Here's a random post...
I just had to play counsellor for my mum and her partner.
I'm not even sure what the whole story is, but I did my best.
The situation I know of is that, well today I went outside and find her upset and crying. She told me he is leaving. Not just moving out, but leaving leaving, breaking up...We talked about it for an hour and a half. It's all about my mum's snoring, my brother who is a massive anti-social recluse and the sharing of our internet connection at home. Kinda ridiculous I think, but I told her my thoughts. I think that my brother should move out. He's 22, and mum's deadline for kicking children out of her house is 23. Only a year to go. My brother is not really independent, he couldn't go to the shops to buy Coke to save his life, he would rather walk in the rain than buy an umbrella. He practically stays in his room all day and night like a hermit. My mum's partner takes it personally. My brother isn't the type to talk. But my brother is like that to everyone. If he talks at all, it's only to his family, and not even that much.
So my brother currently pays for the internet, $90 per month for 200GB. When mum's boyfriend moved in, my brother offered to let him share the connection. So mum's boyfriend offered to pay for half of it, sounds fair. But now my brother is saying that he wants him to pay for his own connection, considering both of download a shitload.
What I told mum was is that this is HER house. And only SHE can welcome whoever she wants into it. And whoever does come into it, should abide by the rules that she sets. Therefore, she should have some say over this whole internet situation. If my brother cannot tolerate what she wants, then he has every right to just leave and go to his father's house (but I doubt he would go there because my dad's girlfriend's family lives there now). My brother has a decent job, enough to afford a cheap rental place in the same town we live in now, he's old enough, but he has it so easy here. He's a big baby, I think mum needs to take hold of the reigns a little more.
Mum told me that she knew my brother would make it hard for her. I asked her what is worse: the pain of seeing her son move out or the pain of having the one you love and care about most walk out the door because of him? And how many times could it possibly happen again in the future?
If my brother moved out, I said it would make the sleeping arrangements easier. My mum's partner is a light sleeper, so easily disturbed and woken up. So, because mum is a little overweight still, she has a snoring problem, so every night she will wake up in the middle of the night and sleep on the couch. She says she doesn't mind doing that for him, but I thought that having another room would probably be better. My brother whinges that he has too many things in his room (massive TV, computers galore, game console galore, some furniture and million of games). I think it's his own problem really, he buys too much and hoards everything. Instead of saving up for a deposit on a house or something he spends it on games and hardware. He complains he's running out of room. If you ask me, another reason he should go.
Another thing that bothers mum is the fact her boyfriend doesn't have a job, and has a hard time keeping them because he constantly wants to stay home. Again, I think my mum needs to give an ultimatum here and tell him to get a job or go. But I think that situation is a bit old.\
I know she called him an arsehole, and he called her a 'fucking mole'.
Disregarding that, mum told me that she really does love him and care about him, she doesn't know what she will do if he actually does go. She would like to fix her snoring problem, but he says it doesn't matter because he's leaving on Tuesday.
So not long ago, mum comes to my door and asks if I can go tell him the same things I told her today. I agreed so, but I was nervous because mum told me he had been ignoring any form of contact she was trying to make, so I was hoping he wouldn't do the same to me. This DVD he gave me to watch, I used it to pretend I was going in to return it, and as I gave it back, I just asked if I could talk to him for a few minutes. I said I knew about the situation with him and mum, and I basically reinforced this notion of understanding between all of us. That he shouldn't take my brother's behaviour personally, that me, my sister and mum really do appreciate him there. I told him that mum really DOES love and care about you. I said I knew about the whole snoring/internet situation and a little bit of the job situation. I sort of stumbled on my words a bit, but I just said to him to try and understand that mum let's my brother get away with things so easily, so she needs to be a bit more dominant.
I couldn't speak well being a little nervous, but he didn't act arrogant towards me so that's okay. He was watching TV so his attention was divided and a little ignorant maybe but I tried. I feel a little shit for stumbling on my words, I hope I got SOMETHING across.
So I came inside after explaining that for a few minutes and mum thanked me and hugged me, still so upset. And now she's off for a drive, like she does a lot of times when she is upset.
I'm really hoping things can work out, or if they end, I hope it doesn't end too ugly (I hope nothing like my parents' fights). Mum's guy is a decent bloke most of the time, disregarding the name he called her (but my mum's the same so what the hell?). I really think it's a little childish to be arguing over the internet. But, the sooner this awkwardness ends, the better. There's so much more I could've said to him but I was a bit shaky.
