Unsent letters

[Kat]

If you have anything to say feel free to post it up...anything you never said and wished you had...or something you want to say...but never seem to find the words. Please to keep this place nice...no letters about another member no flaming

There will be absolutely no post whoring allowed in this thread...all pw posts will be deleted.

if you want to comment on someones letter feel free. But no bashing as always. Thanks

this thread will remain open for comments...if any members have a letter they wish to post but not have comments on feel free to pm me and i can create a locked thread for those types of letters too (yeah yeah one duplicate thread)

~hopefully some people will take advantage of this thread...and maybe in a way it will help them~

 

[Kat]

B,
I wonder so many times how things fell so far away from what i used to see in you. I wonder when exactly the point came that we fell apart. I try...but I find myself resentful and angry most days now...and unable to bite my tongue on even the simplest things. Once I used to love that you joked about everything, now....it just pisses me off cause i can never be serious about anything with you.

You say our familys are so different, that its too much for me to hope that they can ever get together on the holidays or the simplest thing...on our daughters birthday. That we come from 2 different worlds. So how do we work together then? Or are we just trying to force 2 pieces of the puzzle together that just dont fit?

So many things have me angry...and resentful now. I dont even know where to start. Maybe way back when...you told me you loved me but someone else too...no. Not really that. I made the choice to try to fight for you. But you...when you made a commitment to me when i was pregnant and then couldnt tell her to f*** off...You didnt want to be a jerk to her so you were a jerk to me instead.
Or was it all the nights we were fighting and you or both of us were drunk...all the times you used my fears (that i told you in confidence trusting) all the times you threw those back in my face. Or maybe it was when you questioned if she was yours....right up till the day she was born...when i gave you no reason to doubt me. Maybe its the fact that you expect me to cover my arms when we go out somewhere...when i wear the shirt i feel the best in and you stare at them and ask with an almost disgusted look in your eyes..."youre wearing that?"

I could break it down to the simplest thing and say no...its the fact that you expect me to clean the house, care for the baby 24/7, wash your laundry...go to the store everytime you need beer even if i dont want to...the fact that you expect me to jump up and get you another one from the fridge as soon as you ask even if im comfortable...Or even the fact that on your days off...you sit in front of the tv all day not waking up till about 1 or 2...you never have any interest in doing anything with us...never go out of your way to turn off the tv and focus on your family. That the baby is almost a year old now and not once since she was born have you ever given me a whole day off...the few days youve taken her in the morning so i can sleep in...i always have to fight you for....its never easy...cause oh wait i remember...you work and i dont so i dont need a day off.

and yet you dont do anything in return...yeah you pay the bills pay for food...and i appreciate that...but i am trapped in this house...this small studio apt. i can use the car when you want me to go to the store for you...i have to beg you for money when i want to get something...I dont even have any clothes that really fit me...besides the baggy guy shirts you got me.

So i continue to sit here and wonder....where did i go wrong...what happened to the man i used to love? the one who held me while i slept...now i sit here crying most nights cause i cant even remember the last time you slept in the same bed as me...

always an excuse...always a reason...

yes i am in the wrong too here...but when i tell you over and over again that something is bothering me in a big way...and you dont seem to care...what am i supposed to think....when i try talking to you and you just sit there not responding...what am i supposed to do. It leads me to lashing out and getting angry with you and i know thats not fun for you...but tell me really can you blame me for being angry?

All I know is this is not love. This is not what its supposed to feel like. And I dont want k. growing up thinking it is the way its supposed to be. She deserves better...and so do I.

Part of me is scared to leave you. if its the right choice...i dont know what to think when it comes to us anymore...plus I dont have a car...I dont have a job...I dont have the first clue as to what im going to do or how. Though I know i have my mom to help me...i worry about putting that on her....and i think sometimes you know that...are you so sure i will stay here no matter how much you walk over me? if so....its boiling down to you've got another thing coming.

