Grandparents Coping with Autism

[Veronica]

I had a problem arise today and im unsure how to handle it.

Most of you already know, my son, Austin has autism. He is now 12 years old (wow!).. My mother in-law has been living with us for the last 2 months helping with the kids, etc. We are finishing our basement for them to live in. Well today, Austin had a really bad day. Sharon has a really big sweet heart. She is the most loving person. (she really is.) she has a sweet heart and although she cant get past certain matters (that natasha knows about)- shes a good loving person. She cant take Austins meanness. He can be the sweetest kid, but then sometimes you think he really has the devil in him.. He can be so mean. he doesnt understand what meaning/feelings mean. So he has a hard time expressing himself. She is having a hard time with this. She doenst understand it and cant cope. She told me she wants to leave now because she feels that if she cant handle him then she shouldnt be the one caring for him. I dont know what to do. She is taking this so hard.


My dad couldnt handle it either- but its only because he cant stand being embarrassed so he just stopped coming around. So i didnt really have to 'deal' with him. But now, this is real and i have to do something. I dont want to loose her because of this. She helps me so much. Im already looking into some books. (i just bought 7 online! haha).. I just dont know whatelse to do.

any help?

 

[Natasha]

If she can't deal w/ Austin then she doesn't need to have interactions w/ any of your kids. You don't ditch a kid b/c you can't deal w/ them, sorry. And I know that sounds harsh...but SHE is the adult here.

When Austin is mean, does it register to him if someone shows emotion in return??? Like, if she broke down and cried (b/c you and I both know how she is) would he feel bad about it or would he not even take notice???

 

[robdawg1]

I truly think the more she knows, the better she will do. If she can be made to understand not to take it personally, and if she can be made aware of the disease and it's potential effects she would be more ready to handle someone with it.

 

[Veronica]

no. he would not care.


and I think your being slightly harsh on her.. shes not AS bad as liz and brandi makes her out to be.. everyone has their own opinions. She can handle the kids just fine.. I think she just feels emotional because she doesnt know WHAT to do with him. Ive been like that. Ive cried for hours.. YOU know that.. does that make me unfit to have my kids?

 

[Natasha]

You've cried, V...you haven't said you want to move out of the house. It sounds like she's willing to give up way too easily. If she's going to be a part of Austin's life, she's going to have to learn to cope w/ it. It might take some time...but if she puts in the effort instead of just giving up, it WILL get easier.

I'm not going to touch the Liz and Brandi thing b/c, honestly, you just upset me w/ that. You KNOW that I know there's 2 sides there.

 

[Veronica]

I know there is 2 sides. I just dont want you judging her by that one issue. You know that I dont agree with how she feels.. Its just something I cant change. But as far as how she is with me, shes great. She hasnt done me wrong.. yet. I guess i should of worded it differently. SHe didnt say she wanted to 'move out' Tech she wants to go back to NC until the basement is finished. THen she will come back. IDK. I think she is overwelmed. Im not sure what to tell her.

And i didnt mean to upset you. You upset me when you went all defcom 1 on her for a minute. LOL

 

[Veronica]

And i love you so stop and dont be mad!

 

[fuel1316]

sometimes you just have to let go. as mother of 2 kids with special needs.. you cant force others to understand. some people just cant wrap their heads around some things.

i have members of my family, no matter how much they love me and the girls, they still just will never get it.. they still tell me how gwen is just small and their kid was that small and offer up fatty foods i should try.. or 1 keeps pushing carbs on me "make her eat carbs they make me fat!"

you can only explain so many times before its just a done deal. they wont get it.

if youve tried and its just not going to happen you have to accept that and let it be.

i dont know a ton about autism but maybe if you can find something to compare it to that she understands? (again i have no clue here-) but the moodiness? maybe is it like PMS or something she can get (nothing will fully compare obviously) enough for her to try and grasp the idea of what hes going through?

 

[Veronica]

Do you know rainman the movie?

 

[fuel1316]

yes.. though ive only seen it once

 

[Veronica]

that man had autism. Thats the one thing I can refer autism to. However, autism is milder than his form of it on the movie.

 

[AUFred]

I do not know the whole situation but maybe she just needs a break. Education helps but sometimes re-gearing helps too.

 

[fuel1316]

do you have others that get together? like a group thing or something like that she can go to and see its not him singling her out to be mean? its just the nature of how autism works?

as much as i get what its like what youre going through.. for us ..CF is secluded.. no group things.. no play dates.. its dangerous just to take them out around other kids due to germs.. so im not really out in the world seeing and doing. sorry i cant be more help

 

[Veronica]

you are help, believe me. Just talking about it helps. You are a strong woman for dealing with what you are dealing with!


There isnt many groups around here.. However, I was thinking about taking her to the pyschologist the next time I went..

 

[robdawg1]

That would be helpful V, as education about the nature of Autism will help in her understanding of his outbursts. I just wonder if she is taking it personally?

 

[Veronica]

i think she is .. thats the problem.

 

[robdawg1]

Than those books may be just the ticket, as well as a conversation with a third party, a.k.a. psychologist. I hope it all works out, as I find it a bit silly to talk to you on OTZ when I am literally sitting right next to you. Bwahahaa

 

[Veronica]

hush robert

 

[fuel1316]

you are help, believe me. Just talking about it helps. You are a strong woman for dealing with what you are dealing with!


There isnt many groups around here.. However, I was thinking about taking her to the pyschologist the next time I went..

great idea! i bring my mom to a lot of the girls hospital/clinic apts and ofc all the hospital stays she has time with the doctors... its a big help for her. she can ask her own questions and feel involved and helpful as well

 

[Jackass master]

Education will certainly help her deal with her feelings toward his disease. Most adults are well formed in their emotional reactions to a situation long before they encounter them. Changing those reactions takes knowledge and time. The more she learns the less despair she will feel. Perhaps a temporary break will do her good and allow her to recharge. Dealing with handicapped children is one of life's toughest challenges. It is also one of the most rewarding experiences even though those rewards come in spurts and sometimes from the wildest situations. Good luck!