Letter Etiquette

[Tuffdisc]

I think it would be poor etiquette even to read someone else letters regardless if they are rude or not. I would hate someone other than myself opening up letters.

Its unfortunate that the person wants to be seen in such bad-light in the first place, but its that person's prerogative and nothing anyone can do about it

 

[MjaneGibson]

I don't think it's poor etiquette just because, as you said, there is no relationship between you and your mother-in-law. I actually think that if there was, reading the letter would maybe be poor form just because feelings could get hurt. Also, a sister is a sister..I tell my mom everything my sister says and vice versa. I guess that's just something that comes with mother/daughter relationships.

 

[Tuffdisc]

I don't think it's poor etiquette just because, as you said, there is no relationship between you and your mother-in-law. I actually think that if there was, reading the letter would maybe be poor form just because feelings could get hurt. Also, a sister is a sister..I tell my mom everything my sister says and vice versa. I guess that's just something that comes with mother/daughter relationships.

I don't believe hiding things or stop saying things in order so that feelings can't be hurt is good for anyone's relation, if a person wants to be vindictive to another, that is the problem of the person being vindictive

 

[Kyle B]

I honestly see no big problem. The letter was addressed to your wife, but she let you see it. It isn't like you took it out of the mailbox, opened it, and read it for yourself without her knowing. The letter was addressed to her, she received it, it's hers now, and she can do what she wants with it.

 

[MjaneGibson]

I don't believe hiding things or stop saying things in order so that feelings can't be hurt is good for anyone's relation, if a person wants to be vindictive to another, that is the problem of the person being vindictive

I meant specifically in terms of sharing it with someone if the mother expected it to be private. If my mother had something to say to me, and felt that the best way to do it was in a private letter to you, then I probably wouldn't share that letter with someone like my significant other (unless of course it involves that person).

Also, you're right...if the person is just writing this letter to be vindictive, then share away. I guess it depends on content more than I thought as well.

 

[BornReady]

Thanks everyone. Your comments are helpful.

 

[Tuffdisc]

I honestly see no big problem. The letter was addressed to your wife, but she let you see it. It isn't like you took it out of the mailbox, opened it, and read it for yourself without her knowing. The letter was addressed to her, she received it, it's hers now, and she can do what she wants with it.

Well yeah, if that is the case, its up to the addressee what to do with that info

 

[Natasha]

LMFAO...on today's episode of "That's exactly what Natasha said 19 hours ago"...this thread!!! :24:

 

[Codrus]

BIG +1

huh?

I might add you strike me as a man who would keep the letter to himself rather than just stir the pot, which you would most likely end up doing letting someone else read it.

why stir my shit and have to deal with the smell?
...i can stir other peoples...its far more enjoyable and i dont have to deal with the the stink :24:

 

[Joe the meek]

huh?

I happen to agree with you 110%

People here who say that the letter can be read by anyone else (other than the husband) is doing nothing but stirring the pot.

There is a reason why my business e-mail has a confidentiality disclaimer.

Letter etiquette IMO dictates that the letter is meant for the person it's addressed to ONLY (spouses excluded because if someone is married, you have to expect that they will share the information with their spouse but that they "trail" will stop there), unless it is noted in the letter that the information given in the letter can be shared with other people.

 

[HK]

People here who say that the letter can be read by anyone else (other than the husband) is doing nothing but stirring the pot.

It's not stirring the pot, it's just true. If BornReady's wife receives a letter and wants to show her husband and her sister what the letter contains then she's well within her rights to do so.

If we were suggesting that he read it without her permission then that's different, but that's not the case here.

 

[Joe the meek]

It's not stirring the pot, it's just true. If BornReady's wife receives a letter and wants to show her husband and her sister what the letter contains then she's well within her rights to do so.

If we were suggesting that he read it without her permission then that's different, but that's not the case here.

The letter wasn't addressed to anyone else but the wife.

Showing a letter to a spouse is expected, showing it to anyone else is not.

If you show the letter to anyone else (except the spouse), there is really no difference in just posting it on the internet for EVERYONE to read.

I may be OK in many minds here to show the letter, but it shows no class nor dignity IMO on the persons part showing the letter.

 

[Aeval]

The letter wasn't addressed to anyone else but the wife.

Showing a letter to a spouse is expected, showing it to anyone else is not.

If you show the letter to anyone else (except the spouse), there is really no difference in just posting it on the internet for EVERYONE to read.

I may be OK in many minds here to show the letter, but it shows no class nor dignity IMO on the persons part showing the letter.

It's her sister...not just "anyone", isn't it?

If there's a struggle now showing it, she shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place (IMO). I feel for her, it must have hurt deeply to receive such a thing and it's obviously playing on her/their mind, but I still think the healthiest option is to destroy it and move on....no matter how difficult.

 

[Joe the meek]

It's her sister...not just "anyone", isn't it?

Knowing families in general, when something goes from one sibling to another (whenever that "something" was intended only for one sibling), no good generally comes of it.

 

[Aeval]

Knowing families in general, when something goes from one sibling to another (whenever that "something" was intended only for one sibling), no good generally comes of it.

Every situation is different....I just hope she gets over the hurt of receiving the letter.

 

[AnitaBeer]

The point is...if you don't want others reading your smack talk..then don't write shit to anyone.
There's nothing wrong with his wife showing this letter to others, especially for proof that the letter existed and to get others opinions on it to make sure they are reading it the same way. .
Once that letter was received by his wife, it's hers to do with which she pleases. There is no right or wrong in it...it just is what it is.

 

[Joe the meek]

The point is...if you don't want others reading your smack talk..then don't write shit to anyone.
There's nothing wrong with his wife showing this letter to others, especially for proof that the letter existed and to get others opinions on it to make sure they are reading it the same way. .
Once that letter was received by his wife, it's hers to do with which she pleases. There is no right or wrong in it...it just is what it is.

We are talking about what is considered proper etiquette, not how to maintain the drama in your life.

When a letter is written to someone specific, it is intended for them only unless otherwise noted by the author of the letter.

BUT...people do need drama LOL

 

[Niamh]

Personally, if you put anything in writing (whether it be by hand or on the internet) you should expect anybody and everybody to be able to have access to it if they want. So I don't think it's any kind of breach in etiquette and, honestly, if someone wrote me a nasty letter I wouldn't much care about etiquette.

:shesaid

 

[Niamh]

The letter wasn't addressed to anyone else but the wife.

Showing a letter to a spouse is expected, showing it to anyone else is not.

If you show the letter to anyone else (except the spouse), there is really no difference in just posting it on the internet for EVERYONE to read.

so you have decided that it's ok to show it your spouse but showing it to your sister is the same as posting it on the internet? Great logic there.

 

[BornReady]

If there's a struggle now showing it, she shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place (IMO).

Yeah, it might have been best not to say anything. My sister-in-law was curious why we don't talk to my mother-in-law anymore. The letter is what ended the relationship. Although it was just the last straw in a poor relationship to begin with.

I feel for her, it must have hurt deeply to receive such a thing and it's obviously playing on her/their mind,

thanks