Want some VD

[pjbleek]

A man went to buy a pizza, and the saleslady asked him, "Do you want it cut into smaller pieces? It will be more convenient for you." The man agreed.

Then the saleslady asked him again, "Do you want it cut into six or eight pieces?"

The man answered, "Six is fine. Eight will be too many for me to eat them all."

 

[GoldDust Woman]

Not so much a joke, as it is just damn funny!

This comes from my 14 year old (funniest boy on the planet )...

"I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy...and then my face hits the mirror!" :24:

 

[Codrus]

Not so much a joke, as it is just damn funny!

This comes from my 14 year old (funniest boy on the planet )...

"I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy...and then my face hits the mirror!" :24:

AWWWCRAP!!!...COD-DAMNIT,...I just neg repped goldie from my phone...Tash or Darrell,..can you fix it?
I wanted to rep her on her new user title..(damn sausage fingers):ninja

 

[satinbutterfly]

My joke is better done in person or on the phone... but I'll give it a whirl.

What do gay horses eat?






































*said in my best flamer impression* Haaaaaaay!

 

[teh_fuzz]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome Teed Off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnoo, I'll be all right... I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in a fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted: and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside, beginning to massage him.

"How does that feel?" she asked.

"It feels great." He replied. "But my thumb still hurts like hell!".

 

[jassilem]

Q. How do you know that you've had too much to drink and shouldn't be driving?


A. When you swerve to miss the tree in the road and it turns out to be your air freshener.

 

[GoldDust Woman]

AWWWCRAP!!!...COD-DAMNIT,...I just neg repped goldie from my phone...Tash or Darrell,..can you fix it?
I wanted to rep her on her new user title.:mad.(damn sausage fingers):ninja

Cod-Damnit, is right! :mad

 

[satinbutterfly]

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times. :ninja

 

[teh_fuzz]

 

[Leananshee]

What's green and goes backwards?















































SNOOOOOOOOORT....

 

[Leananshee]

Where do lesbian eskimos go to drink?

A Klondyke bar.

 

[Natasha]

Wow...some of those were REALLY bad!!! A few of you will be getting some tokenz, though...I'll handle that when I get back from taking my nephew clothes shopping.

 

[Natasha]

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

:thumbdown

...there once was a man from Nantucket
who had a unit so long he could suck it
he said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin

:thumbdown

I saw this title and thought you were advertising venereal disease.


What do penguins wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

:thumbdown

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?


Breathe you idiot, breathe!

:thumbdown

Swine Flu

I giggled.

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

I giggled.

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

:thumbdown

and the Deliverance song plays in the background...

:thumbdown

For London Fashion Week they decided to cover the London Eye in camouflage.

I couldn't see the attraction..............

:thumbdown

And one from me for the time being:
Dear Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken my favourite celebrity Jade Goody, my favourite entertainer Michael Jackson, my favourite actor Patrick Swayze and my favourite singer Stephen Gately! Just so you know - my favourite X-Factor act are John and Edward.

Yours truly,
Simon Cowell.

:thumbdown Might have giggled if I watched X-factor...but I don't know who that act is. :dunno

A man went to buy a pizza, and the saleslady asked him, "Do you want it cut into smaller pieces? It will be more convenient for you." The man agreed.

Then the saleslady asked him again, "Do you want it cut into six or eight pieces?"

The man answered, "Six is fine. Eight will be too many for me to eat them all."

:thumbdown

Not so much a joke, as it is just damn funny!

This comes from my 14 year old (funniest boy on the planet )...

"I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy...and then my face hits the mirror!" :24:

I giggled.

*said in my best flamer impression* Haaaaaaay!

:24:

"It feels great." He replied. "But my thumb still hurts like hell!".

Heh heh. I laughed.

Q. How do you know that you've had too much to drink and shouldn't be driving?


A. When you swerve to miss the tree in the road and it turns out to be your air freshener.

:thumbdown

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times. :ninja

:thumbdown Although maybe I should give you 1/2 just for truth. Yep, I've moved on from sad to "what the fuck was I thinking!?" :24:

Tee hee!!!

SNOOOOOOOOORT....

:thumbdown

Where do lesbian eskimos go to drink?

A Klondyke bar.

Okay, I giggled.

 

[Natasha]

Some of you guys need to brush up on my sense of humor, LOL

 

[freakofnature]

I thought jassilem's joke was pretty funny, actually. :ninja

 

[Johnfromokc]

This guy is flying down the road in his Corvette and he comes over the top
of a bridge, sure enough, on the other side there is sitting a cop with a
radar gun.

The cop pulls the guy over,walks up to the car and asks "What's the
hurry?"

The guy replies, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah", says the cop, "what do you do?"

The guy responds, "I'm a rectum stretcher."

The cop says "A rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"

The guy says,"Well, I start with one finger,then I work my way up to two
fingers, then three,then four,then my whole hand,then I work until I can
get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6
foot wide"

The cop asks, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?'

The guy replies, "You give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a
bridge..."

 

[Johnfromokc]

So there's a blonde 'n a brunette riding in an elevator when it stops on the 6th floor and a man gets on. Well, they notice that he has some dandruff on his shoulder but politely decline to say anything until the man leaves two floors later. The brunette then turns to the blonde 'n says, "someone needs to give that poor guy some Head 'n Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

 

[Natasha]

The guy replies, "You give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge..."

Old one...but I've always liked it.

So there's a blonde 'n a brunette riding in an elevator when it stops on the 6th floor and a man gets on. Well, they notice that he has some dandruff on his shoulder but politely decline to say anything until the man leaves two floors later. The brunette then turns to the blonde 'n says, "someone needs to give that poor guy some Head 'n Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

Tee hee!!!

I have a problem w/ my transfer option for some reason, guys. Don't worry, I won't forget you. I'm fixing to screenshot it for Darrell and see what's going on.

 

[jassilem]

 

[jassilem]