mom arrested for spanking

oh wow, she got spanked because scizzors are dangerous and she has to learn not to play with them so she doesnt get cut and possibly killed...

and she is not using scizzors when we arent around because we watch her closely enough to know what is being cut up and not...
 
wsmierzynski said:
That's what I mean. You eradicate bad behavior by eradicating it's causes. Than there's no need for punishment.
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Easy for you to say. How about an example so we know your are not talking out of your be-hind? ;)

BTW, has anyone here tried to reason with a 3 year old? Success or no? I've notice for small kids say 7 and under, that you can explain something as to why it should not be done, but if it is ignored multiple times, a swat on the bottom or a pinch is very effective in obtaining the desired outcome. I'm not talking about beating them...
 
Darph Bobo said:
How do you eradicate a cause of bad behavior? You can not reason away bad behavior with small children, they 1) don't get it and 2) forget what you said 10 minutes after you said it.
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You HAVE to explain to your children WHY they are being punished. You HAVE to explain WHAT happens if the behavior is not changed. You HAVE to explain HOW the punishment is going to help them in their future. And you HAVE to show your children that even though they have to be punished, that we LOVE them and that is WHY we try to help curve such behavior. After my children are punished, I ask them WHY they were punished (in thier words, not what they think I want to hear) and I ask what they will do in the future to change their behavior!
 
DawgsWife said:
You HAVE to explain to your children WHY they are being punished. You HAVE to explain WHAT happens if the behavior is not changed. You HAVE to explain HOW the punishment is going to help them in their future. And you HAVE to show your children that even though they have to be punished, that we LOVE them and that is WHY we try to help curve such behavior. After my children are punished, I ask them WHY they were punished (in thier words, not what they think I want to hear) and I ask what they will do in the future to change their behavior!
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But we also understand that at 3 years the child is going to have a limited understanding and vocabulary and we try to explain it on a level she can understand! and she does well at listening and absorbing!
 
Darph Bobo said:
How do you eradicate a cause of bad behavior? You can not reason away bad behavior with small children, they 1) don't get it and 2) forget what you said 10 minutes after you said it.
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seriously!!! I gaurentee you my children get it!!!! I let them know why they are being punished prior to a spanking! And, my 3, yes 3, yearold KNOWS when she is doing something wrong.... that's why she tried to hide when she thinks she may be doing something she shoildn't be.... and THAT is why I know she REMEMBERS it WELL AFTER 10 minutes
 
robdawg1 said:
I disagree parents buy into the "time out" coddle the child philosophy, and that has not proven effective...

I have also found spanking effective with my children as a last means punishment. they like it the least and are quick to correct their behavior if they know it will result in spankings...I was spanked and am also well adjusted and capable as an adult
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I HATE writing in this section, but I am gonna cave and do it this time

I will say this.. Some children, spanking doesnt work. Like for example, Austin responds better to reward and to time out than to spanking. Spanking tends to make him worse.

Now Jacob- I can spank him (not 'beat' him) and he will stop what he is doing and do right. I rarely have to touch him

In all honesty, It depends on the child. Some children respond differently. If you notice that spanking is ineffective, then wsmierzynski's techniques would work. Just depends

ALSO I will say NOONE should condone BEATING! That is different than spanking
 
I cannot give you a simple explanation or an example since this is too complex. I'm not giving you my opinions. Well, I am in a sense. However, those opinios have been thoroughly examined and are conclusions of people who devoted their lives to study pedagogy.

Minor Axis, you say that "a swat on the bottom ( . . . ) is very effective in obtaining the desired outcome." when the outcome is not important. You should ask yourself a question why your child is doing something. Sometimes people punish their children for things that are uncomfortable for parents but are absolutely natural for children. The situtation with the scissors is a good example. Now she's not touching the scissors because she's affraid of spanking but she does not know the real consequences of careless use of scissors. When I was very young and I wanted to touch the glass of oven, he simply took my little hand and helped me touch it. I got burned a bit but never tried to do it again. By giving this example, I'm not ecnouraging you to cut your child with the scissors. However, if you had taken the scissors and showed her how sharp they were by cutting something valuable to her, you would have given her the real reason to avoid them. This is what I ment by reasoning.

On the other hand, children are capable of understanding a lot more than we expect.

I like DawgsWife approach as she presents the behavioral approach; children are susceptible to enviromental impulses and we should use it.

And to make myself clear. I'm still talking about physical punishment. Punishment in general is reasonable. Violence is not.
 
wsmierzynski said:
I cannot give you a simple explanation or an example since this is too complex. I'm not giving you my opinions. Well, I am in a sense. However, those opinios have been thoroughly examined and are conclusions of people who devoted their lives to study pedagogy.

Minor Axis, you say that "a swat on the bottom ( . . . ) is very effective in obtaining the desired outcome." when the outcome is not important. You should ask yourself a question why your child is doing something. Sometimes people punish their children for things that are uncomfortable for parents but are absolutely natural for children. The situtation with the scissors is a good example. Now she's not touching the scissors because she's affraid of spanking but she does not know the real consequences of careless use of scissors. When I was very young and I wanted to touch the glass of oven, he simply took my little hand and helped me touch it. I got burned a bit but never tried to do it again. By giving this example, I'm not ecnouraging you to cut your child with the scissors. However, if you had taken the scissors and showed her how sharp they were by cutting something valuable to her, you would have given her the real reason to avoid them. This is what I ment by reasoning.

On the other hand, children are capable of understanding a lot more than we expect.

I like DawgsWife approach as she presents the behavioral approach; children are susceptible to enviromental impulses and we should use it.

And to make myself clear. I'm still talking about physical punishment. Punishment in general is reasonable. Violence is not.
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yea, you can say I have studied a little bit into this.... I am a Clinical Social Worker with a background in Psychology and Sociology.... studied 9 years of it
 
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