Big ol' boobies...

[Chillaxicator]

I agree with you Tara, I need to be supportive, and I agree that it is her body SatinButterfly, therefore her choice. I am well aware she's not doing it for me. But to say that I have NO say whatsoever is to nullify our marriage, because it WILL affect me. Not physically like it does her obviously, but it will have some impact on me, whether it be from the reactions she gets from other dudes, whether she changes her entire outlook, in some way, I will be affected. SHould I be supportive? Absolutely, and I'm doing that as best I can, looking at the doctors she shows me, etc...

And yes Tara, I have voiced my insecurities, and had them thrown back in my face a half second later. She knows exactly how I feel about this issue, and it just doesn't matter. But the ultimate goal is her happiness, and hopefully her being more content with life in general.

Dana, see my first paragraph, I fully agree that once a couple is married, NO decision is a solitary decision (aside from stupid shit like what you want from jack in the box, or what to get the other for Christmas), and I guess I just want her to see my point as much as she wants me to see hers. Maybe that's my big hangup here, she's focusing so hard on what she wants, she's not stopping to even THINK about how it might hurt/affect other people. Now, don't misunderstand Satin, I'm not saying she should base her decision on these feelings I have, but she should definitely be more open to hearing them and understanding them. And if she could try and put my fears at ease, I wouldn't have so many issues right? Isn't that fair? We're married, and supposed to be there for the other right?

 

[KLD1019]

theres a BIG difference between a bra and plastic surgery

yes big difference, but the controlling aspect of it is still the same

DH has told me that i cant get boobs (despite him being a big boob lover) and he's right. i cant because i dont have the money. im a SAHM. yes the money he makes is OURS but HE doesnt want to pay for them. After DS starts school and i get a job and i can pay for them myself, you bet your ass im making an appointment to get them whether he likes it or not!

 

[Chillaxicator]

yes big difference, but the controlling aspect of it is still the same

DH has told me that i cant get boobs (despite him being a big boob lover) and he's right. i cant because i dont have the money. im a SAHM. yes the money he makes is OURS but HE doesnt want to pay for them. After DS starts school and i get a job and i can pay for them myself, you bet your ass im making an appointment to get them whether he likes it or not!

See, while I totally get the aspect of personal freedom, and not being controlled by another person, that's not my intent with her at all. I just want my feelings to be heard, and be put at ease. I don't consider them orders at all. And while I am on that side with you hun, it sounds like you're doing what my wife does and making sure your significant other knows he's not the boss, by simply crossing your arms over your chest and saying, "I DO WHAT I WANT"... from a man's perspective, that's hard to handle, and very frustrating. I'm not trying to offend you at all, but that's how he's receiving it, which makes him less likely to entertain your ideas, because he only sees you being bullheaded about it, and not CARING at all about what he thinks. You don't have to give in to his thoughts and "do what he says" but you should definitely listen to his thoughts openly if you want him to be on your side.

 

[Tim]

I love these conversations and the people that jump in with the "you should like who you are" comments. Yet none of us are happy with who we "are" we all live in a world of appearances and self improvement.

I mean come on, do you get your hair cut/styled? Do you shave? Buy new clothes or at least make sure you match when you get dressed? Do you have any jewelry at all? What about tattoo's or piercings? Do you wear deodorant?

Everyone is conscious on how they look and present themselves. It's just a matter of what you want and how far you are willing to go.

My wife would like to get implants at some point now that we are done with children. She isn't looking to do anything but replace what she lost do to breast feeding. How is that wrong?
She also talked about getting her asshole bleached... but I'm not sure if I would look good as a blond.

 

[Chillaxicator]

I love these conversations and the people that jump in with the "you should like who you are" comments. Yet none of us are happy with who we "are" we all live in a world of appearances and self improvement.

I mean come on, do you get your hair cut/styled? Do you shave? Buy new clothes or at least make sure you match when you get dressed? Do you have any jewelry at all? What about tattoo's or piercings? Do you wear deodorant?

Everyone is conscious on how they look and present themselves. It's just a matter of what you want and how far you are willing to go.

My wife would like to get implants at some point now that we are done with children. She isn't looking to do anything but replace what she lost do to breast feeding. How is that wrong?
She also talked about getting her asshole bleached... but I'm not sure if I would look good as a blond.