I fell in love with you once upon a time....but that seems so very long ago...now most days... it just feels like a twisted fairytale

 

[Sam]

sentimental .....

 

[NuckingFuts]

A... I have to tell you even though you will never read this. I do still love you and I wish and hope that we will work things out. I just get so frustrated not being in the house, and not being able to take any involvement in the family counciling. You are always saying that you want to work things out. You say that you told the councelor that we all need to be involved in the counceling sessions. But you all have seen her at least five times. I have no Idea what is said I am not going to ask. I feel that in order to mend this broken home we need to be doing this together. I really do not know what to think. I have run our situation by several people and I have gotten mixed feelings from all. We have been together way to long to just stop now. All the things that I promised in the begining of the relationship. I still believe in. I need your help and you need mine. Please dont give up on our family. I will not give up on any of you... I love you thank you for listening.

 

[Mrs Behavin]

R.....
I dont even know where to start. I guess I will start off by saying that if I knew 10 years ago that you would turn and change like you have now, I never would have married you. Seems to be the only good thing that has come out of this marriage is 3 beautiful kids.
Things use to be good between us. But the past 2 years have been a nightmare for me. I never once gave up on this marriage, I fought for it tooth and nail, gave it 110% but I havent gotten much of any effort back from you. Your too wrapped up in your friend Levi and his girlfriend, always trying to please them, always always always with him every single weekend and just about every day of the week as well. While me and the kids have been placed on the back burner. Well guess what? Me and the kids are getting off that back burner and moving on. I have put up with this way longer than I should have and things have gone from bad to worse. How do you think it makes me feel when you wont even touch me, very rarely even kiss me and when you do its only on my way out the door to go to work. Its been almost a year since we have been intimate with each other. And all because you say your tired of riding a moped and want to ride a gixxor. I am so sorry that Im not a supermodel or look like those girls you look at in your porn collection. Or how do you think it makes me feel to hear you tell me Im a b**** more than you have told me you love me in the past year? Makes me feel like Im worthless. You have made me feel so low about myself that at this point in my life, I feel like no other man would want to be with me because of all my "faults" that you are constantly pointing out to me.
You are sooo nice to everyone. Boy have you got everyone else fooled. If only some of these people on the outside could be a fly on the wall for one day around here and see just how you treat me. They just dont even have a clue. Your family was pretty upset that you didnt even come to your daughters birthday party because you and Levi were "goofing" off together. I broke down at her party and was crying on your aunts shoulder. I told her Im not waiting around anymore. They have even seen a change in you. Maybe one day you will wake up and realize what you just threw out the door, but by then it will be too late.

 

[Whitten]

G...

Words cannot say how much I love you. We've been side-by-side, shoulder-to-shoulder, heart-to-heart for almost 16 years and I've loved it all. Ever since the day you were born, and maybe even before that, you were my best friend, my hero, the sunshine in the rain, and perhaps the core of my world. I hope to God that you saw me that way, too. I still savor every happy memory, cringe at every bad one, laugh at the hilarious, long for your bright, optimistic smile and most of all, adore you as a sister. Even though you're long gone and I miss you to death, I'm also content, because I know with you up there, there won't be anymore tears in Heaven.

 

[SouthOfHeaven]

K..

I know you are too young to undersand the amount of love and admiration I have for you. But by the time you read this I hope you can. I will never ever in my life forget the day you came into this world.. It was scary .. I'll admit that.. I was soo scared I never left that window.. I just sat there.. for almost 2 days.. slept there.. I was so worried but you proved as you will prove throughout the rest of your life that you have a strong will and a determination I have yet to see matched in ANYONE. The letter that I have been carrying in my purse is now almost 5 years old... and wow what a wonderful 5 years it has been.. from feeding you whe you were just a month old to watching you play with yoru siderman you just got yesterday. You are truly an angel K.. You mean absoloutely EVERYTHING TO ME.. little to no people know how much you truely mean to me.. Kaden you saved my life.. before you came along I thought there was no real reason for me to be here.. no reason to keep on.. I didn't give a shit what happened to me.. or what damage I caused to myself... Matter of fac.. i tried to cause damage to myself .. Kaden I tried to seriously rid the world of myself.. and it almost worked.. When I heard mom say she was pregnant.. omg I was a whirl wind of emotions.. was I going to be a good sister to someone that much younger then me? would i be a good mentor or would I fall flat on my ass? .. Kaden I wanted to be there to watch you grow up.. to see you smile and make sure you didn't have to EVER feel the way I did.. YOU SAVED MY LIFE and I will never forget it.. I love you... and ALWAYS WILL!

