Guys vs Girls, the insult thread...

[BadBoy]

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

 

[Niamh]

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

 

[BadBoy]

What does a woman and carpet have in common?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them later.

 

[Niamh]

Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

 

[BadBoy]

What do you do when the dish washer is broken?


Slap her on the ass and tell her to get to work.

 

[Niamh]

Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the shit out of you.

 

[BadBoy]

why cant women ski?

There’s no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen.

 

[Niamh]

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.

 

[BadBoy]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you done told her twice.

 

[Niamh]

Why did God create man?
Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

 

[BadBoy]

How many men does it take to open a beer?


None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

 

[Niamh]

Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"

 

[BadBoy]

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

 

[Niamh]

Husband: "I don't know why you wear a bra, you've go nothing to put in it."
Wife: "You wear briefs, don't you?"

 

[BadBoy]

What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A women who won’t do what she’s told.

 

[Niamh]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them. [/FONT]

 

[porterjack]

why wedding cake?

keep the flies off the bride

 

[Niamh]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. [/FONT]

 

[BadBoy]

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

 

[Niamh]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower. [/FONT]