Infidelity

[Maritxu]

What is for you infidelity? Where do you draw the line? what is just flirting and what is it alreafy being unfaithful?
Have you ever been unfaithful? if you did, did you feel guilty?

 

[trope]

Ahahaha.

I draw the line just past flirting. I dunno, I find flirting can sometimes be a way to bond with people as friends. Leland doesn't care if I jokingly flirt with anyone, and I don't really care if he does, as long as it doesn't go past that. Romantic kissing, drunken blowjobs... all that is obviously over the line. I believe pecks are okay, even on the lips. I've also learned to trust Leland a lot. He's got this arty, shy, indie hipster thing so down, that there'll be girls and boys who practically wanna marry him. He gets flustered, it's cute. Sometimes he'll entertain them for a little while if he's feeling playful, but it doesn't go beyond, and we laugh about it.

I have been unfaithful, but not to Le. When Le and I met, I was married at the time, and although the marriage was already dissolving, Leland did play a part in that. Guilt? Holy hell, yes. The guilt can get crippling. I wish every moment that Le and I had met when I wasn't married, because it would have saved us a lot of trouble and heartache.

 

[SilentEyz]

This is kind of Tough, Because it sometimes depends on the level of trust, and the comfort level with your Partner.

I have never cheated on a partner, Don't think I could. But yes I have been Cheated on and it can be devastating.

If my partner is they type who is naturally flirtasous, Then his flirting would probably not bother me, as much as if I had a partner is not so, yet becomes so around certain people, that would create uncomfort for me.

Back to the Question: I think Flirting is fine, If I am comfortable, and I know that his flirting is just that, I am the one he is there with and the one he is leaving with, then flirting is no threat to me. Anything Beyond Flirting, To me is pushing the line, If they are willing to tease and play and go beyond flirting, Then the level of trust would always be Sketchy, I would always have to worry about the next time.

 

[Maritxu]

and something like cybersex, telephone sex, or simply talking about if you'd like to try it, for example?

I never understood infidelity, always thougth there is no excuse to it. I feel as though my opinion is changing.

 

[SilentEyz]

All the above, I would consider infidelity, The intentions are there, and can all lead to more.

 

[Maritxu]

I agree with you. It is wrong. It would hurt the person you are with....
BUT: you said that the intentions are there, but then, they are also in a fantasy. You may never do it in real life.

And what is it worse for you emocional or sexual infidelity? would you forgive?

 

[SilentEyz]

Is it a Fantasy or an Escape? I mean For me A fantasy is imagining my Sex partner is Someone Else, Or buying costumes, and Role playing..

Participating in a fantasy without your Partner.. I would have to hard a time accepting that, Because I would always be wondering why, And again, I would not be able to trust that it would never go Farther, That they would never get so wrapped up in that fantasy tat they would not try to Take that next step. ( if that makes sense)

I think Emotional Infidility would be worse, Because for me, Sexual or physical can be just that, Just about Sex or Just about the Moment. Emotional is disconnecting a bond, Emotional is pulling away, and putting up walls, I think that would be harder to forgive, and harder to re-build from.

 

[andcuriouser]

and something like cybersex, telephone sex, or simply talking about if you'd like to try it, for example?

I never understood infidelity, always thougth there is no excuse to it. I feel as though my opinion is changing.

Cybersex, telephone sex, definitely.

Simply talking about if you'd like to try it? No, sort of. Lots of partners will bring up things like threesomes, and sometimes talking about it prevents acting on it. I dunno. It's never really come up, but I don't think talking about it is SMACK!CHEATING! you know?

 

[Maritxu]

Another question: if you were unfaithful, would you confess?

I would. I am such a bad liar he would catch me anyway and then he'd feel even more betrayed.

 

[andcuriouser]

I don't know if I would. Sometimes knowing hurts more than ignorance, but I have this terrible honesty-complex where I can't lie to anyone, ever. It would probably just fly out.

 

[trope]

I both confessed and didn't at the same time.

My wife found out about Le and I through a somewhat unreliable source, but she confronted me about it anyway, and I didn't deny it. I said, yes, this has been happening, I'm really sorry, you're angry, how about we cool off and Leland leaves for a while (it was kind of salty: Le was living with us at the time). Lucky for me, my wife was relatively good about the whole thing. She was genuinely hurt, but it was a known fact that our marriage was going down the can, and it was only a matter of when.

We managed to work things out. I'm friends with my ex-wife. Not close friends, but we hardly hate each other.

Not everyone is blessed with such understanding people, I think.

 

[SilentEyz]

Thats a hard question, I think part of the answer would depend on the circumstances and the relationship. But I probably would, bcse I hate lying to people, and The Guilt of it would just eat me till I had no choice anyway,
That and I probably would be honest, just to resolve the problem anyway.

 

[peppermint]

What is for you infidelity? Where do you draw the line? what is just flirting and what is it alreafy being unfaithful?
Have you ever been unfaithful? if you did, did you feel guilty?

Infidelity begins when lying begins. If you have to lie, then you're in trouble. It doesn't matter what you're doing or who you're doing it with, but if you have to lie, then you're not being faithful to your partner.

I've never cheated. I've never felt that I had to cheat or lie. I'm into hardcore honesty, and I'd rather my partner tell me he's into somebody else, then lie and sneak around. If I was into somebody else, I'd say so. Then I'd ask for time to consider what I wanted before I made a move either way. I don't like to lie. I value people more than that. I value myself more than that.

