I guess im gonna be a daddy

[Peter Parka]

My parents were far from perfect but lets face it, who is a perfect parent? If you love your kid, you're 75% there!

 

[Maulds]

You'll be fine dude...deep breaths

 

[Breath]

Oh Rob...I could say that everything has been said already but it hasn't.
I know you must be freaked out. The last thing in the world you wanted to take on now is the responsibility for a child. Just the birth alone could cost thousands. But the financial considerations are moot because we are talking about a new person here.
I was an unwanted pregnancy. I should never have been born. My mother couldn't afford an abortion. My mother doesn't even know who my father is. I wasn't wanted, and the only reason I was kept is because my mother thought another man would stick by her and "be" my father. He couldn't handle it and he left my mother when I was an infant. I never knew what it was like to have a father.
My point is....you don't really want this baby. I highly commend you for taking the responsibility for it, but the bottom line is: you don't want it. The child was not conceived out of love. The child's mother isn't even a woman you are interested in. You aren't ready to take this on in your life now. Now that there is another life, you can kiss part of your social life good-bye. Your income will now partly belong to child support. That decrease will immediately reduce your standard of living. It doesn't sound like this woman is ready for a baby either. Does she have any kind of education that will allow her to help pay for it financially? Does she have any marketable skills? From your description of her job, she can't even afford herself.
I strongly suggest that you two sign off to have the baby adopted. It may break your and her hearts to think along those lines. But the best way you may be able to love this child is to let it go. Why should the child have to grow up knowing it wasn't wanted? And it will know. I knew. Adoption agencies generally handle the cost of the pregnancy. She can receive good prenatal care. The baby and the mother will remain healthy. That is the best thing you can do now. These choices have to be made very soon. You don't have a lot of time to think about this. Proscrastination won't make it go away.
I wish I had been adopted. You have no idea how strongly I feel about this. You can oftentimes pick the adoptive parents. Or you can let them choose and sign a document that your child can find you when it turns 18, if it wants to know you. Please consider this.
I do realize that I am not a parent. And I have heard those of you with children say that your child is the greatest blessing. I do not mean to sound harsh. I am thinking of the child. I remembering the child I was...and it hurts still.
Talk it over with her. It's hard enough to be ready when you are committed to someone. It's going to be brutal to handle this with a one-night stand.
Give the baby to a couple who wants a child. Let the child have the best chance.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

i think ive taken so much flak for being canadian here that its almost funny to just burn myself.
BTW, we dont live in igloos. and the ones that still might, are WAY north in canada. I on the other hand am only like 6 hour drive away from the US border.......

There's a guy on Hondaswap from Alaska, and somehow we got on a conversation about cell phones. Someone asked him if they really had cell phones up there and he says "no, we used trained ravens".

Nothing is funnier than when someone makes a joke on themselves like that.

I laughed hard at your retirement igloo comment... haha

 

[AUDRAA]

How do you know she doesnt want this child? how do you have any idea what her job is or what kind of financial support she can give it? Im sorry but money isnt everything, if she loves that child whether shes with its father or not that is the most important thing. Not all children born out of an unplanned pregnancy grow up unwanted or unloved, my son is living proof of that hes had more love than 3 children could have had so lets not generalize here. You know nothing about this mother if Rob can love this babyand the mother can too that is the best thing for it in the end.

 

[Peter Parka]

Give the baby to a couple who wants a child. Let the child have the best chance.

:eek Or actually be a man, take responsibility for your own actions and be the best damn father you can be to that kid. It was your fault he or she was conceived not its. Give it a loving home even if you're not going to be with the mother!

 

[Breath]

I know no more than any of you about the situation other than what Rob has said. My idea was something that wasn't brought up yet, and I felt it important enough to bring up. I've fucken lived the life as an unplanned pregnancy so I have an opinion from that side of the coin. Certainly my situation doesn't define everyone's circumstances, but your situations don't either. It's certainly worth thinking about.

 

[Peter Parka]

I know no more than any of you about the situation other than what Rob has said. My idea was something that wasn't brought up yet, and I felt it important enough to bring up. I've fucken lived the life as an unplanned pregnancy so I have an opinion from that side of the coin. Certainly my situation doesn't define everyone's circumstances, but your situations don't either. It's certainly worth thinking about.

