Was I wrong?

[HottyToddyChick]

My 18 year old brother, who's getting ready to graduate high school, just texted and told me about this party he went to last night where he got wasted. Did a lot of drinking, did a little pot.
Pot?!?! Whoa! I mean, that just floored me. I called, and I told him I wouldn't tell this time, but if I found out it was a habit, I was going to say something. My parents are pretty strict, but I don't think they overdo it. I'm only 19, but I'm a junior in college, now, and I do drink at parties. My parents know that. They are okay with it as long as I'm safe about it, have a DD, that sort of thing. But they don't condone it.

This party my brother went to was at a 16 year old kid's house. His family has been gone for a week. (The HS in on the only highway to the Outer Banks, and traffic gets real bad, which is why they didn't have school today, btw)

I mean, I feel bad about threatening to tell, and he kept saying well you tried it before. So now of course I feel like a failure as a big sis. Some of the guys I knew my freshman year decided pot was great. One of the regularly does cocaine now and the other has asthma and lays around the house all day. When I tried it, I freaked. I thought I came home and went to sleep. According to my bf, I really scared him. I spent two hours thrashing around in the bed, rubbing my foot against the sheets screaming about how much I wanted it off my body. I even wore most of the nailpolish off!

I know I'm not his mom or anything, but I'm just trying to look out for him, and sometimes it's easier to hear things from peers, not grown-ups, right? Did I overdo it? Should I have just kept my mouth shut, or was I right to say something, because it sounded like he was bragging about it...

And this is the kid I told my brother he could bring down here with him to hang with me for a week? (Home is NC and here is MS)

(sorry that was so long!)

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

there is nothing wrong with looking out for him, but unless you truly feel he is in danger, i see no point in ratting him out...most kids try pot...and most only try it...i dont see the harm in trying it, he's gonna do what he wants regardless of what you say or do, but if you tell on him that will be the end of him telling you what he does...i say wait it out and see if he does anything worse before getting too concerned! Also, that is a strange reaction you had...i dunno if you were tlaking about to cocaine or pot...but for either...thats weird, you probably did too much than you can handle..

 

[Boomer]

there is nothing wrong with looking out for him, but unless you truly feel he is in danger, i see no point in ratting him out...most kids try pot...and most only try it...i dont see the harm in trying it, he's gonna do what he wants regardless of what you say or do, but if you tell on him that will be the end of him telling you what he does...i say wait it out and see if he does anything worse before getting too concerned! Also, that is a strange reaction you had...i dunno if you were tlaking about to cocaine or pot...but for either...thats weird, you probably did too much than you can handle..

And with the way you are concerned(which is good) that would certainly be a bad thing. You want his trust.

 

[Tegan]

So let me get this straight, you condone and participate in underage drinking, but you think pot is such a mortal sin you need to tattle tale on your brother? Have you ever studied cannabis? Do you even know it's effects? Or are you basing your entire point of view on what D.A.R.E and your parents taught you?

News flash: Alcohol is more dangerous, addictive and mind altering than pot will EVER be, period. I think before you go worrying about your brother smoking a little pot, you need to look in the mirror and realize that you are participating in under age consumption of a far more dangerous substance. You can't even use the "pot is illegal!" argument, because you are participating in an illegal act every time you take a drink.

Your little pot story sounds like a bad 50's anti-drug commercial. Pot doesn't do that to you, at all. Either you got some PCP, or you are exaggerating to prove your point. I am going to assume you got some PCP.

 

[BaggedSplash]

i probably woulda said the same thing to my younger brother. well i did once but that was because he was drinking and he called me up while he was drunk and i told him if he did it again i was gonna say something to my parents. he never did it again. this was a few years ago btw...

they closed the school because of traffic?? wtf??? thats stupid as hell. doesnt the schools out there in NC have signs posted with flashing lights that there is a school ahead and drive 35mph when the lights are flashing?? most states i know of have em. if NC doesnt there is something seriously wrong there.

sounds like that pot you smoked once was laced with something if you were halucinating...

 

[Boomer]

By the way, where did you get that pot? *homer simpson drool*

 

[BreakfastSurreal]

yeah i actually had pot laced with angel dust the 2nd time i tried it...i couldnt move and went into a coma almost...that shit can do crazy stuff to you...make you see things..make you flip out and NOT see things around you...yeah...bad stuff

 

[Tegan]

Lets all say it together folks: Why do we have pot laced with PCP in the first place? Because the DEA scheduled marijuana as a schedule 1 narcotic, making it illegal and underground, allowing low life scum to lace it with things like PCP! Given that marijuana is less harmful than alcohol on ALL fronts (this has been proven scientifically, no rhetoric required), maybe there is the problem.

 

[HottyToddyChick]

Boomer- That's a very valid point. I did tell him that if it happened again I would tell. He's 18, he's experimenting, everyone does it once, but he sounded so proud of himself.

BDN- For most of the students it's an hour long bus ride anyhow. On high traffic days it would take a good three hours or so.

Tegan- I did not say anything to him about drinking. I'm guilty, so I can't say anything to him. I know that. I also know that I tried pot once, so he gets one screw up. He's my younger brother, and I'm looking out for him, and quite frankly I don't care if you're under the impression that pot is not worse than alcohol. I know my brother knows how to be a responsible drinker, because that's what my parents are, and honestly, until I came to college, I didn't know alcohol was such a big aspect of American life. He's not stupid, and I have provided him with alcohol before (gasp!), and he knows better than to drink and drive and what not. Pot alters your state of mind the same way alcohol does. People react differently to pot. It can make you hallucinate and it can cause paranoia.