 

[GraceAbounds]

The tears want to just keep flowing. They don't seem to want to go away. The way you blindly refuse to see how selfish and cruel you are cuts my soul; makes me bleed. I stand firm in God's will. And though this place I stand feels like a whipping post, I pray that in the midst of my pain that I can fight back the urge to lash out and be angry. I pray that I am emulating light into your darkness. I love you. Please stop hurting yourself with your destructive behavior. Love yourself spiritually and stop being prideful so that you can stop hurting me when you say that you don't mean to.

 

[Boomer]

Ok, this isnt from me. Its from someone else, to someone else. Dont shoot the messenger kinda shit crackin, yadidda?

Here's teh letter.


I can't believe how selfish you are. Even worse is I can't believe how long it took me to see it. I sure do wish I had noticed sooner because it would've changed a lot of things.

You don't care about me as much as I thought you did. Or even as much as you think you do. And it hurts. You probably don't even realize it, but it's obvious in little ways every single day.

And of course, if I try to point it out, it'd all be my fault. No blame on your side, like usual. I get all the blame for everything and no say in anything. Your way, all the time.

You have no respect for what I've given up for you. You just expect it. Like everyone is here to serve you.

I'm done with it. Either things change or I'm gone.

Of course I could be completely wrong, maybe I'm looking at this too emotionally. So, just to make sure, here's a little challenge. Name the last thing you did that was solely for me. It can't be something that helped you too. Just the last thing you did for me.

Don't worry, I'm not holding my breath.

 

[Boomer]

I can't believe you havent called me. When you were my counselor at summer camp and told me you would buy me the new stretch armstrong if I touched your tenders, I thought you loved me. You were the closest thing I've had to a father and now you dont even call or write. When you told me I could have any toy from walmart as long as I let you have my underwear, I thought you really cared. I guess thats all in the past. I hate you.

 

[NuckingFuts]

A... I am so tired of feeling like you dont want anything to do with me. You want us to all go to counciling together. We do. You ask that I dont discipline the kid, because they will end up resenting me, and I let you handle it. Lately when I am around you I feel like you dont even want to be around me. Hell I havent lived in our house since August of 07, and I have spent the night there maybe 8 times since. I asked on tuesday if I could stay tonight, you couldn't give me an answer. Well I am not there. I really need you to evaluate our whatever you want to call this. And what you want from me and this. Let me know because this is really fucked up the way I am being treated. We have a kid together. So we need to find some way of working things out. Or you have to let me go. I love you.

 

[MMMMatilde]

D...

I miss you.. I wish you were here.. I need you

 

[livvy7678]

M...

I miss you so much. Everybody thinks they understand but they don't know how much I am missing. I have spent the past 2 weeks crying as I miss you so much even though you left in August last year. I just need to hear your voice, but I know that will never happen.

 

[COOL_BREEZE2]

Dear ......

Wow, it keeps getting better and better.

