Wakes, funerals...do you go or not?

[Mystic]

i decided not to go to a wake of someone who lost their son. i met them once, however my husband has worked with the father.

This had me thinking about what others do. My mum for instance avoids anything to do with death and dieing. Myself, i like to avoid them as much as possible just for the fact i am uncomfortable with the emotions surrounding it....i avoid it.

This wake, i thought it would be ok if i didn't go but rather i sent a lovely card expressing my sympathies, is that enough?

I'm also on the side that death should be celebrated not mourned. I'm all for a good party and talking about the great times of the person that has past. I find i cope better and deal better with death and loss when i can put a positive spin on it and then it doesn't eat me alive from the inside out. How do you coupe?

 

[JoeCool10]

I hate them, but seeing as it's my last chance to see them and say goodbye, I go. I lost my grandmother a week before I had my son and ended up going, completely torn inside. I understand your reasoning completely.

 

[jassilem]

I don' t like going to wakes or funerals but I do go, only if it's someone close to me or someone I have known for years.. It helps with the closure process in my mind anyway.

I am more of a have a party in my honour when I die kinda thing.

 

[Aries]

I go when I am close to the person or one of their family members. Otherwise, like you, I send a card of sympathy, flowers or a donation.

 

[retro]

I usually go to funerals of family members or close family friends. The last one was my grandma's in 2007... which was stressful as hell because I flew out from Texas to be there for it, and then spent the entire service standing in the back with my uncles in case my crazy former aunt showed up.

I refuse to look in open caskets though... there's just something way too weird about that for me.

 

[anathelia]

I've only been to a handful of funerals in my life, but then again, not many people close to me have passed away.

I think I'd only really feel inclined to go if it's family or a close friend. I have trouble expressing my emotions properly most of the time, and so funerals can be awkward. I'd rather send a card expressing my sympathies.

 

[Springsteen]

I only go if they were family or close friends. I don't like to go to other people's, feels like I'm intruding.

 

[AUDRAA]

Im with alot of others here, depends on the person. I try to avoid them if I can though I hate them also

 

[Darrell]

If I am close to the person I will go.

 

[Francis]

I go if I am invited because I feel the person has requested my attendance for a reason..

If anything you are showing respect for a life that has passed. You may hardly know the person and usually that will not really affect as much as it would if it's a very close relative / family member but it will comfort the person who just lost that loved one.. Just your presence is usually enough to make a great impact.

In the world we live in, many of us have moved far away from people who cannot just jump on a plane and attend a funeral for obvious reasons.. Imagine going to your Mom / Dad or SO wake and there was only 2 people there because all the others had only met them once, twice or felt he was just a someone they casually knew..

 

[Mystic]

I only go if they were family or close friends. I don't like to go to other people's, feels like I'm intruding.

thats more of how i felt about this one...i'm not sure if my hubby went or not...but yes intruding is certainly more of how i would have felt had i gone.





I'm like the rest of you, family and close friends i will go, but something like today always leaves me wondering.:nod:

 

[rback33]

I go if it is close friends or family or if I am good friends with a family member and get the impression they want me there. I have been to WAY more funerals lately than I care to admit. The last one being my grandpa, whom I was very close to, in January.

 

[Dana]

i was supposed to go to a funeral last weekend but didn't. I've been to funerals and wakes tho.

 

[NoDak]

i decided not to go to a wake of someone who lost their son. i met them once, however my husband has worked with the father.

This had me thinking about what others do. My mum for instance avoids anything to do with death and dieing. Myself, i like to avoid them as much as possible just for the fact i am uncomfortable with the emotions surrounding it....i avoid it.

This wake, i thought it would be ok if i didn't go but rather i sent a lovely card expressing my sympathies, is that enough?

In this case, what you did was quite enough as you aren't close to the deceased or the family.

I don' t like going to wakes or funerals but I do go, only if it's someone close to me or someone I have known for years.. It helps with the closure process in my mind anyway.

I am more of a have a party in my honour when I die kinda thing.

I go when I am close to the person or one of their family members. Otherwise, like you, I send a card of sympathy, flowers or a donation.

If you're friends with any of the family members of the deceased, you should go to the wake, if not the funeral. Having lost several close family members, it's a great comfort to see who came even if they don't know the loved one well. I believe we should be there for the living as much as the dead.
All of you have valid points for feeling the way they do, but, the family left behind should be thought of when making your decision.

 

[NY Tall Guy]

my mom always kept me away from wakes and funerals when I was younger while my father wanted me to pay my respects...I think my mom didn't want me to experience the notion of death yet and maybe wasn't sure how I would take it all in at such a tender young age...my father got all pissed off about it, cause I was from a large Italian family, so respect is big deal, as it is in any culture...but I think my mom simply was looking out for my best interests really...at that age, I didn't really know who half of my relatives were to begin with anyway..only saw the majority of them at weddings...so to go just for the sake of going made no sense...but then I started working for a billing office...and after 9 years you get to know people really well...seeing these people more than your own families..and we all stick together when things happen to each other..so I started going and paying my respects...cause I really knew these people...worked with them day in and day out....worked with one woman who was going through cancer right in front of our very eyes...and she still showed up everyday to work and only took off when she had to go for chemo....she later just put in her notice...and then came in and picked up her belongings and bascially said goobye to everyone cause she knew her time was coming...another guy worked until a week before he passed..and he went through cancer too....and he could hardly walk and was purple...and then the next week he was gone....my best buddy's baby passed away after 45 days...THAT was rough...so nowadays I go and pay my respects...cause at my age now, I can fully grasp what it all means and comprehend and understand it all better than if I was younger and not in control of my emotions and thought processes.

 

[Peter Parka]

Funny this thread should come up, I was at my uncles funeral today. I actually found the wake a bit overwhelming, having to talk to all these relatives I haven't seen for years or cant remember, taking the piss out of someone who ended up being some cousins wife ect. :willy_nilly:
The best part was when I decided to have a little smoke round the corner to chill out a bit :ninja and finding my 83 year old aunt whose husband had just died round there too with the same idea. We had a little chat and smoke and it was nice being away from the party for a bit.:thumbup

 

[NuckingFuts]

I have only had to go to 2 of them.

 

[RedRyder]

Like most of the others here..... I almost always go for family and friends. Almost because if they live too far away (out of state/country) I can't.

If I didn't know the person at all..... I feel uncomfortable going..... but will do so at times for a friend or family member that knew the person if they asked me to and needed my support.

 

[AstriaPorta]

Not a pleasant place to be but i go if i have too

 

[Natasha]

I only go to the wake if I knew the person very well. I always felt that wakes were for closer friends and family to be there to support the deceased's loved ones. I will go to a funeral in a heartbeat to support a friend or if I knew the person socially. I agree w/ retro about open caskets...I don't do them well and try to avoid them at all costs. I didn't look at my granny or the woman I called my "adopted grandmother" b/c I wanted to remember them the way they were when they were alive. And I have always regretted looking at my brother's bestfriend who committed suicide.