mom arrested for spanking

[robdawg1]

I see where you're coming from Rob but I don't want you to feel offended by what I'm about to write.

The ultimate cause of bad behavior lays always in the way the child was brought up. Studies on punishment conveyed in 1995 proved that punishment is ineffectivtve as a form of disciplining the child. I don't want to get this too personal. You might have children yourself and truely believe you are a wonderful and caring parent. However, the truth is, that we should raise our children so they do not cause problems that request the uses of violence. The main consequence of violence is that the children are used to it and resort to it as adults. Also towards parents and other adults as they were taught that's is ok.

You used the argument of fear. This is not what you want your children to feel. They should obey the rules because they really respect them and respect you, the person who set the rules. It's even better if children set the rules by themselves but I don't want to make this topic too broad.

Believe me that there are many models of discipline but those which include violence as a method were proved ineffective.

I can agree with some of your statments, and in a perfect world the child would be the exact reflection of the parent who raised them and therefore punishment would be moot. The child would behave purely as the child should....

the real world says that children are independent thinking creatures who push the line to see what they can get away with. they also will rebel against the parent's wishes to establish their independence...

I am all for a child learning to respect the rules, but i believe that corporal punishment is a very effective way to learn respect.

But i also tell my children i love them and explain why they have been disciplied, so they know i am not coming from a hatefull or angry place. I dont punish my children in the heat of the moment, I send them to the room while i cool off and can come in and explain whats going on what the did wrong and what the must do to correct it..

also spanking is not a first resprt, it is a last one! and if it is used properly can be very effective!

 

[wsmierzynski]

I'm glad you wrote it.

The truth is that common sense is essential. Nevertheless, there are methods that can substitute spanking, although they are much more demanding.

To convince you even more. Burden in his book entitled "Classroom management and discipline" (1995) stated that punishments, either physical or non-physical, may amplify negative behavior and reinforce the rebelious attitude. Moreover, children feel the respect only when person who punished them is around. The use of punishment also attenuates spontaneousness, will to cooperate, and assertiveness.

We also need to be aware that as adults we are always stronger than children. Spanking for us may be considered as a serious beating for a child.

To conclude, if one can see a method differend from punishment, he should use it.

BTW. Discipline was the topic of my discourse this year. Would you like to read it?

 

[Sneakiecat]

To convince you even more. Burden in his book entitled "Classroom management and discipline" (1995) stated that punishments, either physical or non-physical, may amplify negative behavior and reinforce the rebelious attitude. Moreover, children feel the respect only when person who punished them is around. The use of punishment also attenuates spontaneousness, will to cooperate, and assertiveness.

Classroom management and parenting are two waaaay different things.

 

[robdawg1]

Respectfully no wsmierzynski, I have a feeling we are going to agree to disagree here.

You have to understand that i am in law enforcement and believe very strongly that retribution is the way to handle crime, and you have to repay your debt for making your mistake...

I say again that this is the age of the coddled spoiled child, and that if you revert to the past and spank your children you will have a lot less problems than you do today with them!

 

[Darph Bobo]

As to the first part of this thread, she was not spanking her child, she was 'whuping' her....obviously that involved a closed fist or something like it.

As to the posts of 'spanking is always bad and never has the desired results', sorry that doesn't hold water. I was spanked as a child and I managed to survive it and become a well adjusted adult. I have spanked my kids a few times (usually no more than a couple swats on the butt) and it had the desired results.

1. They stopped doing what they were doing that caused the punishment.

and

2. They knew that when they were told to stop doing something and didn't, punishment could (and likely would) be forthcoming.

We spanked them when they were younger and it is not really necessary any longer. They are 9 and 11 and the occasional getting something taken away or getting sent to their room now does the job.

 

[wsmierzynski]

Classroom management and parenting are two waaaay different things.

I just wanted to give you the source. The author refers to approach towards children not necessarily in the classroom. Those observations apply to punishment in any environment.

Respectfully no wsmierzynski, I have a feeling we are going to agree to disagree here.

You have to understand that i am in law enforcement and believe very strongly that retribution is the way to handle crime, and you have to repay your debt for making your mistake...

