What if Santa answered his letters truthfully?

[Mrs Behavin]

What if Santa answered his letters truthfully?



Some letters to Santa and the replies received


Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send
you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your
older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let
me
get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your
reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding
in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most
of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself
silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losingmoney at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like
in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE-
PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa

 

[GuesSAngel]

hahahaha :rofl2::rofl2::rofl2::24::24::24:

this is the best thing that i've read all day!!!

when I was reading this I was thinking in a sick and twisted world if I were santa, that's what I would probably say to little kids.

 

[elluko]

Poor Marky is probably laying in his bed shivering and staring at his open window at this very moment.

 

[Tim]

MsBehavin, you should be ashamed of yourself posting this. You should never tarnish the good name of Santa. He would never talk like that, and besides, I liked the sweater he gave me.