Super lame jokes?

[Ddbomd397d]

Lame jokes can make my day for some reason. Post yours here!


What did the fish say when he swam into the seaweed..?

 

[Natasha]

Ummm, I dunno...what???

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "why the long face???" :24:

 

[Ddbomd397d]

Kelp!!

 

[doadesweb]

A man walks into a bar. BANG! An iron bar.

 

[Abcinthia]

What's red and smells like blue paint?



Red paint!

 

[doadesweb]

What's brown and sticky?

A Stick.

 

[Abcinthia]

What do you call a dog next to a radiator?


A hot dog.

 

[doadesweb]

As a child I was used as a test case for grafting animal parts to humans.
It really affected me and if I ever meet the person who did it to me I'll kill them with my bear hands

 

[Racks]

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any ******** bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any ******* bread, ask me again and I'll nail your ******* beak to the bar you irritating ******* of a ******* bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

 

[doadesweb]

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any ******** bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any ******* bread, ask me again and I'll nail your ******* beak to the bar you irritating ******* of a ******* bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

That was actually kinda funny! :24:

 

[Niamh]

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?







Do you smell carrots?

 

[Siphorous]

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were all lost together on a desert island.

Absolutely starving, they'd come to the end of their tether when along comes a pork pie sailing along in a boat.

Not agreeing on how to share it - one has an idea. "I know!!" the Englishman cries. "Whoever has the best dream can have the pork pie".

That night they go to sleep.

The Englishman dreams of exotic luxuries and wealth and decadence and is confident he'll have the best dream.

The Scotsman dreams of delightful beauties beyond his wildest imagination and is absolutely confident he'll have the best dream.

The Irishman dreams he is hungry so got up and ate the pork pie.

 

[Siphorous]

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Indian man have all been walking for the longest time when they happen upon a farm.

Weary and tired, they ask the farmer if he has any rooms for the night. The farmer replies "Only one..." and then seeing their dilemma says "Whoever can stand the pigs in their sty the longest can have the room".

The Irishman goes in. After only half an hour, he is out! The Englishman goes in next thinking "Irish fool, I've got this sorted!". He lasts a bit longer but after only one hour - he is out too!!

Then the Indian man goes in. Quietly confident, he takes along his curries and other food and the next thing you know - the pigs come out! Winner.

 

[doadesweb]

I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling.

It's cheaper than a smoke alarm.

 

[Ddbomd397d]

I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling.

It's cheaper than a smoke alarm.

Love it! hahahahahahaha!

 

[ganny]

Where does a sick boat go?




To the boat dock.

 

[JoeCool10]

Two muffins are in an oven. One says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here!". The other says, "AHHH! A talking muffin!!"

 

[doadesweb]

What do you call a Chinese man with a video camera?

Phil Ming.

 

[Peter Parka]

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonkey

 

[Panacea]

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy