Disciplining children..

[HK]

Okay.... just to be clear, I can't speak for everyone but when I say 'smack' I mean a sharp tap on the bum of the child in question. I'm not talking about hauling off and slapping the kid round the face, or bending them over my knee and spanking them.


I understand that people feel strongly about this but please, let's not make out like everyone who is okay with the occasional smack is advocating whipping children with belts or something if the mood struck.

 

[Niamh]

Okay.... just to be clear, I can't speak for everyone but when I say 'smack' I mean a sharp tap on the bum of the child in question. I'm not talking about hauling off and slapping the kid round the face, or bending them over my knee and spanking them.


I understand that people feel strongly about this but please, let's not make out like everyone who is okay with the occasional smack is advocating whipping children with belts or something if the mood struck.

No that's just Dana it seems

 

[Peter Parka]

Giving your child a spanking is not abuse...

Wow, for once, Dana actually speaks the most sense in this thread!

Okay.... just to be clear, I can't speak for everyone but when I say 'smack' I mean a sharp tap on the bum of the child in question. I'm not talking about hauling off and slapping the kid round the face, or bending them over my knee and spanking them.


I understand that people feel strongly about this but please, let's not make out like everyone who is okay with the occasional smack is advocating whipping children with belts or something if the mood struck.

Thank god for someone who understands and isn't overreacting! If there's a more effective form of punishment, I'd rather see that used but sometimes a smack on the bum is the quickest, most effective way.

 

[Dana]

No that's just Dana it seems

I was citing an example. But it's expected for people to blow a statement out of proportion. I mean I wouldn't expect any different....

 

[Tim]

Thank god for someone who understands and isn't overreacting! If there's a more effective form of punishment, I'd rather see that used but sometimes a smack on the bum is the quickest, most effective way.

Smacking the butt is not the most effective way... How can you even say that?

I think it's complete bullshit when people that don't have children of their own, look at other peoples bad children and think they need a good smack on the ass. That's frustration talking, nothing more. And that's the number one reason people hit their kids, out of frustration. And if you are at that point, then they are the one that failed as a parents.

 

[Francis]

Smacking the butt is not the most effective way... How can you even say that?

I think it's complete bullshit when people that don't have children of their own, look at other peoples bad children and think they need a good smack on the ass. That's frustration talking, nothing more. And that's the number one reason people hit their kids, out of frustration. And if you are at that point, then they are the one that failed as a parents.

I totally agree and said this below.. But these guys don't believe shit..

Here is an interesting link to read on the topic..

http://www.parentingscience.com/spanking-children.html

 

[Dana]

Smacking the butt is not the most effective way... How can you even say that?

I think it's complete bullshit when people that don't have children of their own, look at other peoples bad children and think they need a good smack on the ass. That's frustration talking, nothing more. And that's the number one reason people hit their kids, out of frustration. And if you are at that point, then they are the one that failed as a parents.

When you see parents do nothing to control a childs actions wtf do you think needs to be done? If talking to them and telling them to stop doesn't work and they continue to act out then what? The parents just sit there. The waitress was even frustrated because she thought my cousins children would hurt themselves. That's a liability to the restaurant. Parents need to take control of the situation and if telling them to stop doesn't work they need to haul their little butts out of the restaurant or smack them on the but once or twice. We were in the back. It's not like it would have been a public spectacle if they would of tapped them on the butt but it was a public spectacle for the children to be running around a climbing on the fireplace.

 

[Aeval]

Out of personal experience...I remember the first and only time I was spanked. I can't remember what I did to piss off my father, but it was enough for him to spank me and it was just before he was leaving for work. It happened, my heart broke and shortly after my mom said it probably hurt him more than it hurt me.....I know that doesn't mean much, but the thought of hurting my dad is beyond any pain I could physically endure. I don't think it changed me, I KNOW it didn't stop me from being a rebellious teen....but to this day I remember it.

OK...carry on...that was my trip down memory lane.....

