rant about men.

[BreakfastSurreal]

its because WE CARE...maybe too much sometimes

 

[elluko]

Ha, relationships... you adults make me wonder...

 

[Haus]

one thing i read from your post that made me upset is when he said Cleaning is YOUR job. Thats BS that men say that.
i say get off your ass and help with the house work, cooking dinner and what ever. its not just the womans job. Hell do the stuff together.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

well, it kinda is my job. He goes to work and pays all the bills. I don't pay for shit...he even pays for my school. So I feel obligated to clean to pay him back in a way...but it's when he expects it like he's my boss at a job or something..he acts like he's gonna fire me if i dont clean, and that's not how i like our relationship to work. I guess I screwed up in the beginning by doing all this stuff from the goodness of my own heart, so now he expects it all the time. Blah oh well. I'm grateful for everything he gives me so I do it. I just don't like being told I must do it by a certain time, when i have a zillion other things to do. I like getting around to it when I can instead of stressing out about it.

 

[Haus]

well the way i was brought up. you help make the mess you help clean it up. you make a mess YOU clean it up.

but i guess thats me.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

Next time he bitches about not doing his own laundry, just shrug your shoulders and leave the room. To drive the point home further, when you do laundry, just do yours.

+2. When my mom leaves for days(Stay at our grandfather's, go to the hospital, etc), I get stuck with the laundry, cause let's be honest, they sure as hell don't let kids go to school naked these days. And nobody else in the house will do this shit until it's half way up the fucking wall. So my solution: I do MY laundry. My sister wants to stand at the bus-stop naked and whatnot, fine, that's her problem.

And I completely resent this topic! I help out around the house. But then again, I'm only 16. So yeah. I still get points for helping cook dinner and do laundry and shit right?!

Ha, relationships... you adults make me wonder...

-Pat on the head- It's ok, you'll like girls soon enough. xD

 

[OUZBnd]

From a mans point of view... one thing that urks me is when I get home from a stressful day I DO want to talk, but I don't want it to be stressful. There is nothing worse coming home and the first thing you start to hear is bitching about this and that, and how bad the day went. My philisophy has also been that bitching about something will never make it better unless you bitch about it to the people who made it bad in the first place. So why waste the energy and get mad and fussy about things that really are not important during that time and place. Relax and enjoy the time together rather than spend it wasting energy yelling about something that happend in the past. Why prolong the bad event? If something bad happens to me at work, or I've had a bad day, i don't talk about it. Why would I want to bring it up again only to evoke the same stress that the previous event caused? It's over, so I forget about it...

 

[TheOriginalJames]

well, it kinda is my job. He goes to work and pays all the bills. I don't pay for shit...he even pays for my school. So I feel obligated to clean to pay him back in a way...but it's when he expects it like he's my boss at a job or something..he acts like he's gonna fire me if i dont clean, and that's not how i like our relationship to work. I guess I screwed up in the beginning by doing all this stuff from the goodness of my own heart, so now he expects it all the time. Blah oh well. I'm grateful for everything he gives me so I do it. I just don't like being told I must do it by a certain time, when i have a zillion other things to do. I like getting around to it when I can instead of stressing out about it.

You just sent the womans equal rights movement back 20 years. You feel obligated because he works? Doesn't seem like a 50/50 relationship to me, if you feel like it's your job to do all the dirty work so he can sit around the house all night after work.

I work 40 hours a week, and I pick up after myself. All I'd ask of my fiancee is that the sex is great, and we enjoy spending time together.

I think the best thing to do is have a heart to heart with him like Crystal did with Dan. Hopefully he'll see things from both points of view, much like you already do.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

You just sent the womans equal rights movement back 20 years. You feel obligated because he works? Doesn't seem like a 50/50 relationship to me, if you feel like it's your job to do all the dirty work so he can sit around the house all night after work.

I work 40 hours a week, and I pick up after myself. All I'd ask of my fiancee is that the sex is great, and we enjoy spending time together.

