Married Men

[Veronica]

I did tell them that... But they only have their penis's in mind.

 

[ouachiski]

its not just men who do that. I was at a concert once and I hooked up with a girl. At the end of the night she found out we lived in the same town so she had to tell me she was married so I wouldn't come up to her in public. I know it wasnt my fault cause I had no idea but it still made me feel like crap for a long time afterwards.

 

[ngdawg]

Been on both sides. My guy friends, just about all of them say (lament) the same thing- not getting any attention at home or wife cut them off or complains about what little sex they do have, putting it all on his head that it should be great.
Of course, there are men who just want to hunt and bag. But I would seriously say to those whose SO cheated-find out why.
Some single women prefer married men because they can't make demands, ask for a commitment, etc. But any time anyone gets into that kind of scenario, they better do it knowing they have everything to lose and that holds true for the cheater and the one they're cheating with.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

I do believe a lot of married men cheat, and i think it is because it's the easiest thing to do to help their situation. Most men who cheat aren't happy at home, but are putting up with it because change is difficult, and cheating is the easy way out. Then again, a lot of men who you might think would cheat, might just be flirting. a LOT of married men flirt..I get hit on by them a lot...try straight up questioning their intentions...some of them are JUST flirting, which might hurt their wives' feelings, but it essentially harmless.

 

[ngdawg]

I do believe a lot of married men cheat, and i think it is because it's the easiest thing to do to help their situation. Most men who cheat aren't happy at home, but are putting up with it because change is difficult, and cheating is the easy way out. Then again, a lot of men who you might think would cheat, might just be flirting. a LOT of married men flirt..I get hit on by them a lot...try straight up questioning their intentions...some of them are JUST flirting, which might hurt their wives' feelings, but it essentially harmless.

Well, nothing is 'harmless' if it's hurting another....
Most of my guy friends feel 'stuck'; although we'd like to think otherwise, the truth is, many wives are dependent upon the income, lifestyle, etc., and men don't want to part with all they've acquired during the course of a marriage. Splitting is not always an option-there's the financial aspect of course, but there's usually also kids (child support), a house (where will he go), family(in-laws, etc.,that lives are shared with) and a myriad of factors that make it just seem easier to cheat, to take on a seperate life and keep most of the life already established.
Does this 'forgive' the cheater? nope.
Flirting is a thrill, makes them feel like they're 'special' and still 'got it'. Most times, it's kinda pathetic though.

 

[RamrodJoker]

I would never cheat in any situation. Nothing warrents that type of hurt to another person. I "think" I was cheated on but I will never know. It hurts to even think someone could do that to you. I dont understand why someone would cheat. If your not satisified leave. It saves someone a lot of hurt.

 

[Veronica]

if you are gonna cheat, just go ahead and leave the person you are with.. Whats the point of dragging them through what you are going through.. Thats my thoughts on it.

 

[jbarroqueiro]

if you are gonna cheat, just go ahead and leave the person you are with.. Whats the point of dragging them through what you are going through.. Thats my thoughts on it.

Well put V... Enough said.

 

[GraceAbounds]

Poor morals, anger, revenge, selfish desires, sexual addictions, and/or mental issues lead people to have sexual affairs that are injurious to their selves and to others. It is one of the most selfish types of behavior that one can engage in, especially when they have proclaimed their fidelity to another. In a sexual affair the cheating man or woman is receiving a brief feeling of false completeness or a sense of false love. In reality, the sexually deviant behavior is doing nothing more than serving as an escape from the a real problem or an emptiness that the cheater feels inside. This type of sexual behavior is one of fantasy that always ends in pain. It is really sad that the real issue is not being addressed. Instead another problem is being created and the pain is being spread to others. There is no end to our inhumanity to ourselves and to one another. Furthermore, it is utterly disturbing that so many do not even recognize the totality of the inhumanity that this issue fully entails.

