Dear Anie,
I ain't feeling any better, the past 24 hours were hell. Please try to be better since you haven't got much left. I know your sad, I know that pain is unbearable, I know you push and push to the limit... but you know what I care about how you feel deep down, especially when you think you're the most useless piece of scum, you're not worth having happiness, you don't deserve anything good, you should just crawl under a rock and stay there. I know you lost your happiness, I know you lost dreams, I know you lost faith, I know you lost trust, I know you lost something that was so special to you, that'd you'd give anything for it. But it's time that you focus on yourself, cause let's face facts, people come and leave your life and in the end there is always going to be yourself there, why are you scared of being with yourself? I already know the emptiness you feel, I also know the hurt and discomfort... I already know your thoughts of abandonment, I know your thoughts of attacking yourself and bringing others down with you, I know you drink, I know you cry until every tear is shed... yet when you cry and let out all the pain you have left, you have a moment where your heart is telling you that you will be okay, everything you're going through has to happen to heal the hardest thing you're going through your life, this pain didn't start a few years ago, no, this pain you allowed to carry in your life and for the first time you're in a place where you can't bottle it, you can't hide it, you're in the lowest point of your life, where you have to face your worst fears, where you have to look at that pain, what it has costed you. You created a ton of damage to yourself and those who care, you are your own worst enemy and you knew that years ago and used it to hurt yourself, I don't know which area got hit worst. I know every game you go through, I know everything there is about you and yet you can't stand being alone with me, which is yourself, I know you leave and cause more hurt since you can't stand being alone with me. Yet in the weakest of moments I give you a moment where your heart feels warmth, love and peace. Where you have hope which I know you need or else you'd be dead at 16, this is what makes you go on each day because damn it I know your worth it and I love you. You know you love yourself deep down, I know that moment of hope makes you wake up each day, yet all I get is pain back for those moments where I give you comfort. I'm letting know now... I love you. One more thing, everytime you open up those wounds I know how you have an anxiety attack and hyperventaliate, I know how scared you are of that happening since it took you hours to calm down, also for two weeks you had the sharpest pain in your heart. That was the first time the years of suffering wanted to come out, that was the first time that you discovered the pain and that is going to take time to heal since time caused it to be that intense. I promise one thing, your healing won't take as much time as the years you bottled it up and hided, suffering.