I think the best thing to do is have a heart to heart with him like Crystal did with Dan. Hopefully he'll see things from both points of view, much like you already do.

maybe you misunderstood me. He works...I clean. He pays bills, I take care of the house. It's not that way because I'm the woman, it's that way because right now that is the only way we are able to do it. Sure he could help, but I don't contribute financially so I do the cleaning. I don't mind it, I just want some thanks and recognition for it, and I don't like feeling like it's my occupation. Things won't always be this way, as soon as I get out of college and start my career we will pull equal weight around the house when it comes to cleaning. Then (if) he goes back to school and I'm working full time to support us, it will be his job. It's 50/50. I just feel overloaded sometimes. School/housecleaning is hard sometimes, but sometimes it's a breeze and I still have tons of extra time on my hands.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

From a mans point of view... one thing that urks me is when I get home from a stressful day I DO want to talk, but I don't want it to be stressful. There is nothing worse coming home and the first thing you start to hear is bitching about this and that, and how bad the day went. My philisophy has also been that bitching about something will never make it better unless you bitch about it to the people who made it bad in the first place. So why waste the energy and get mad and fussy about things that really are not important during that time and place. Relax and enjoy the time together rather than spend it wasting energy yelling about something that happend in the past. Why prolong the bad event? If something bad happens to me at work, or I've had a bad day, i don't talk about it. Why would I want to bring it up again only to evoke the same stress that the previous event caused? It's over, so I forget about it...

Let me let you in on a little secret. What you might see as "bitching" is really us females letting you know how our day went. It might seem like we are complaining, but to us, letting it all off our chests IS what makes us feel better. That's why women are known as gossipers, and thats why people say we bitch. Just as much as a man doesn't feel the need to say anything unless it's going to accomplish something, a woman feels like she needs to tell everything about her day so she can feel better about things. WOMEN LIKE TO TALK. about EVERYTHING. Just understand that your way is right for you, and our way is right for us.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

one thing i read from your post that made me upset is when he said Cleaning is YOUR job. Thats BS that men say that.
i say get off your ass and help with the house work, cooking dinner and what ever. its not just the womans job. Hell do the stuff together.

Me and my husband have come to an understanding not too long ago. I work nights and he works day so sometimes the house gets messy, plus with 3 kids too. He has told me that if I EVER need help with the housework, to just tell him and he would be more than happy to help me. When he was laid off from his job last year, he did 90% of the cleaning. He did some major spring cleaning. In fact, he cooks WAY more than I do. So I cant really complain about my husband.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

well, it kinda is my job. He goes to work and pays all the bills. I don't pay for shit...he even pays for my school. So I feel obligated to clean to pay him back in a way...but it's when he expects it like he's my boss at a job or something..he acts like he's gonna fire me if i dont clean, and that's not how i like our relationship to work. I guess I screwed up in the beginning by doing all this stuff from the goodness of my own heart, so now he expects it all the time. Blah oh well. I'm grateful for everything he gives me so I do it. I just don't like being told I must do it by a certain time, when i have a zillion other things to do. I like getting around to it when I can instead of stressing out about it.

maybe you misunderstood me. He works...I clean. He pays bills, I take care of the house. It's not that way because I'm the woman, it's that way because right now that is the only way we are able to do it. Sure he could help, but I don't contribute financially so I do the cleaning. I don't mind it, I just want some thanks and recognition for it, and I don't like feeling like it's my occupation. Things won't always be this way, as soon as I get out of college and start my career we will pull equal weight around the house when it comes to cleaning. Then (if) he goes back to school and I'm working full time to support us, it will be his job. It's 50/50. I just feel overloaded sometimes. School/housecleaning is hard sometimes, but sometimes it's a breeze and I still have tons of extra time on my hands.

I didn't really misunderstand it, but from the way you worded what he's said to you (and expects from you) just goes to show that a misunderstanding can have distasterous results. I don't think it's right that he should expect anything from you, school can be stressful enough, but from your words, he still expects you to come home with mounds of homework and clean up after him. IMO that's not fair to you.

When you start your career, are you 100% sure that he'll see it the way you do as far as putting equal amount into the housework? That would be something I'd try to talk to him about without passing blame or anger on each other.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

Let me let you in on a little secret. What you might see as "bitching" is really us females letting you know how our day went. It might seem like we are complaining, but to us, letting it all off our chests IS what makes us feel better. That's why women are known as gossipers, and thats why people say we bitch. Just as much as a man doesn't feel the need to say anything unless it's going to accomplish something, a woman feels like she needs to tell everything about her day so she can feel better about things. WOMEN LIKE TO TALK. about EVERYTHING. Just understand that your way is right for you, and our way is right for us.

