Question mainly for the ladies

[SloMoFo]

porn is fine, its strip clubs i dont like ..the thought of some other woman grinding against my man boils my blood

porn is just visual and the only physical contact there is self inflicted so i have no problem with that, i could even join in on the fun of watching porn

 

[Ms_Kitty]

My husband and I had some problems in our marriage awhile back related to this exact topic, what we came to realize was that the porn wasn't the problem our lack of communication revolving around it was........we have now learned to be more open when it comes to what we both need and desire sexually......I don't mind that he watches porn, I've just come to realize when he's alone I prefer he watches videos we have made or that I have made for him (without his knowledge of course), the other porn we can watch together, I also don't mind if he visits strip clubs, I just prefer to go with him, it gives me peace of mind as to what goes on there and it turns me on to see my husband receive that kind of attention from another woman........I guess my advice is keep your lines of communication open, which it seems you two have, maybe try some of the things we did, it may help your situation and if not then you try something else.

 

[peppermint]

How do you handle porn and your partner? Are you comfortable with it. ( be it strip clubs/ internet pics & videos/ or even magazines)

The problem isn't porn.

It really isn't.

The problem is communication. People get married, or live together, or form a serious relationship bond, without talking about what's important to them. We eat together, we screw, we watch tv, we talk about everyone else. We don't talk about ourselves and what we want or expect out of a relationship. Then we're surprised when it falls apart, because one of us is doing something the other simply cannot tolerate.

Imho, if you (no matter who you are, male/female/christian/buddhist/atheist/black/white/asian/hispanic/etc), cannot accept a relationship where your partner does "......." whatever it is, then tell them straight out. Tell people at the point where you decide that the relationship is going to be a lasting one, what you want. If they agree to it, then it's up to them to stick to their end of the bargain. If they don't agree to it, and you still want them, then it's up to you to live with what you have already accepted. People always try to change each other, and it doesn't work. You can't change somebody else. You can only change yourself. Are you willing to change who you are for somebody else, or are you unwilling to compromise just to have somebody you want? Either way, it's got to be what YOU want, and not what they want.

If people could only get that, we wouldn't have so many divorces, so many single parent homes, so many broken hearts. You don't have to suffer. Just say what you want, and get what you want. Stop waiting for people to guess, and then getting pissed off at them when they don't get it right.

Communication is key. That's my answer and I'm stickin' to it!

 

[Maulds]

Thats the closest thing to porn I have seen in quite some time

 

[GuesSAngel]

I love porn and I love strippers. I don't care if my husband watches porn or goes to strip clubs. amen.

 

[Maulds]

OK I tried to insert 2 smileys into my post, guess they didnt work

 

[insomniaq]

porn is fine, its strip clubs i dont like ..the thought of some other woman grinding against my man boils my blood

porn is just visual and the only physical contact there is self inflicted so i have no problem with that, i could even join in on the fun of watching porn

see....my man was the first person to purchase a lapdance for me. guess i'm just a bit off..?

 

[latinplayachick]

I have no problem with it. I actually am the one who is always down to look at some porn with my significant other. This is the type of thing that you should be able to share with your mate. There's nothing wrong with it. I actually like watching it.

 

[Peter Parka]

I watch Porn and my missus dosen't have a problem with it as long as I'm not turning her down for sex in favour of it. I also am quite open with her about when I'm watching it as she dosen't like me hiding the fact from her which is fair enough. To be honest, I think you women should feel more secure about your partners when they are going to strip clubs because there is a LOT less chance that the're going to cheat on you there than if they just went to a normal bar!

 

[Kat]

I watch Porn and my missus dosen't have a problem with it as long as I'm not turning her down for sex in favour of it. I also am quite open with her about when I'm watching it as she dosen't like me hiding the fact from her which is fair enough. To be honest, I think you women should feel more secure about your partners when they are going to strip clubs because there is a LOT less chance that the're going to cheat on you there than if they just went to a normal bar!

I do appreciate the fact that he doesnt hide it from me...even when I'm in one of my moods to dislike him looking at it (which is mainly happening because I'm prego right now)...and as far as strip clubs go...honestly it depends on where youre from...a lot of places here...if you get a lap dance in a private room (which they always do it private) ... theres a good chance you'll be offered more...not like he'd accept but I still dont like how insistant the girls can be sometimes...to me strip clubs are worse than bars...and porn on the internet...i cant stand them at all....the other stuff I can handle

 

[Maulds]

My wife has no interest in it, so I don't watch any either. Don't want her to think I aint happy or something like that.

 

[Peter Parka]

I do appreciate the fact that he doesnt hide it from me...even when I'm in one of my moods to dislike him looking at it (which is mainly happening because I'm prego right now)...and as far as strip clubs go...honestly it depends on where youre from...a lot of places here...if you get a lap dance in a private room (which they always do it private) ... theres a good chance you'll be offered more...not like he'd accept but I still dont like how insistant the girls can be sometimes...to me strip clubs are worse than bars...and porn on the internet...i cant stand them at all....the other stuff I can handle

Oh. Strip clubs over here are very different. There is a strict no touching policy which is enforced by several large bouncers. If you try and grope the girls, you get thrown out of the club (sometimes literally!) and if you're really unlucky the bouncers will beat the crap out of you! In other words, there's more chance of hell freezing over than of getting lucky in a strip club!