Is flirting cheating? No. I don't think so. I think you have to be careful not to go beyond a point where intimacy develops. If you're doing something secretly, like sneaking off to lunch with somebody, or sneaking on a computer while your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is sleeping, just so you can play some sexy games with your online flirt buddy, then I think it's close to cheating. It depends on how it affects your real life relationship. It depends on how it affects you. Do you become moody, secretive, less attentive toward your real life mate? Then yes it's cheating. If it doesn't change your relationship at all and you're not lying about it, then it's not cheating. When you're lying, then it's cheating. That's what it all comes down to.. the lie.

I detest liars, but I love a good flirt. I'm not married or cheating, so I have nothing to feel guilty about, and no reason to lie.

 

[Jersey]

i would not be able to keep something like that in.. i have a terribly guilty conscience, and it wouldnt be long before he knew

 

[Haus]

I both confessed and didn't at the same time.

My wife found out about Le and I through a somewhat unreliable source, but she confronted me about it anyway, and I didn't deny it. I said, yes, this has been happening, I'm really sorry, you're angry, how about we cool off and Leland leaves for a while (it was kind of salty: Le was living with us at the time). Lucky for me, my wife was relatively good about the whole thing. She was genuinely hurt, but it was a known fact that our marriage was going down the can, and it was only a matter of when.

We managed to work things out. I'm friends with my ex-wife. Not close friends, but we hardly hate each other.

Not everyone is blessed with such understanding people, I think.

did you and your ex wife have any kids together???

 

[trope]

did you and your ex wife have any kids together???

No. Thank God, no.

We were married for less than two years when we split.

Kids would have changed things, but in a different way. I mean, if I had kids I never would have met Leland, as I would not have been in college town at 1:30am on a weeknight. I can say, almost without a doubt, that the marriage still would have crumbled. I don't think either my wife or myself knew each other at all when we got married, even though we thought we did.

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

Infidelity begins when lying begins. If you have to lie, then you're in trouble. It doesn't matter what you're doing or who you're doing it with, but if you have to lie, then you're not being faithful to your partner.

I've never cheated. I've never felt that I had to cheat or lie. I'm into hardcore honesty, and I'd rather my partner tell me he's into somebody else, then lie and sneak around. If I was into somebody else, I'd say so. Then I'd ask for time to consider what I wanted before I made a move either way. I don't like to lie. I value people more than that. I value myself more than that.

Is flirting cheating? No. I don't think so. I think you have to be careful not to go beyond a point where intimacy develops. If you're doing something secretly, like sneaking off to lunch with somebody, or sneaking on a computer while your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is sleeping, just so you can play some sexy games with your online flirt buddy, then I think it's close to cheating. It depends on how it affects your real life relationship. It depends on how it affects you. Do you become moody, secretive, less attentive toward your real life mate? Then yes it's cheating. If it doesn't change your relationship at all and you're not lying about it, then it's not cheating. When you're lying, then it's cheating. That's what it all comes down to.. the lie.

I agree 100% with everything you say here. I would type my own response but yours pretty much sums it up for me.

 

[Maritxu]

Infidelity begins when lying begins. If you have to lie, then you're in trouble. It doesn't matter what you're doing or who you're doing it with, but if you have to lie, then you're not being faithful to your partner.

I've never cheated. I've never felt that I had to cheat or lie. I'm into hardcore honesty, and I'd rather my partner tell me he's into somebody else, then lie and sneak around. If I was into somebody else, I'd say so. Then I'd ask for time to consider what I wanted before I made a move either way. I don't like to lie. I value people more than that. I value myself more than that.

Is flirting cheating? No. I don't think so. I think you have to be careful not to go beyond a point where intimacy develops. If you're doing something secretly, like sneaking off to lunch with somebody, or sneaking on a computer while your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is sleeping, just so you can play some sexy games with your online flirt buddy, then I think it's close to cheating. It depends on how it affects your real life relationship. It depends on how it affects you. Do you become moody, secretive, less attentive toward your real life mate? Then yes it's cheating. If it doesn't change your relationship at all and you're not lying about it, then it's not cheating. When you're lying, then it's cheating. That's what it all comes down to.. the lie.

I detest liars, but I love a good flirt. I'm not married or cheating, so I have nothing to feel guilty about, and no reason to lie.

I totally agree. If you need to lie, and it changes the way you act towards your partner, it is cheating.
However, I know some people who think confessing is cruel, because you only do it not to feel guilty (as a way to release the tension) and you hurt your partner who othewise would never know.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

My husband has told me from the beginning, that if I ever felt the need to cheat on him, he would rather not know about it. Ive never cheated on him and dont ever intend on it. But if I did, there is no way that I could keep something like that in.
If he ever cheated on me, I better be told about it. I like complete honesty.

 

[White2000GT]

I guess it could still be considered infidelity since I had sex with another woman while we were still legally married. But it was after she told me she wanted a divorce. She wasn't even the same person that I married anyway. She was so in love with this other guy that she met while I was deployed that she even asked me not to tell him that she and I were still having sex. How shitty is that? She felt guilty about having sex with me, still her husband by law, while her "boyfriend" was then deployed. I have never in my life wanted to hit her so bad as I did when she said that. And mind you, I have never and will never lay a hand on a woman in anger.
So yeah, I had sex with another woman. Did I feel guilty about it? Hell no I didn't. I would have done it several more times if I would have had time to. (She had her hood pierced... that's hot!)