Really? When my mom comes home from work, screaming at the top of her lungs, "GET THAT FUCKING LAUNDRY UP, DO THIS, DO THAT". That's not bitching? Damn, I guess I was wrong this whole time. It's ok for you women to bitch about your day, but if the guy comes home, had a hard day, and says even one syllable related to him having a bad day, the wife freaks out. Hypocritical? To me it is.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Really? When my mom comes home from work, screaming at the top of her lungs, "GET THAT FUCKING LAUNDRY UP, DO THIS, DO THAT". That's not bitching? Damn, I guess I was wrong this whole time. It's ok for you women to bitch about your day, but if the guy comes home, had a hard day, and says even one syllable related to him having a bad day, the wife freaks out. Hypocritical? To me it is.

.... and do you have a wife that does that?

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

well i guess i see the discrepency here, the second post I made is what he and I have discussed...the first post is what things feel like to me. In other words, he has never TOLD me he expects me to clean all the time, but he has other ways of telling me...like throwing hissy fits or rolling his eyes. The second post is about the agreement we have, and who knows if he will hold up his end of the bargain.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

.... and do you have a wife that does that?

Well marrying one of your friend's doesn't legally count, but my dad even agrees. It's basically just bitching, and if you're gonna bitch, why not let us do it without getting jumped on?

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

Really? When my mom comes home from work, screaming at the top of her lungs, "GET THAT FUCKING LAUNDRY UP, DO THIS, DO THAT". That's not bitching? Damn, I guess I was wrong this whole time. It's ok for you women to bitch about your day, but if the guy comes home, had a hard day, and says even one syllable related to him having a bad day, the wife freaks out. Hypocritical? To me it is.

that's different. You took the word bitching completely out of context there. I was talking about when women want to talk about their days to their husbands/boyfriends and it comes off as complaining, when really all we are trying to do is discuss how we feel about something that happened that is bothering us. And you are wrong about this
"but if the guy comes home, had a hard day, and says even one syllable related to him having a bad day, the wife freaks out."
Women don't freak out when their husbands complain about having bad days at work...at least I don't. I actually welcome it when Matt wants to tell me how crappy his day was, or needs me to console him because he didn't have a good day. It's one thing to come home and take it out on the other person, but I have never once gotten upset with a man for sharing with me what an awful day he had.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

Well marrying one of your friend's doesn't legally count, but my dad even agrees. It's basically just bitching, and if you're gonna bitch, why not let us do it without getting jumped on?

You really don't know what you're talking about. Not once have I ever witnessed my dad talk about my mom 'bitching' about her job at GTE, and believe me, she had a lot of shitty customer stories to tell at dinner.

You didn't grasp the context in how she meant it.

 

[OUZBnd]

Let me let you in on a little secret. What you might see as "bitching" is really us females letting you know how our day went. It might seem like we are complaining, but to us, letting it all off our chests IS what makes us feel better. That's why women are known as gossipers, and thats why people say we bitch. Just as much as a man doesn't feel the need to say anything unless it's going to accomplish something, a woman feels like she needs to tell everything about her day so she can feel better about things. WOMEN LIKE TO TALK. about EVERYTHING. Just understand that your way is right for you, and our way is right for us.

I know this. I was merely trying to give OUR side of the argument. So will you agree that men and wome have very opossing ideas of this situation? Then somewhere there should be a compromise, and it should not be all on the man (or womans) shoulder to find that level ground.

 

[andcuriouser]

...I'm not a woman. Obviously.

It's not that I want to complain about my day when Matt gets home from work. I don't want to bitch or tell him about the cat vomiting on my shoes. I just want human contact. He doesn't even have to say anything, just give me some sort of acknowledgement. This is slightly different if we've argued in the morning, because then I've had all day to stew about it, but I'm more worried about making him not-mad at me at that point, so I'm generally okay with being unobstructive in that situation.

I don't know.