 

[NoDak]

Here's the way I see it. First off, consistency is the key. Draw a line and never let your kids cross it, no matter the age. Personalities come into play. Some kids see a stern look in the parents' eye and they're crushed, knowing that they've disappointed. The next kid is a hell-raiser and needs a good swat on the ass to get his attention. It's also how the swat comes. If the parent does it out of frustration, anger, whatever, it's useless. The kid knows he got mom or dad to blow up. If it comes in a calm manner, he knows mom or dad has perfect control of themselves and are doin' what needs doin'. Consistency also means that mom and dad are on the same page. If the kid wants to go over to to his friend's house and mom says "no", he'll go to dad and ask. Dad needs to know that mom has already refused and must do the same. "What did Mom say?" "She said 'No'." "Well then, it's 'No'." Once the kid knows he can play Mom and Dad against each other, he's won the war. In the process, he'll get his parents pissed at each other which will lead to other problems.

For myself? My dad wasn't afraid to use his belt. However, I got a warning. "You ain't gonna do that again." If I refrained from "Doing it again", I was fine. If I did it again, out came the belt, every time. I knew what was coming if I disregarded my dad's warnings. That said, I'm now 50 and Dad is 84. I look after him and Mom as much as I need to as they're pretty self sufficient yet. I care deeply about that man and appreciate his hard work over the years to put food on the table.

So, in my case, the belt wasn't a bad thing. I don't think anybody's completely right or wrong in their views on this topic.

 

[Dana]

Here's the way I see it. First off, consistency is the key. Draw a line and never let your kids cross it, no matter the age. Personalities come into play. Some kids see a stern look in the parents' eye and they're crushed, knowing that they've disappointed. The next kid is a hell-raiser and needs a good swat on the ass to get his attention. It's also how the swat comes. If the parent does it out of frustration, anger, whatever, it's useless. The kid knows he got mom or dad to blow up. If it comes in a calm manner, he knows mom or dad has perfect control of themselves and are doin' what needs doin'. Consistency also means that mom and dad are on the same page. If the kid wants to go over to to his friend's house and mom says "no", he'll go to dad and ask. Dad needs to know that mom has already refused and must do the same. "What did Mom say?" "She said 'No'." "Well then, it's 'No'." Once the kid knows he can play Mom and Dad against each other, he's won the war. In the process, he'll get his parents pissed at each other which will lead to other problems.

For myself? My dad wasn't afraid to use his belt. However, I got a warning. "You ain't gonna do that again." If I refrained from "Doing it again", I was fine. If I did it again, out came the belt, every time. I knew what was coming if I disregarded my dad's warnings. That said, I'm now 50 and Dad is 84. I look after him and Mom as much as I need to as they're pretty self sufficient yet. I care deeply about that man and appreciate his hard work over the years to put food on the table.

So, in my case, the belt wasn't a bad thing. I don't think anybody's completely right or wrong in their views on this topic.

I remember quite clearly my friend getting warnings before the belt came out.

 

[Peter Parka]

Smacking the butt is not the most effective way... How can you even say that?

Ok, take this scenario.... you're in a packed out supermarket. You're up to your eyeballs in shopping, you can't just leave as you require food, your kid is running around despite you telling them not to, knocking things over, getting in the way, picking up sweets and eating them (yes, I have seen this happen on several occasions) and not responding to you calmly and rationally telling that is wrong (you are superdad and can juggle this with the stressed out situation of shopping in a packed out supermarket, for your arguments sake) Please tell me a realistic, more effective way of controlling your child that a quick, sharp smack on the back side?

 

[Francis]

Ok, take this scenario.... you're in a packed out supermarket. You're up to your eyeballs in shopping, you can't just leave as you require food, your kid is running around despite you telling them not to, knocking things over, getting in the way, picking up sweets and eating them (yes, I have seen this happen on several occasions) and not responding to you calmly and rationally telling that is wrong (you are superdad and can juggle this with the stressed out situation of shopping in a packed out supermarket, for your arguments sake) Please tell me a realistic, more effective way of controlling your child that a quick, sharp smack on the back side?

What a quick, sharp smack on the back side going to do to stop it ?

I have seen children almost beaten until unconscious and they still run around like pinballs right after the smack..

Why is the smack going to stop them other than to tell them hitting others is OK ?

 

[Aeval]

Ok, take this scenario.... you're in a packed out supermarket. You're up to your eyeballs in shopping, you can't just leave as you require food, your kid is running around despite you telling them not to, knocking things over, getting in the way, picking up sweets and eating them (yes, I have seen this happen on several occasions) and not responding to you calmly and rationally telling that is wrong (you are superdad and can juggle this with the stressed out situation of shopping in a packed out supermarket, for your arguments sake) Please tell me a realistic, more effective way of controlling your child that a quick, sharp smack on the back side?

if the kid was raised right, it wouldn't happen.....

