It's Not The Victim's Fault, Folks

[MainerMikeBrown]

I must say that I'm sick and tired of not only hearing about someone doing something terrible to another, such as rape, but also when some people say that it's partially the victim's fault that it occured.

To me, the bad guy is the assailant, not the victim! If the perpetrator(s) wasn't a dirtbag, the crime would've never taken place. And I have a hard time relating to those who blame a victim as much as the total scumbag who would do this to another.

They imprison victimizers and not the victims for a reason-because it's the criminals fault.

 

[JuggsBunny]

So... it wasn't the idiot kid's fault for throwing ROCKS at vehicles...

When he got pegged by someone carrying a crossbow??? Who was the "victim"??? Or who was the "criminal"????

Nothing is ever black and white, is it???

 

[Tim]

So... it wasn't the idiot kid's fault for throwing ROCKS at vehicles...

When he got pegged by someone carrying a crossbow??? Who was the "victim"??? Or who was the "criminal"????

Nothing is ever black and white, is it???

Both of these people are criminals and both need to go to jail, and the idiot with the crossbow should go for attempted murder.

Did you read the part of the story where the kids threw rocks, left the area and got on a bus, and as the kids got off the bus, the black Rav4 pulled up and shot the kid.

 

[JuggsBunny]

Well... maybe the kids threw rocks - got on a bus (and thought they got away with it) and the bus was followed by someone who GOT ROCKS PITCHED AT HIS CAR - and decided to take care of the situation...

You know what it tells me ABOUT these juvenile delinquents??? They were OLD enough and SMART enough to take fucking PUBLIC TRANSPORT to get "away" from the situation.

So... they turn into "old enough" to "know better" and therefore... they got what they deserved. And YOU don't see this????

 

[CaptainTurtles]

First thing that came to mind when reading this was the drama about women 'asking' to be raped because of what they wear. Then I felt like I just had to share this picture...

 

[Dana]

Whoever thinks the victim is asking for has a fucked up sense of morality and reality.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

If someone commits a crime and someone acts revenge against them, they're probably not getting any sympathy out of me.

But that is not what I'm talking about here. What I am talking about is someone minding their own business, and suddenly one or more persons does something awful to them.

 

[Tim]

Well... maybe the kids threw rocks - got on a bus (and thought they got away with it) and the bus was followed by someone who GOT ROCKS PITCHED AT HIS CAR - and decided to take care of the situation...

You know what it tells me ABOUT these juvenile delinquents??? They were OLD enough and SMART enough to take fucking PUBLIC TRANSPORT to get "away" from the situation.

So... they turn into "old enough" to "know better" and therefore... they got what they deserved. And YOU don't see this????

So you want to live in a lawless society? Where anyone can be judge, jury and executioner?
Do you not see the errors of this type of society?

In a civilized society, which we live in, if you take the law into your own hands, you will be punished.

If this boy died, a probable outcome, these kids would have been charged with premeditated murder. Would that have been justice? Or is it only ok in your book because he didn't die?

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Although I'm not a proponent of people being allowed to take the law in their own hands, I don't think that a trauma victim who exacts revenge on someone who did something terrible to them on purpose is necessarily a bad person.

Some say that your just as bad if you take the law into your own hands after someone put you through horror.

My opinion is that if someone exacts revenge, their no saint. But there not as bad of a person as the perpetrator. If someone does something terrible to another for no good reason, they put themselves at risk for retaliation. And they won't get sympathy from me if and when it happens.

 

[All Else Failed]

People can have behaviors/engage in activities that make them more of a target than if they did not engage in them


People never want to admit this because our society is obsessed with feelings

 

[Tim]

People can have behaviors/engage in activities that make them more of a target than if they did not engage in them


People never want to admit this because our society is obsessed with feelings

So I guess owning a nice car is "asking" for it to be stolen, and if it is, you shouldn't complain... right?

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

It's especially frustrating to me when someone partially blames the victim of a terrible crime when that victim is rather young.

For example, a few years ago, a person I know believed it was, in part, a 17 year-old girl's fault that she was raped when she was walking by herself in a rural area.

Yeah, like he never made a mistake when he was 17?! This person who partially blamed this girl admitted to me that when he was 18 he took a sports car and drove well over 100 mph down a highway. He could've gotten someone or himself killed or seriously maimed. Yet he felt he had the right to place some blame on the 17 year old girl! At least she did nothing to put others at risk on purpose like he did.