Breakfast- I tried pot. And it was under peer pressure, not something I'm proud to say I did. I went 18 years with out ever even seeing the stuff. I was proud of that. And I only took one hit... so I don't know why I reacted that way, but I got scared that since I reacted that way, he might too. But you're definitely right, I don't want to rat him out and have him stop telling me these things. I just don't want him to ruin his life either. I told him if I heard about it again, I would tell. Trying it doesn't make him an awful person, but hearing him say over and over "You tried it before"... I really feel like I failed him.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

It's ok to be concerned, but the fact is he's 18. By legal standards, he's no longer bound by his parents. Sure, the pot itself is illegal, but the parents have no say in what he smokes, so they can't really do much.

 

[HottyToddyChick]

He still lives with them. I don't care how old he is. The way our family is, if you live under the parents' roof, you follow the parents' rules.

 

[Tegan]

See, having this discussion with you is kind of pointless. You are going to believe what you believe about pot, regardless of what the scientific evidence is. Science has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that alcohol is a worse substance for the human body than pot. Period, end of discussion. You can choose to ignore that, not believe it, doesn't effect me. I don't care how responsible of a drinker you are, it's a dangerous substance. How many people die from drunk driving accidents every year? Now, how many people die from stoned driving accidents every year? Exactly, nuff said.

And pot does not make you hallucinate, that is an absolutley load. That is D.A.R.E. 1950's anti-drug rhetoric popping up. Same crap as the "pot is a gateway drug" B.S. (which, btw, has been scientifically debunked).

My point is, I think you need to stop calling the kettle black. It's absolutley hypocritical of you to threaten to rat out your brother to your parents for smoking a little pot, while you are not only participating in, but condoning, under age drinking! Do you know that underage drunk driving is one of the top five killers of young people?

 

[GraceAbounds]

The best thing you can do for your brother is to lead by example. If you are breaking the law, how much weight do you think your words are going to hold with your brother? Not much, right? I could tell by your initial post that you saw this point already, so me saying this is not something you do not already realize so that is good.

If you are scared that he is in danger, I would tell your parents but I would tell them that they can't approach him on what he has already done because you do not want him knowing you told. If you can trust your parents to not say anything about this particular incident, this will alert them to his future activities so that they can keep a better eye out for him and catch him next time.

My thoughts are with you and your brother. You both have your whole futures ahead of you. Avoid decisions that screw that future up. The world is getting more unforgiving of mistakes everyday. Please make decisions that will enable you to be a good example to your brother.

 

[HottyToddyChick]

Tegan- My parents are aware of the fact that I drink, and are aware of the fact the my brother will most likely drink when he lives the house also.

Grace- I wish I could tell my parents to keep an eye out and to please not say anything, I just think my dad would be so angry that he would not be able to not say anything. I don't want him to be caught, but if he thinks it's okay, and I can't do anything to change his mind, then what else am I supposed to do? And the part that really sucks is we just started having a good relationship with one another.

 

[GraceAbounds]

When you talk to your brother, make sure he knows it is not about him being bad or wrong. Let him know how much you love him, but that what he is 'doing' is not good for him and neither is his attitude is he thinks his actions are 'cool'. All you can do is really bear your heart to him. It sounds like you care about him very much. That is going to touch him more than anything hopefully. Have hope in the best outcome. If he decides to walk a different path, then he may just have to learn the hard way. I know that is difficult to watch when it involves those we love. But sometimes the hard way is the only way for some people. Hopefully that will not be the case with your brother.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

He still lives with them. I don't care how old he is. The way our family is, if you live under the parents' roof, you follow the parents' rules.

That's true, but in a legal system, the only true that that he's done wrong is smoking pot. I believe it's 18 you can smoke, 21 drink. Or vice versa. But either way, it's natural for kids to expirment with things like these. If he make it an every day thing, then become concerned, talk with the parents. Don't just threaten him, "Next time I'm telling mom and dad", he'll lose his trust in you.

Be a cool sister, just wait for a bit.

 

[Dodge_Sniper]

See, having this discussion with you is kind of pointless. You are going to believe what you believe about pot, regardless of what the scientific evidence is. Science has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that alcohol is a worse substance for the human body than pot. Period, end of discussion. You can choose to ignore that, not believe it, doesn't effect me. I don't care how responsible of a drinker you are, it's a dangerous substance. How many people die from drunk driving accidents every year? Now, how many people die from stoned driving accidents every year? Exactly, nuff said.

And pot does not make you hallucinate, that is an absolutley load. That is D.A.R.E. 1950's anti-drug rhetoric popping up. Same crap as the "pot is a gateway drug" B.S. (which, btw, has been scientifically debunked).

My point is, I think you need to stop calling the kettle black. It's absolutley hypocritical of you to threaten to rat out your brother to your parents for smoking a little pot, while you are not only participating in, but condoning, under age drinking! Do you know that underage drunk driving is one of the top five killers of young people?

+2. I'd much rather condone pot than underaged drinking. Pot is not as bad as alcohol, and not all people do bad things when they smoke pot. My friend Katie was killed by an underage drunk driver.

 

[TheOriginalJames]

I think you're being a hypocrite.

 

[Reaver]

nice posts Tegan, if you wouldn't have made a speech about pot, I would have.

you're being hypocritical in my views, too. I know you are trying to look out for him, but he is an adult. Let him form his own opinions on things. If it gets way outta hand, mention it, but someone using pot on weekends is not a big deal. In addition, it's good that he is a safe drinker. I'm not saying you should drive under EITHER drug, but pot is less dangerous than booze. My point is, he knows full well the consequences of his actions, and as an adult he should be prepared to stand and face them if it comes down to it.

 

[Peter Parka]

Pot I wouldnt be too concerned about unless its causing problems, angel dust, tell him to stay the fuck away from that shit!!!