 

[Peter Parka]

What a quick, sharp smack on the back side going to do to stop it ?

I have seen children almost beaten until unconscious and they still run around like pinballs right after the smack..

Why is the smack going to stop them other than to tell them hitting others is OK ?

Stopped me effectively and has effectively stopped many children I've seen it happen to.

Different things work on different children, I'm not saying it's the only way to go and I'd prefer to see other methods used first.

It is ok to hit people if they are being uncontrollable arseholes. I'd like kids to know that rather than think you can get away with anything.

 

[Peter Parka]

if the kid was raised right, it wouldn't happen.....

You really belive that people only do evil if they are raised wrong??? No one is perfect and even the best of parents have at times raised kids who turn out to be dangerous arseholes.

 

[Francis]

Ok, take this scenario.... you're in a packed out supermarket. You're up to your eyeballs in shopping, you can't just leave as you require food, your kid is running around despite you telling them not to, knocking things over, getting in the way, picking up sweets and eating them (yes, I have seen this happen on several occasions) and not responding to you calmly and rationally telling that is wrong (you are superdad and can juggle this with the stressed out situation of shopping in a packed out supermarket, for your arguments sake) Please tell me a realistic, more effective way of controlling your child that a quick, sharp smack on the back side?

Our ADD / ODD daughter was exactly like this with her Mom.

The first time I went shopping alone with her she tried it on me once and I asked her to come over, looked her straight in the eyes, with a firm but steady voice I told her if she continued she would have consequences. She settled down and I had no more problems for the rest of that afternoon.

I don't think it was as bad as you say but she was running, touching everything, moving price labels and just being annoying and it stopped right away..

No hitting and no more problems.

Question answered from me in your example.

 

[Peter Parka]

Our ADD / ODD daughter was exactly like this with her Mom.

The first time I went shopping alone with her she tried it on me once and I asked her to come over, looked her straight in the eyes, with a firm but steady voice I told her if she continued she would have consequences. She settled down and I had no more problems for the rest of that afternoon.

I don't think it was as bad as you say but she was running, touching everything, moving price labels and just being annoying and it stopped right away..

No hitting and no more problems.

Question answered from me in your example.

Glad you could resolve it without spanking but different things work for different children. Like I've said, I'd prefer not to spank but if other methods dont work, there's no harm in that.

 

[Francis]

Stopped me effectively and has effectively stopped many children I've seen it happen to.

Different things work on different children, I'm not saying it's the only way to go and I'd prefer to see other methods used first.

It is ok to hit people if they are being uncontrollable arseholes. I'd like kids to know that rather than think you can get away with anything.

How many times in your life did you get spanked that you can remember ?

I got one good whopping from my Mom and almost got the strap at school for being in the hallway for something the teacher asked me to do..

 

[Peter Parka]

How many times in your life did you get spanked that you can remember ?

More than I can remember. No lasting damage and it tought me respect. I thank my parents for it now.

 

[Tim]

Ok, take this scenario.... you're in a packed out supermarket. You're up to your eyeballs in shopping, you can't just leave as you require food, your kid is running around despite you telling them not to, knocking things over, getting in the way, picking up sweets and eating them (yes, I have seen this happen on several occasions) and not responding to you calmly and rationally telling that is wrong (you are superdad and can juggle this with the stressed out situation of shopping in a packed out supermarket, for your arguments sake) Please tell me a realistic, more effective way of controlling your child that a quick, sharp smack on the back side?

First, I don't ever need to leave the supermarket or any other place unless we are talking about a toddler who hasn't had any sleep or is sick. But we'll leave this out of it because this has absolutely nothing to do with a well behaved child.

Your scenario would never apply to me. What don't you understand about raising them right to begin with?

Let me use an example you might understand...

You have a dog, right? Does it just run around in public jumping up on people and biting them? Does he run out into traffic causing accidents or does he listen to you because you trained him right?
What makes you think that someday he's just going to go off the reservation and act in a way that he never has before? So how would it make sense for someone who has never had a dog tell you that you need to kick him to make him listen? And then they come up with a scenario of him running around jumping on people and biting them. That you need to kick him at that point... I mean WTF, you know your dog and how he acts.