 

[insomniaq]

Oh. Strip clubs over here are very different. There is a strict no touching policy which is enforced by several large bouncers. If you try and grope the girls, you get thrown out of the club (sometimes literally!) and if you're really unlucky the bouncers will beat the crap out of you! In other words, there's more chance of hell freezing over than of getting lucky in a strip club!

that's the way it's sposed to be where i live as well...it just changed a coupla years ago. funny how it really isn't making an impact and there's still groping and etc. going on. there's also a new no full nudity policy in the particular county i live in and that's not exactly working either once there's enough cash laid out (or in the panties).

 

[Kat]

actually thats not quite what I meant....here...its not my bf I'm worried about....he wouldnt grope or touch anyways...but I've seen some of those girls.... *went with a guy friend before) ..... If they think youre cute.... the push for you to have sex with them.... thats what I meant...


Tho all in all like I said... I trust him completely so I guess theres no problem there either

 

[insomniaq]

well, i think he should respect you if you're in a secure committed relationship though...i solved that problem by going along with my man and having more fun than he did.

 

[Peter Parka]

If they think youre cute.... the push for you to have sex with them.... thats what I meant...

Oh, we don't have that problem over here. If they did that they'd get sacked on the spot!

 

[Kat]

well, i think he should respect you if you're in a secure committed relationship though...i solved that problem by going along with my man and having more fun than he did.

lol...at the begining of this thread I had said that he doesnt go to strip clubs anymore because he knows how much I dont like them....so its not an issue...I was just saying how I felt about them and why...

As for going with him...no way unless he wants me to go to jail for murder....any girl come up to my man and put her junk in his face....would be DEAD ON THE SPOT!!! ...... the spot about 10 feet before she got to him even....yeah thats me ...cant help it ....

 

[Minx Kitten]

How do you handle porn and your partner? Are you comfortable with it. ( be it strip clubs/ internet pics & videos/ or even magazines)

No, I'm not. My boyfriend sort of thinks it makes it better for me if he shows me what he's watching. Occasionally he has shown me pictures and videos thinking that as long as he's honest, I don't have a problem. But I do. And I've told him.

Me personally I really dont like it...don't get the point of it when your partner is willing to do anything for/with you.

I also think it's insulting....

That's exactly what I told him. It's insulting, and it's hurtful. I know some guys have said during this thread that it doesn't mean that he is interested in other women or that he's attracted to girls other than you, but it still hurts to know that you are not enough for him, if you know what I mean...

For the record, even though I don't like it, I would prefer him watching it when he's alone, and never tell me about it. Because I think most guys do that anyway, am I right? When you show/tell your girlfriend about it, you're just rubbing it in her face, in my opinion.

I tried to be cool about it in the beginning actually, because I didn't want to be the bitch that tells the guy what he can and can't do... But in the end I just realised that I couldn't live with it, so I told him how I felt. And he understood where I came from. So I definitely think that communication is the best way to go when it comes to these things. Men are not mind readers!

 

[majikstranger]

As a guy i tell ya their is not much to worry about. Sex is a very interesting thing for both sexes. it is mostly a mental stimulus activity and a sensory gratifying experience. We men love visual stimulation. We will get turned on by a cartoon duck with curves. We are pre programned to to excited by certain shapes and physical attributes thats all. Truth is though a man can want to go watch porn 24/7, want a lap dance from a stripper every night, sleep around with all the young women at mardi gras on spring break, he will still always want to end up home with the woman he loves. We have a two woman classification, women we want to sleep with and never see again, and women we want to love and be with and come home to everynight.

As far as your ex boyfriend, he was an idiot. I will tell you porn stars don;t even look like porn stars. Its all make up and camera tricks and surgery. You getting traumatized over his idiotic commentsis ridiculous. I mean really think back arent you much better of now that hes gone. He was probably a mosquito bite that was terribly annoying but felt good to scratch until it became to annoying to do that. If someone is not conducive to a good life for you, move the hell on and only remember the good parts.

Trust me the secret to a good relationship especially from a mens point of view, is to allow him freedom to express himself without fear. Allow him and give him new and exciting pleaseres to keep him stimulated mentally as well as he should to you too.

hope this helps. porn never corrupted anything it was your corrupted ex that thought he was a porn star himself

 

[Peter Parka]

No, I'm not. My boyfriend sort of thinks it makes it better for me if he shows me what he's watching. Occasionally he has shown me pictures and videos thinking that as long as he's honest, I don't have a problem. But I do. And I've told him.



That's exactly what I told him. It's insulting, and it's hurtful. I know some guys have said during this thread that it doesn't mean that he is interested in other women or that he's attracted to girls other than you, but it still hurts to know that you are not enough for him, if you know what I mean...

For the record, even though I don't like it, I would prefer him watching it when he's alone, and never tell me about it. Because I think most guys do that anyway, am I right? When you show/tell your girlfriend about it, you're just rubbing it in her face, in my opinion.

I tried to be cool about it in the beginning actually, because I didn't want to be the bitch that tells the guy what he can and can't do... But in the end I just realised that I couldn't live with it, so I told him how I felt. And he understood where I came from. So I definitely think that communication is the best way to go when it comes to these things. Men are not mind readers!

Not trying to critise your point of view because I don't see any wrongs or rights here if both are happy with the arangement. In my relationship my wife and I think that honesty is really important. With this in mind my wife would rather know when I'm watching porn than hiding it from her. Because she's ill I have a higher sex drive than her. Because of this there are times when she's rather me have a wank when I'm feeling horny.