Five Smart-Ass Winning Answers

[HomerclesX]

Hey thought I'd Share this one:

Cop pulls a guy over and says: "So you realize you were Speeding?".
Guy: "Do YOU realize you had to SPEED to catch me?!?.... I think it's only fair we split the ticket!"


lol... it aint an original, saw it on stand-up one time, but none the less funny!

 

[Veronica]

that was gonna be my out when I got pulled over next!! But I work with the law, so they would laugh at me..

 

[piyush1982]

This friend in our university halls was trying to make fun of another guy wearing a beanie hat.

He puts it on his head, and goes "I look like I'm wearing a condom."

This instantly came out from my side:

"So you admit you're a dick, then."

I don't remember him making any more smart ass comments that night.

 

[AmoRaL]

Re: RE: FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS

This friend in our university halls was trying to make fun of another guy wearing a beanie hat.

He puts it on his head, and goes "I look like I'm wearing a condom."

This instantly came out from my side:

"So you admit you're a dick, then."

I don't remember him making any more smart ass comments that night.

lmao good one wned

 

[Veronica]

:rofl wned

 

[Hurt911gen]

 

[Pheonix]

i got a semi-good smart arse answer that happened to myself.

i rang my girlfriend's work and the reception picked up the phone and i asked if my girlfriend was available (not that type of available...i know what some of u are thinking lol) and the receptionist replied "What's the nature of the call?" in a snooty tone... then i quicly replied "It's nice..." then she hanged up on me.

 

[AtlanticBlue99]

haha, i would get a few buddies and intimidate the dumbass receptionist. not really, though. but yea, that was kinda smartass.

ill try to pay attention to myself more because i am usually a very crafty smartass, ill think of something to say today

 

[elluko]

ha! good one!

 

[Cogniac7401]

I saw those a while ago there were a lot more of them when I heard it. I'll have to try and find them.

 

[MichaelE]

"Your proctologist called... they found your head."


From the movie Naked Gun:
'Like a blind man at an orgy, I was gonna have to feel my way through'
'Like a midget at a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes'

 

[elluko]

heheh... peeing midget.

 

[undertaker95]

I've got one
*A kid is riding his bike when a cop rides up to him on a horse
Copid Santa get you that for Christmas?
Kid:Yes
Cop:Tell him to put reflectors on it next time
*The cop hands him a ticket
Kidid Santa Claus get you that horse for Christmas?
Cop:Yes
Kid:Tell him to put the di** under it next time.

 

[Sam]

Veronica ...good stuffff

 

[elluko]

good one undertaker.

 

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Wtf has that got to do with the topic! Either you're completely thick or another one of those bloody spam bots!:mad

 

[NicAuf]

Some very funny stuff in this thread.

 

[ngdawg]

I work at Kohl's. We wear black lanyards with white KOHL'S all up and down them and our name badge on them.
About 4-5 times a shift I'll get some dumbass to ask (While I'm folding stock, etc), "Excuse me..do you work here?"
I have two standard smartass answers: #1, "no I just have an obssession with folding", or, #2, "No, I just REEEEEALLLY love their jewelry", with which I hold out the lanyard/name badge. I said that one to an elderly gentleman and he said, "oh, ok" and started to walk off!!!
Now, here's the weird thing: I received from the NJ Port Authority Police a bright blue lanyard with 'Port Authority Police' up and down it. As a little joke, I put the Kohl's name badge on it and worked-not ONE customer asked if I worked there, they went right to the 'Could you help me....' It's been 3 weeks, the managers know I wear it and I'm not going back to the store one, thus ending my smartass answers....for now

 

[Demonica69]

FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS
The 5 winning smart ass answers of all time:




* Smar t Ass Answer #3: *
* * The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. *
* The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could" *
* When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. *


* *

my aunt did the same exact thing...she still got the ticket though

 

[SouthOfHeaven]

not to bump an old thread but LMAO...