I say again that this is the age of the coddled spoiled child, and that if you revert to the past and spank your children you will have a lot less problems than you do today with them!

But you have to agree that a child can repay for the mistake in a variety of ways.

I also regret that today parents associate discipline with beating children up. I've never been to the US but here in Poland it's a nightmare. Children are excessively spoiled.

 

[robdawg1]

But you have to agree that a child can repay for the mistake in a variety of ways.

I also regret that today parents associate discipline with beating children up. I've never been to the US but here in Poland it's a nightmare. Children are excessively spoiled.

I disagree parents buy into the "time out" coddle the child philosophy, and that has not proven effective...

I have also found spanking effective with my children as a last means punishment. they like it the least and are quick to correct their behavior if they know it will result in spankings...I was spanked and am also well adjusted and capable as an adult

 

[wsmierzynski]

1. They stopped doing what they were doing that caused the punishment.

and

2. They knew that when they were told to stop doing something and didn't, punishment could (and likely would) be forthcoming.

Because they were affraid, not because they knew they were doing something wrong. It's not important that they stop misbehaving but they understand that they shouldn't do it. It's creating self-discipline in a child's mind.

I just have one question for you guys. If there was a different but more work demanding way to achieve the same results, would you still keep on resorting to physical punishment?

 

[robdawg1]

depends on what the technique is and what the end results are

 

[wsmierzynski]

What you say seems like it's more important to you to eliminate the effects of bad behavior than its causes.

 

[robdawg1]

or, how about to eradicate the bad behaviour and educate the children in the correct way!

 

[wsmierzynski]

That's what I mean. You eradicate bad behavior by eradicating it's causes. Than there's no need for punishment.

 

[robdawg1]

so enlighten us please....how is knowing why the bad behavior is caused(aside from the fact that they are kids who either are testing their independence or just doing it because they want to ) and not punishing it going to be effective

 

[Darph Bobo]

How do you eradicate a cause of bad behavior? You can not reason away bad behavior with small children, they 1) don't get it and 2) forget what you said 10 minutes after you said it.

 

[Darph Bobo]

so enlighten us please....how is knowing why the bad behavior is caused(aside from the fact that they are kids who either are testing their independence or just doing it because they want to ) and not punishing it going to be effective

Agreed - I hear lots of theories (usually from people who don't have kids) but never see the proof.

I had a friend in IT that I used to work with. Nice guy, and we would occasionally get into a disagreement on this subject.

He told me at one point that all spanking a child does is show them that 'might makes right'.

Well, I met his child one night at an open house for our new office building. His child was acting like a complete idiot and when my friend tried to reason with him (I would say this boy was 9 or 10), he punched his dad in the crotch.

I can't say that I have ever had that issue with my children.

 

[robdawg1]

Agreed - I hear lots of theories (usually from people who don't have kids) but never see the proof.

I had a friend in IT that I used to work with. Nice guy, and we would occasionally get into a disagreement on this subject.

He told me at one point that all spanking a child does is show them that 'might makes right'.

Well, I met his child one night at an open house for our new office building. His child was acting like a complete idiot and when my friend tried to reason with him (I would say this boy was 9 or 10), he punched his dad in the crotch.

I can't say that I have ever had that issue with my children.

I spanked my 3 year old once for cutting her own hair with scizzors she had climbed up onto the sink to get....
that was one time...now she looks at the scizzors and says "no spanking" and keeps walking!

 

[Darph Bobo]

I spanked my 3 year old once for cutting her own hair with scizzors she had climbed up onto the sink to get....
that was one time...now she looks at the scizzors and says "no spanking" and keeps walking!

No more free haircuts, huh?

 

[Ryder]

She lost control. She deserved to be arrested.

 

[robdawg1]

She lost control. She deserved to be arrested.

if she lost control and there was actual abuse than sure, but if the child was as out of control as the mom says then she should have been whuping her earlier istead of weaiting till it got out of control!



I believe that if punishments arent given while at the same time expressing how much you still love the child then it becomes moot and abusive anyway

 

[skyblue]

the parents should have set ground rules when they were babies