Yeah, and I totally see that appearances have a definite hold on people, and that can't be helped. Wearing deodorant, cuttin' your hair, dyeing your hair, that's all temporary aesthetic stuff. A boob job is way bigger of a step, and a little bit more dangerous of a step, and the reactions of a dude to a woman with bigger boobs is a little different than a reaction to a new pair of jeans, or a new brand of deodorant. And I just really want her to take my feelings in, and listen to them and respect them, not just say "I DO WHAT I WANT", cuz that's not fair at all.

 

[KLD1019]

See, while I totally get the aspect of personal freedom, and not being controlled by another person, that's not my intent with her at all. I just want my feelings to be heard, and be put at ease. I don't consider them orders at all. And while I am on that side with you hun, it sounds like you're doing what my wife does and making sure your significant other knows he's not the boss, by simply crossing your arms over your chest and saying, "I DO WHAT I WANT"... from a man's perspective, that's hard to handle, and very frustrating. I'm not trying to offend you at all, but that's how he's receiving it, which makes him less likely to entertain your ideas, because he only sees you being bullheaded about it, and not CARING at all about what he thinks. You don't have to give in to his thoughts and "do what he says" but you should definitely listen to his thoughts openly if you want him to be on your side.

oh no, i get his side. his mom had an affair on his dad and ended with a horrible divorce. he thinks its gonna happen to him. by me making myself feel better with a bra that enhances me, he thinks its me looking to catch attention of guys so i can cheat on him. its something we've been dealing with for the 6 years we've been together. me constantly remiding him that im not his mom! his insecurities, im dealing.

 

[Thornless]

I think that's the crux of your problem with it. If she does leave you she wasn't worth having a relationship with anyway.

Now, I'm going to come from her truly loving you and the thought of leaving you for someone 'better' doesn't even play into it.

If having bigger breasts helps her to feel better about herself, your relationship will be better. Because she feels better about herself. It's that simple.:nod:

:homo: Find a size of comfort... Since she's already a B, I'd try and talk her into not going bigger than a C or D.

I plan on getting a mini-tummy tuck when I can afford it... feeling good about yourself is important... be it getting a hair cut and color, getting pedicures, new outfit, bigger/smaller boobs/ass/etc. trick is not going overboard.

I can't stand the feeling of that extra skin from weight loss and pregnancy moving around during the day or during bedroom activities.

 

[Chillaxicator]

oh no, i get his side. his mom had an affair on his dad and ended with a horrible divorce. he thinks its gonna happen to him. by me making myself feel better with a bra that enhances me, he thinks its me looking to catch attention of guys so i can cheat on him. its something we've been dealing with for the 6 years we've been together. me constantly remiding him that im not his mom! his insecurities, im dealing.

And I can see how he would be a little scared of that. That's a shitty thing to happen. But humans sometimes get insecure about their significant others, and that just translates to being scared of losing them, isn't that something everyone wants? To be so important to another person that that person is scared to lose them?

 

[Codrus]

She also talked about getting her asshole bleached... but I'm not sure if I would look good as a blond.

:24::24::thumbup..repped

 

[Tim]

From all of your posts, it sounds like her getting a boob job or not is just a symptom to deeper problems you guys are having.

 

[Chillaxicator]

:homo: Find a size of comfort... Since she's already a B, I'd try and talk her into not going bigger than a C or D.

I plan on getting a mini-tummy tuck when I can afford it... feeling good about yourself is important... be it getting a hair cut and color, getting pedicures, new outfit, bigger/smaller boobs/ass/etc. trick is not going overboard.

I can't stand the feeling of that extra skin from weight loss and pregnancy moving around during the day or during bedroom activities.

Oh totally, she doesn't want anything hideously oversized, she just wants a C or something I think, I can't remember exactly it's been a bit since we had the size discussion. I just want her to TRY to put my fears to rest, and she just looks at them as so insignificant, simply because it's HER body and HER money (when it's actually both our money going into the savings account). She's more concerned that I might be bossing her around than that I'm actually concerned about something... just don't wanna be complete irrelevant if I'm going to be looking at them for the remainder of our time together.

 

[Chillaxicator]

From all of your posts, it sounds like her getting a boob job or not is just a symptom to deeper problems you guys are having.

Yeah, there are definite issues in our marriage that have improved since some of my posts a few months ago. Things have gotten better, but we have "flare ups" now and then.

