Gay Adoption

[andcuriouser]

Matt and I were talking today, and we were just talking about the future and what we want to happen. After we get married (that'll be a few years yet), we're thinking about adopting a child. Both of us want to be parents someday, so it seems logical for us to be parents together.

Here's my question: do you believe it is healthy for a child to grow up with two dads? Or two moms, for that matter. What are your thoughts on the needs of children, specifically those relating to the roles of both the father and mother? Can two fathers, or two mothers, meet those needs?

Let's hear your thoughts.

 

[Haus]

i think two men or two woman can do just as good as parents that are of different sex.

the bad part might be when they grow up, they may get made fun of by the kids at school or around them. its going to be difficult on them most likely.

 

[White2000GT]

I agree with Haus. Also, as long as the parents allow the child to choose their own path in life... in other words, the parents don't try to influence the childs choice of sexuality one way or the other.

 

[horseshoeing]

Some of these kids are so messed up it really don't matter, but over all I would say it would mess with the kids mind to much. If you are happy with matt, you don't need kids.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

I would rather 2 people of the same sex adopt a child then someone who is abusive. There is nothing wrong with 2 people of the same sex adopting a child so as long as this child is deeply loved and well taken care of

 

[hhayes]

actually i was just talking about this at work yesterday. i think it is okay as long as you don't push your sexuality on them. especially if it is a boy. so i wouldn't do anything unusual in front of him. but i think same sexes are often great parents. i wish you and matt the best of luck with that.

 

[Homer]

i guess it could be ok with screening before and after the adopiton ,

 

[lemon]

hmm...

its traditional to have a mother and a father growing up.

i dont know what to think - and that is a good thing.

 

[White2000GT]

True Lemon, that is the tradition. Or was at least. Not too many traditional things left in our world today. Still, like what was said above... as long as the child is loved and given the same opportunities to develop his/her own personality and lifestyle as if they were raised in a "traditional home", well then that is just fine as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Jersey]

i agree with most of the things that were said...
as long as you are adopting out of love and not to prove a point.. it seems ridiculous to say that, but i know a fair share of gay/lesbian couples who got married when it became legal- and they did so just to prove a point, and not because they were ready to actually marry...

...so seeing as how it seems you and matt are in love already, and would bring a child into your home and really want it... id say im all for it... i dont think it will "mess up" a child anymore than any other issues.. such as me- im a product of divorce and went through issues that my friends whose parents were still married..

.. i think eventually this "gay adoption debate" will not even exist... if you look back, we never thought blacks and white would co-exist.. and look at us all now

..so in conclusion, i have nothing against gay adoption

 

[andcuriouser]

In regards to "pushing sexuality"... don't straight couples do that too? I mean, you're never really given the option as a child. I certainly wasn't, and my mother did everything to keep me from living the (happy) life I'm living now. It's very important to me not to push that at all. I don't care if a child of mine were straight/gay/bi/trans/purple whatever. It's just important to me that they're nurtured and well-loved. And Matt and I aren't exactly unusual guys. We don't live the "typical" gay lifestyle or anything. No promiscuity, no bad drugs, nothing like that. We're planning on quitting smoking and getting a bigger house before we ever adopt, but that's pretty standard, I'd say.

Matt and I are still just talking about this. We're not married yet, because we want to wait until we're completely ready. It's been four years we've been together now, but we're still going to wait, and we won't be adopting (if we do) until after we're legally married.

I'm just so glad we can adopt together in Canada. Pretty much anywhere else (even Norway, where I want to move back to!) one of us would have to be a single applicant, and then the other could adopt after that whole thing was through. That's a hassle.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Dude Go for it... parental ability has nothing to do with your sexual preference.

IMO, all in all the kid will grow up learning about other ways of life, and will be more adept to deal and argue for it.

Don't tell my aunt you're gay. She's so anti gay it's stupid. I guess they're not humans anymore apparently. (Now you see part of the reason I hate religious zealots)

 

[andcuriouser]

Don't tell my aunt you're gay. She's so anti gay it's stupid. I guess they're not humans anymore apparently.

My mother is of the same opinion. My dad doesn't care, though, so it makes for an interesting power struggle. I have to visit him when my mom isn't around, otherwise she'll fly off into a rage or something. She's insane.

 

[White2000GT]

Leland, I wish I could speak for all straight parents, but I can't, so all I will do is tell you what my opinion is in regards to your statement about straight couples pushing our lifestyle onto our kids. If the couple is totally anti-gay then I would say chances are pretty good that they will do everything in their power to influence their children in their choice of sexuality. But, in this day and age homosexuality is slowly becoming more and more accepted. certainly moreso that it was when I was a child, especially in the area where I grew up. I mean, just look at some of the shows on TV today. Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Queer As Folk. Will And Grace. All of those shows are pretty popular. So I really do believe that it is safe for me to assume that Gays and Lesbians are more accepted these days. So I do believe that parents these days will be less likely to force a straight lifestyle on their kids.

 

[andcuriouser]

Yeah, you're right. I guess it's just hard for me to separate "average, typical parents" from my own, since it's all I know, and there was certainly problems there.

Thanks, though, guys.

 

[Hurt911gen]

There is no evidence that there is such thing as "traditional family" (2 parents, dick and pussy), so who gives. just don't raise them into "useless bags of fear"

 

[horseshoeing]

Wow........I am sorry if I am the only one that thinks there is something wrong with being gay and kids should not be told that being gay is ok. I am not saying that gays are not good people, but I am saying its not right. They are not born that way.

 

[SilentEyz]

Traditionally Speaking.. What is tradition anymore,

I don't believe being raised By Gay parents can be any more difficult for children then the situations many are raised in today.

Being a Single mother ( father was never in the pic ) I have learned, as I am sure many parents have, there can be no ideal situation for raising kids.

As gay parents, you would face a lot of diversity yourself, constant opinions of those around you, And sadly the fact that a large part of society would judge your child without ever giving that child a chance simply because of his family situation.

I think many children are raised quite stable by gay parents, There are always plenty of other family members to help balance out the confusion the child may feel, but as the parents you must also be prepared to deal with some of the emotional trauma that the child will go through at certain developmental ages, when he is harrassed at school or by adults with closed minds. Because all though the child can and probably will understand, He will also at times feel isolated confused, and angry, at the situation he was put into ( all this possibility's not facts ).

I don't think you should just look at it as gay parents, But just as parents, Be it being raised by a single parent, Gay Parents, or straight Parents, There is a lot a child deals with just to grow up, Anything outside of what society considers normal, can make it just that much more difficult, But it still can be done succesfully

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Wow........I am sorry if I am the only one that thinks there is something wrong with being gay and kids should not be told that being gay is ok. I am not saying that gays are not good people, but I am saying its not right. They are not born that way.

You don't have to necessarily say "being gay is ok!"

Kids should be presented with facts. There are gay people, there are straight people. There is religion, there is athiesm, there is etc etc.

LET the child decide what is RIGHT FOR HIM/HER. In their mind, they should be able to form their own opinions without being overly influenced by the opinions of their parents.

I absolutely hated being forced to go to church when I was younger, what do you think my anti-religiousness came from? Do not FORCE opinions on children, offer them the opinions when they're old enough to think for themselves and let them decide.

 

[White2000GT]

Wow........I am sorry if I am the only one that thinks there is something wrong with being gay and kids should not be told that being gay is ok. I am not saying that gays are not good people, but I am saying its not right. They are not born that way.

Seems a bit contridictory doesn't it? If you don't thing gays are not good people then why is it you think being gay is wrong?