Well I respect you have different cicumstances to me which influence your judgement. Personally I've been brought up with the thing that you take responsibility for your own actions. My parents were far from perfect but I love them more because they did their best in hard times and didnt give me away.

 

[Breath]

Peter, I also believe in taking responsibility. There are more ways to do that than trying to raise it yourself. Don't we ALL say sometimes, "That person shouldn't have been allowed to reproduce". You can have the best intentions in the world, that doesn't make you fit to be a parent. If you're not ready, there is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake. Adoption is also noble.

 

[AUDRAA]

and so is taking care of your own!!!

 

[Breath]

and so is taking care of your own!!!

I totally and completely agree. God, Audra, you have no idea how much I respect those who do take care of their own kids. I would have done anything to have had a mother like that. This upsets me so much. Please...have compassion here. My mother eventually couldn't handle the responsibility. Foster homes were all I knew. And now....she has written me out of her life. She doesn't want me showing up 'cause her new husband doesn't even know about me.
I am sensing from him that although he will take the responsibility, he doesn't want to. And that isn't a good basis to raise a child.

 

[HisHoliness]

Peter, what Breath is suggesting is taking responsibility, just in a different way. It's understanding that Rob or the mother may not be able to make this work. It would be very responsible of him to realize he is over his head and take actions necessary to give the child the best possible chance with a family that actually wants him.

I've watched how Breath has been vilified on the forums and I don't approve. Just because she says things that many of you disagree with, or might argue with, does not mean that her suggestions and comments should be disregarded and her character mocked. I would consider her to have a valid opinion, considering her own personal experiences with this same subject.

Rob, my advice to you is to leave as many of your options open for discussion as you can. You and the mother will have to remain in contact until you can work out an arrangement, whether it be abortion, adoption, or parenthood. But waiting around bracing yourself for the impact of a new child is hardly what I would consider to be the responsible thing to do.

 

[Peter Parka]

I dont vilify people, I just say it as I see it. Some people are blessed with being able to have kids, unfortunately I cant with my missus even though I'd love to. So sorry if I'm biased but as I've stated before, I went through tougth times with my parents, my dad is an alcoholic and my mums a religious nut. They were what I got, they did their best raising me and I love them to bits. I'm a screw up anyway but I'd rather be one with two real parents who love me! No ones perfect!

 

[GraceAbounds]

What Breath is suggesting is taking responsibility, just in a different way. It's understanding that Rob or the mother may not be able to make this work. It would be very responsible of him to realize he is over his head and take actions necessary to give the child the best possible chance with a family that actually wants him.

I've watched how Breath has been vilified on the forums and I don't approve. Just because she says things that many of you disagree with, or might argue with, does not mean that her suggestions and comments should be disregarded and her character mocked. I would consider her to have a valid opinion, considering her own personal experiences with this same subject.

Rob, my advice to you is to leave as many of your options open for discussion as you can. You and the mother will have to remain in contact until you can work out an arrangement, whether it be abortion, adoption, or parenthood. But waiting around bracing yourself for the impact of a new child is hardly what I would consider to be the responsible thing to do.

Great post. Rep'd.

 

[groundpounder]

Peter, what Breath is suggesting is taking responsibility, just in a different way. It's understanding that Rob or the mother may not be able to make this work. It would be very responsible of him to realize he is over his head and take actions necessary to give the child the best possible chance with a family that actually wants him.

I've watched how Breath has been vilified on the forums and I don't approve. Just because she says things that many of you disagree with, or might argue with, does not mean that her suggestions and comments should be disregarded and her character mocked. I would consider her to have a valid opinion, considering her own personal experiences with this same subject.

Rob, my advice to you is to leave as many of your options open for discussion as you can. You and the mother will have to remain in contact until you can work out an arrangement, whether it be abortion, adoption, or parenthood. But waiting around bracing yourself for the impact of a new child is hardly what I would consider to be the responsible thing to do.

wow. That's a great post.

Rob, anything new?

 

[sexy.time]

not really, im goin over to her house for supper tonight.

 

[Maritxu]

Oh God, I missed this I'm sorry to hear that. how are things going now?