 

[ngdawg]

Huh? Does that even make any sense? Or are you just into 'deep' sounding phrasing?
While I am not condoning all cheating and in fact, think most of it is empty fooling around,
the reasons are varied and not blackandwhite issues.
If a spouse ends all affection yet refuses to end the marriage, is the other cheating by going elsewhere? Technically, yes. Emotionally, probably no. The hurt's been done by the one now being cheated on.
If a 'cheater's' spouse is aware of the extramarital flings, is it still cheating if it's accepted or tolerated? Yes, but on a different level than if the cheating is clandestine.
While I would agree generally that if either spouse wants to go elsewhere for a relationship, they should just 'come clean' and end the one they're in, that's not always a ready and easy solution and I've said why previously. Not the least of the issues is the soulsearching, the self-analyzing, the guilt and the feeble attempts at justification.
I don't belittle or minimize the hurt of the one who was wronged, but sometimes, the wronged is not the one who isn't cheating.

 

[GraceAbounds]

Are you responding to my post ngdawg?

 

[ngdawg]

Uh, yea....
"totality of inhumanity"??? So, cheating is akin to the Holocaust?
Your other comments were just offbase and pure conjecture and opinion.

 

[UncleBacon]

I understood with no problem what she was saying

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

I understood with no problem what she was saying

ditto. Just because she types like she has a college education doesn't mean all of her conjectures are based on opinion...made total sense to me.

 

[Tegan]

Well, my take on it is this. I for one have never cheated and never will, but probably not for the reasons most people think (which I will keep to myself).

That said, have you ever stopped to question how desperate a situation some men (and women) find themselves in? We live in a justice system that will give your wife half of your stuff if you decide it's not working out for you. What happens when your wife has made you feel trapped, neglected, marginalized, walked on and used. You can't leave her, the court will award her your house, half your belongings, money from your pay checks every month. You surely aren't being satisfied at home sexually or emotionally. Are you supposed to lay down and take that because your wife is comfortable in her lifestyle and knows damn well she will take you to the cleaners if you decide to leave?

There are some men who are just panty chasing, but if you think that some women don't cause the disharmony in their relationships that bring a man to cheat, you are being naive.

You can flip-flop all of that in the case of a female provider and a male dependent.

 

[andcuriouser]

Well, my take on it is this. I for one have never cheated and never will, but probably not for the reasons most people think (which I will keep to myself).

That said, have you ever stopped to question how desperate a situation some men (and women) find themselves in? We live in a justice system that will give your wife half of your stuff if you decide it's not working out for you. What happens when your wife has made you feel trapped, neglected, marginalized, walked on and used. You can't leave her, the court will award her your house, half your belongings, money from your pay checks every month. You surely aren't being satisfied at home sexually or emotionally. Are you supposed to lay down and take that because your wife is comfortable in her lifestyle and knows damn well she will take you to the cleaners if you decide to leave?

There are some men who are just panty chasing, but if you think that some women don't cause the disharmony in their relationships that bring a man to cheat, you are being naive.

You can flip-flop all of that in the case of a female provider and a male dependent.

I very much agree with this.

I don't think you can make gigantic generalized statements, because really it all comes down to the situation and the context.

 

[CRZY72004]

Weither You Stay Or Leave She Get 1/2 So Do You Want To Be Happy And Broke Or Miserable And Rich. Me I'll Be Broke

 

[Tegan]

Weither You Stay Or Leave She Get 1/2 So Do You Want To Be Happy And Broke Or Miserable And Rich. Me I'll Be Broke

Say that again once you've bought a house, remodeled it, own two cars, have thousands of dollars worth of nice things in your house and have a good paying job.

Now imagine for a second you have to not only continue to pay for that house, which you won't live in, but will have to find an apartment, buy new stuff, continue to pay for a car you don't drive, etc.

It's easy to be gung ho about it, but it's not so easy to just up and deal with the hell that is divorce.

 

[Veronica]

divorce is HELL!

 

[andcuriouser]

I've never cheated on a person, so my perspective is sort of as the "other person". My husband (her husband then) couldn't just get up and walk out, because there was so much going on.

It was financial, personal, religious. There were so many entanglements, and she was definitely a smart lady and tried as hard as she could to milk him for all he had. Luckily there were no kids in the equation, but the whole thing was just a giant mess. As V says, divorce really is hell.

I can definitely understand why he wasn't eager to do it. If that makes him a bad man, fine. I just don't think that cheating can be so black and white.