 

[Thornless]

Oh totally, she doesn't want anything hideously oversized, she just wants a C or something I think, I can't remember exactly it's been a bit since we had the size discussion. I just want her to TRY to put my fears to rest, and she just looks at them as so insignificant, simply because it's HER body and HER money (when it's actually both our money going into the savings account). She's more concerned that I might be bossing her around than that I'm actually concerned about something... just don't wanna be complete irrelevant if I'm going to be looking at them for the remainder of our time together.

You either trust her or you don't... bigger boobs isn't going to make her suddenly get the gall to cheat on or leave you. She can do that with the ones she has now.

 

[Chillaxicator]

You either trust her or you don't... bigger boobs isn't going to make her suddenly get the gall to cheat on or leave you. She can do that with the ones she has now.

Yeah... i know... it's just a stupid insecurity that I just want acknowledgment of from her, and I don't want my feelings to be an inconvenience to her, I want them to be a concern for her, like I concern myself with her stuff.

 

[KLD1019]

You either trust her or you don't... bigger boobs isn't going to make her suddenly get the gall to cheat on or leave you. She can do that with the ones she has now.

thats what i was getting at with what i said earlier. whether or not she gets them, guys WILL look and WILL find her attractive!!

same thing i told DH about me and that bra....whether or not i have it on or the other one, guys will look and find me attractive no matter what!!

 

[Codrus]

I almost didn't see this post man, haha.

And I see all these points, they're all things I've had nightmares about for the past 3 months... it kills me sometimes to think of them changing her like that... and I fear that most of all... but on the other token, if I say no, or fight it, it's worse for me than just letting things transpire themselves... and in the end, if she pulls a bitch move and ditches out to go relive her youth, fuck her... I get my daughter.

true

Her body = her choice. Has nothing to do with you nor should it. Give your opinion if asked, but don't assume you have the right to tell her what to do.

true

I love these conversations and the people that jump in with the "you should like who you are" comments. Yet none of us are happy with who we "are" we all live in a world of appearances and self improvement.

I mean come on, do you get your hair cut/styled? Do you shave? Buy new clothes or at least make sure you match when you get dressed? Do you have any jewelry at all? What about tattoo's or piercings? Do you wear deodorant?

Everyone is conscious on how they look and present themselves. It's just a matter of what you want and how far you are willing to go.

My wife would like to get implants at some point now that we are done with children. She isn't looking to do anything but replace what she lost do to breast feeding. How is that wrong?
She also talked about getting her asshole bleached... but I'm not sure if I would look good as a blond.

yes, unfortunately the world is seemingly more open to "the beautiful people",..but i think society has taken it too far in the quest for perfection.
i can understand if somone is disfigured etc..but maybe society should emphasis the inner person or trying other avenues before jumping to the quick fix of plastic surgery to make it all better.

if you cover a hole instead of filling it...the hole is still there

 

[GoldDust Woman]

It sounds to me like you need validation from your wife. It also sounds to me like she has a mind of her own and isn't going to validate your concerns/feelings, or, she would have already done so.

I think you're spinning your wheels. Let go of it...

 

[KLD1019]

Yeah... i know... it's just a stupid insecurity that I just want acknowledgment of from her, and I don't want my feelings to be an inconvenience to her, I want them to be a concern for her, like I concern myself with her stuff.

have you asked her? i mean, about your concerns? she might already understand. But like i said earlier, if there is something about herself that she is set to change and she CAN change to make herself feel better, she'll still do it even with understanding your concerns

 

[Chillaxicator]

yeah, I get what you guys are saying, but I'm sure those balloons would instill just a TAD more courage, and maybe a bit of feeling like a different person, and that you could do things you couldn't do before.

 

[Chillaxicator]

have you asked her? i mean, about your concerns? she might already understand. But like i said earlier, if there is something about herself that she is set to change and she CAN change to make herself feel better, she'll still do it even with understanding your concerns

Oh yeah, totally, cuz she ASKED me what I thought about it, and I explained my theories on plastic surgery, and about how I was worried she MIGHT leave me for somebody better because she would get so much extra attention, and I was shot back down with the words: "It's not about you, it's about ME feeling better about MYSELF"... which begs to wonder, why she asked in the first place. Maybe it was just that time...