Ana's Place..
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I say one thing.
You hear it 50 different ways.
Not one of them is right.
And I’m the one to blame.
They say no one knows you better than yourself.
And maybe that’s true.
But I don’t know a hell of a lot.
So I can’t expect much from you.
I spend most mornings looking in the mirror
Not knowing my reflection
Wondering what the real me is like
Does she see every imperfection?
Standing at the precipice,
The point of no return
The line dividing me and me
The bridges to be burned.
The “me” that everyone thinks they know
Isn’t really me at all.
And so it’s time to remove the mask
And let the chips lay where they fall.
I laugh too much, I don’t cry enough
I feel lonely in a crowded room.
I don’t quite know my fit in life.
I’m lost like Cinderella’s shoe.
Sometimes I’m a little geeky,
But I have a girly side, too.
I have a hidden artistic side
I desperately want to be “cool”.
Many facets make up me.
Most of them I don’t yet know.
I’m learning a little every day..
And then I’ll have something to show.
You hear it 50 different ways.
Not one of them is right.
And I’m the one to blame.
They say no one knows you better than yourself.
And maybe that’s true.
But I don’t know a hell of a lot.
So I can’t expect much from you.
I spend most mornings looking in the mirror
Not knowing my reflection
Wondering what the real me is like
Does she see every imperfection?
Standing at the precipice,
The point of no return
The line dividing me and me
The bridges to be burned.
The “me” that everyone thinks they know
Isn’t really me at all.
And so it’s time to remove the mask
And let the chips lay where they fall.
I laugh too much, I don’t cry enough
I feel lonely in a crowded room.
I don’t quite know my fit in life.
I’m lost like Cinderella’s shoe.
Sometimes I’m a little geeky,
But I have a girly side, too.
I have a hidden artistic side
I desperately want to be “cool”.
Many facets make up me.
Most of them I don’t yet know.
I’m learning a little every day..
And then I’ll have something to show.
We're one week into the new year. So far, I feel like things are going okay.
My dad and his fiancee are getting married on Tuesday. I'm really excited about that. My dad's best friend is driving into town from Carlsbad, CA to be here. My dad and Megan don't know about it, so I'm really excited to see their reaction when he shows up. I know my brother wanted to stand up for my dad, but I was kind of afraid that with his difficulties writing, they might not count his signature as legal anyways. It's just a small thing being done by the Justice of the Peace. But, I can't wait to be there.
My dad's finally telling my mom about it tonight. Hopefully, she'll take it okay. I worry about her with all her mental instabilities, but I think with everything kind of finally going right for her, she'll be okay. I know she'll be sad. She and my dad were married for ~20 years when they finally separated. The last five years or so were a joke, but you know. It's a little hard for me, too. I always thought my parents would be together. But, I guess, you gotta take everything in stride. And as long as they're happy in their new lives, that's all that matters.
I've made a conscious effort for the last (almost) two years to be everything my mom couldn't, but if I really look deep down inside, she wasn't all bad. She made some bad choices, she did some things I wish she hadn't. But, ultimately, she has loved me no matter what decisions I've made, no matter how much it's seemed like I screwed up. And that's all I ever really wanted. It just felt, for a long time, that I wasn't quite good enough. No matter how hard I tried. But, now I know better.
I'm just kind of rambling at this point. I'm really hoping that 2011 turns out to be as good as I'm expecting it to. I can't wait to see what happens.
Next stop: working on the diet thing. I think I've already lost ~2 lbs. Which isn't too bad. Considering I weighed myself near the end of the day, and I was completely dressed. So, hopefully I can get into using the Kinect and doing Zumba and really getting into it. I really want to be happier with my appearance.
My dad and his fiancee are getting married on Tuesday. I'm really excited about that. My dad's best friend is driving into town from Carlsbad, CA to be here. My dad and Megan don't know about it, so I'm really excited to see their reaction when he shows up. I know my brother wanted to stand up for my dad, but I was kind of afraid that with his difficulties writing, they might not count his signature as legal anyways. It's just a small thing being done by the Justice of the Peace. But, I can't wait to be there.
My dad's finally telling my mom about it tonight. Hopefully, she'll take it okay. I worry about her with all her mental instabilities, but I think with everything kind of finally going right for her, she'll be okay. I know she'll be sad. She and my dad were married for ~20 years when they finally separated. The last five years or so were a joke, but you know. It's a little hard for me, too. I always thought my parents would be together. But, I guess, you gotta take everything in stride. And as long as they're happy in their new lives, that's all that matters.
I've made a conscious effort for the last (almost) two years to be everything my mom couldn't, but if I really look deep down inside, she wasn't all bad. She made some bad choices, she did some things I wish she hadn't. But, ultimately, she has loved me no matter what decisions I've made, no matter how much it's seemed like I screwed up. And that's all I ever really wanted. It just felt, for a long time, that I wasn't quite good enough. No matter how hard I tried. But, now I know better.
I'm just kind of rambling at this point. I'm really hoping that 2011 turns out to be as good as I'm expecting it to. I can't wait to see what happens.
Next stop: working on the diet thing. I think I've already lost ~2 lbs. Which isn't too bad. Considering I weighed myself near the end of the day, and I was completely dressed. So, hopefully I can get into using the Kinect and doing Zumba and really getting into it. I really want to be happier with my appearance.
March 27, 2011
197.
Ouch.
Oh well. Put pics on the mirror. Remind me what I want. Time to get this shit under control.
Also, my grandfather may be reaching the end of his rope. Not sure how I'm handling it at this point...
197.
Ouch.
Oh well. Put pics on the mirror. Remind me what I want. Time to get this shit under control.
Also, my grandfather may be reaching the end of his rope. Not sure how I'm handling it at this point...
Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late
Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness I guess I just forget
To do all the things I said
Time passes by
Never thought I'd wind up
One step behind
Now I've made my mind up
Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late
Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do...
Wish I'd spent more time with you
Here's my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
And in the end I'll make it up to you, you'll see
You'll get the very best of me
Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
Make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late
Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness I guess I just forget
To do all the things I said
Time passes by
Never thought I'd wind up
One step behind
Now I've made my mind up
Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it
Today I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late
Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can't erase and I can't rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do...
Wish I'd spent more time with you
Here's my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
And in the end I'll make it up to you, you'll see
You'll get the very best of me
Your time is running out
You're never gonna get it back
Make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last
I'll be your friend :nod: I warn you though, I'm pretty anti-social.
freakofnature
Vampire
:homo: All my friends are either online or in a different city. :unsure:
freakofnature
Vampire
LOL oh yeah! :24:
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