Guys vs Girls, the insult thread...

[Tim]

Ok, here's how it works. A guy will post a joke about women and then the women post a joke about guys.
You need to wait until the opposite sex responds before you can continue, ie guy, girl, guy, girl
The last one who can come up with a good joke, wins. and no repeats...

Now before anyone gets all butt hurt, this is all in fun like everyone was having in the "What do you call.." thread.

Guys will start.

Q: How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?
A: When the old one expects you to "do your share"

 

[satinbutterfly]

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes. :cool

 

[Tim]

Why does a man like to see two women kiss each other?

Two less mouths that are bitching.

 

[satinbutterfly]

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. He just holds it up there and expects the world to revolve around him.

 

[itsmeJonB]

Why was helen keller such a terrible driver?





Because she was a woman

 

[satinbutterfly]

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Gifted.

 

[Darrell]

How do you blind a woman?

Put a windshield infront of her.

 

[satinbutterfly]

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip a finger in between his neck and the noose.

 

[Darrell]

What do the Easter Bunny, a Smart Woman, and Santa Clause have in common?

They don't exist.

 

[purpledove]

Q: How are men like lawn mowers?

A: They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work

 

[Springsteen]

I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way.

Through the driver's door.

 

[Abcinthia]

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

 

[NoDak]

Why are womens' feet smaller than mens'?


















So they can stand closer to the sink. :ninja

 

[Niamh]

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

 

[Zorak]

For me golf is a lot like women; if she isn't holding my wood, she should be holding an iron.

 

[Panacea]

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

 

[BadBoy]

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

 

[Panacea]

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them

 

[BadBoy]

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

 

[Niamh]

When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.