My son Daniel has ADHD, is developmentally around 5 years old and has Autism all before he was officially diagnosed with Autism at 12 years old. Our city schools are so backward, they kept arguing with the specialist Neuro-psychologist that because he could talk, he couldn't be Autistic. SIGH.
I fought to place him in a school (public) for Autistic students. The school was designed to pay special mind to teaching the students one-on-one, a concept in US public schools, even in Special Ed classes lost because of the sheer numbers of students attending school. Budget cuts and overcrowding has made one-on-one something of a rarity rather than the rule.
My son thrived at that school but politics being what it is, he was moved to a Special Ed class too soon and acted out to the point he had to be detained in a mental health hospital for a few days to calm down. I advocated for him until I grew hoarse and it went unheeded.
In his final days of school, namely high school, as he rounded toward adulthood, the public schools here in the US turned him into a monster with platitudes thrown his way for the stupidest reasons. If he threw his cup in the trash, they threw a party. OK maybe not that but he was praised on every little thing even if he failed it. This meant son expected mommy (me) to do the same. Well, I live in the real world where people aren't nice and won't praise your every move.
If he did good in school he was rewarded right then and there, another concept mommy didn't do because the real world doesn't operate like that. It took 5 years to undo what the public school Special Ed did in 12.
Finally I had him on the right path, medications were working pretty good, he was attending his day program and doing well in it (without all the rewards for breathing) and then, out of nowhere his medications stopped working, his behavior became weird. I suspected a stroke, he'd been on medication since 18 mos old for seizures. This weird behavior hit at 21 years old and all of a sudden his behavior became violent. He became difficult to manage, he began to have severe mood swings and would talk to himself even in public.
He had to be re-assessed but because of his young developmental age (5 years old) and his Autism, the doctors weren't sure if he had schizophrenia or bipolar or both. His behavior got so bad, the cops were called out about a day after he came back from the last psychiatric hold for his violence and not just toward me, toward anyone within ear shot of him.
Finally at 25 (last year) he was on a continual diet of sedatives thanks to the ER staff at our hospital. They'd dope him up upon admittance, he'd sit in a locked room with others like him, waiting for a bed at the psychiatric hospitals. Sometimes he spent 2 weeks in and out of consciousness in this room at the ER until a bed opened. He'd spend up to 30 days being probed, poked and medicated until he didn't know his own name and turned out to withdraw off their cocktail (no script for what they medicated him with). The withdraws would be so bad it'd throw him into a fit of violence and it started all over again.
I had had enough of this. I realized he needed to be in a facility where there was 1 doctor overseeing his treatment, not 5 or 6 different ones. I realized as long as he had mental illness, autism and functions like a young child, he must be watched 24/7 with staff far more qualified than I am and that change so that those dealing with him are rested and well and can handle him. I couldn't deal after 2-4 days without sleep (psychosis in them means they can go without sleep up to a week) and having just myself deal with his man slaps and punches as abuse. He punched me in the face blackening both eyes, tore my hair, my earrings out of my ears and tackled me like a linebacker.
He's safe in a locked high security facility now. He's not even close to the son I used to know because of all the drug changes made or the amount of sedatives they gave him over a 5 year period. He looks the same as my son but doesn't act like him.
Do I miss him? Yes. Greatly. I think though he will calm down enough for my visits and hopefully they'll get him stable enough for a short visit with me. I pray every day for this.