 

[All Else Failed]

So I guess owning a nice car is "asking" for it to be stolen, and if it is, you shouldn't complain... right?

No, but parking it in a bad part of town is.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Many victims blame themselves because one of the worst feelings a person can have is too feel powerless. So they rationalize that it was their fault. That way they feel like they had at least some control over the situation.

The reality is that they were powerless at that time. And for them to blame themselves can certainly make coping with what happened much harder, because it's not your fault if your minding you own business and one or more persons decide to harm you.

 

[Codrus]

Many victims blame themselves because one of the worst feelings a person can have is too feel powerless. So they rationalize that it was their fault. That way they feel like they had at least some control over the situation.

The reality is that they were powerless at that time. And for them to blame themselves can certainly make coping with what happened much harder, because it's not your fault if your minding you own business and one or more persons decide to harm you.

i am of the opinion that no one is "powerless" in any situation unless they choose to be

 

[Tim]

i am of the opinion that no one is "powerless" in any situation unless they choose to be

A child being raped? :dunno

 

[Codrus]

A child being raped? :dunno

oh how i love your bright and cheery examples...

as dreadful a thought as it is.. i will use this, even though we could wind up getting into a whole different debate

if the child did not cry out, did not protest or fight back and merely submitted..then in my opinion they chose to be powerless...in this situation a "No!" or a "Stop!!" is an exercise in power by that child...not that it would work. hopefully you get my point

agree or not, to simply submit to something like that against your will is choosing to be powerless.

i keep having after thoughts about this and the different variables that would/might be included using this example.
does the child know that there is an option
have they been taught that what is being done to them is ok/acceptable
the fear involved
do they know the rapist....etc

i find myself with the same conclusion...if you dont want something to happen you at least make an effort to prevent it....if you dont make any effort then you are choosing to be powerless

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

The human mind spends a great deal of time trying to make sense of things. The reason for this is because if things don't make sense, our lives will feel out of our control, and we feel unsafe as a result. So when somebody becomes a victim of terrible trauma in which they had no control over what happened and was powerless while it happened, they can't accept that it was out of their control. As a result, many victims will rationalize that it was their fault so they feel like they had some control over what happened. To them, it feels better to believe this than to believe it was their fault than to realize that nobody, including them, always have control over what happens to them. Sometimes events occur that make no sense.

 

[hart]

oh how i love your bright and cheery examples...

as dreadful a thought as it is.. i will use this, even though we could wind up getting into a whole different debate

if the child did not cry out, did not protest or fight back and merely submitted..then in my opinion they chose to be powerless...in this situation a "No!" or a "Stop!!" is an exercise in power by that child...not that it would work. hopefully you get my point

agree or not, to simply submit to something like that against your will is choosing to be powerless.

i keep having after thoughts about this and the different variables that would/might be included using this example.
does the child know that there is an option
have they been taught that what is being done to them is ok/acceptable
the fear involved
do they know the rapist....etc

i find myself with the same conclusion...if you dont want something to happen you at least make an effort to prevent it....if you dont make any effort then you are choosing to be powerless

Codrus sometimes you sure make stupid comments. What about this woman's situation?
http://us.cnn.com/2011/12/14/world/asia/afghanistan-rape-victim/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
what did she do wrong?

 

[Codrus]

Codrus sometimes you sure make stupid comments. What about this woman's situation?
http://us.cnn.com/2011/12/14/world/asia/afghanistan-rape-victim/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
what did she do wrong?

for one,..my comment is not stupid. its my opinion and it makes sense, at least to me, but you are entitled to your opinion...at least in this country and here on this site...and i wont even call it stupid
as far as i see it, she did nothing wrong so i dont understand how this situation makes my comment/opinion stupid when she obviously reported it...and it is a different country with some pretty "strange(fucked up) laws" regarding women in my opinion.
I.E.:

Gulnaz's choices now are stark. Women in her situation are often killed for the shame their ordeal has brought the community.

and

One problem is that Afghan law fails to clearly distinguish between rape and adultery, which is a crime under Shariah, or Islamic law. The courts say Gulnaz was to blame for having sex with a married man.

im sure that there are several people out there that would love to head the "World Police Force" and bring/introduce what we here in the United States enjoy as freedoms and do away with what may be perceived as silly/stupid/fucked up foreign laws/ religious beliefs that have been around for hundreds if not thousands of years simply because its not the "American way"

so please tell me dear Hart...how is my comment/opinion stupid?