may not be trubut the point is your friend #2 is being hurt without her knowledge. Do you tell her, knowing it will hurt her, or do you shut up, hoping it will die out and she will never hear about it?

Four issues in your example 1) Is it true? 2) Is friend #1 friends with friend #2? 3) Does friend #2 need to be shielded? 4) Where do you stand between these two friends? I'd say truth as a rule carries more weight. Whether to tell or not tell friend #2, (who is being talked about) depends on where you stand.

If #1 tells you and you know it's the truth, I'd say it's personal preference if you tell #2 or not. Being two faced, friendly to someone and then stabbing them in the back is not a desirable trait IMO. I would have a harder time being friends with someone like that because they could be doing it to me. If it's false, I'd definitely tell #2 unless you value your relationship with #1 more. You are in a situation where you might alienate one of your friends so that factors in.

 

[Hans]

oh and btw, i want to know... gives me a chance to defend myself if I thought I needed to.

I can understand peoples want to know if the information is public and/or damaging, but if its being spread, youll hear it one way or another.

If its more of a "i dont liks this girl, shes a slut". You may think you want to know, but if you never do know, youll have a happier life.