 

[Jersey]

T,
For 10 years and 3 months, I have known you were my guardian angel. You are my absolute best friend, who was taken away from me way too early. Thank you for having her finally come up and apologize for what she did to me all those years ago. I love you, and you know not a day goes by I dont think of you. You deserve an extra long visit tomorrow. It'll be cold- I'll bring you a cup of D&D so I can chat about the events of the past few days, particularly tonight. I love you.. This apology could not have come at a better time for me. I'll bring our book as well..I havent looked at our pictures since your birthday. I love you, I love you, I love and thank you. See you tomorrow

Your bestest friend,
Hedda

 

[boxer810]

T--

I sit here and wonder where to start with this. This is hard for me because in writing this unsent letter I am admitting that I let you get to me. When I first became aware of you I have to admit, I didn't really pay that much attention to you. You and I were civil, friendly. Then one day it became something more. We began talking more and more and words on the computer screen became words spoken on the phone. You were like a ray of shining hope in my darkened world of love. You understood me, and you enjoyed all my little quirks. Our conversations were long and they flowed smoothly, never any awkward silences or breaks in conversation. As time moved on I allowed myself to hope that you were the real thing. Even though our distance apart was great, you reassured me that it would be okay, we'd work it out. You allowed me the hope that the things you told me late at night were the truth, and that one day we could be together. I began to believe in love again. Even though I did not yet love you, I was falling. You were too good to be true. Your lies and deceit finally caught up with you. All the things that I had worried over came crashing down on me that night you called me. You coldly told me you'd never talk to me again, and thought you'd get away without an explanation. No explanation would have been better than what you told me. Staying in the dark would have been easier. At least that way I could still hold onto the knowledge that you cared about me. Lies, all lies. You never cared. You talked to me and told me all those things all the while knowing you were going home to HER. I feel sorry for her, she doesn't know what a slimy bastard of a boyfriend she has. And I feel sorry for your son, because eventually your deceitful ways will catch up with you, and he'll be the one to suffer. You got inside my head, and my heart, you made me believe that you cared about me and that you wanted us to be together. In reality all I was to you was something to fill your idle time. I hope that she hurts you again. I hope that she finds out about me, and I hope she kicks your sorry ass right out of her life. This letter is the closing chapter in the book of Us. I just wanted you to know that even though you think you got away with this scott-free, it will come back to you. I hope you enjoyed it.

 

[Breath]

.......

 

[Kat]

To B. and a little to myself,

I hate what you did to me. You made my mind and emotions a battlefield. You used my body as your own personal punching bag...or caged animal. Since usually it was only a threat...how far will to push before that fist doesnt just raise anymore? How many more times could I cry out to you to just love me....for me. ANd put me ahead of any other girls.


It destroyed something in me....almost completly. It still troubles me sometimes though....That still small voice that has echoed for years in my head. .....am I enough?

Thats something that never really goes away, isnt it? A part of me so lost....even now....that I cant seem to get things quiet right.

The fears, uncertanties, wondering. Not wanting to go back to that silence again. How is it that its so easy to crush things....but try to build them back seems damn near impossible sometimes.


Please dont be.....such a simple thing for me to ask of him....something I shouldnt have to ask....I shouldnt have to fear.....

please dont be like all of them.

Mean it when you say my past doesnt matter, mean it when you say you love me even as flawed as I am. Mean it when you call me velcro with that look in your eyes.

So simple....so small request...please dont


then the song pops into my head...

Please dont say I love you...those words touch me way too deeply.....

 

[Xeno]

(To: Heaven)

(From: Earth)​

I do not know what to say to be quite honest. I am sure you know I am sorry for what had happened. I am sure you know I love you and still do till this very day. I would say I miss you, but that seems a bit underrated in a sense. It is more than that and unexplainable at times. I am doing my best to enjoy the little things in life. I still cherish the things you left behind and I often wonder how our "little one" is doing. Has he grown? Does he call me Daddy? Can he see me? Can you see me? I find myself conflicted in this world without you. I have done so many things that are wrong since losing you and I am doing my best to gain redemption for my mistakes. I am doing my best to "save" those on life's road whom seem lost or have stopped. I have opened my heart to everyone in this world and I have opened my mind as well. Your parents still hate me. I do not blame them though. How can I? I hope you are not upset with them for blaming me either. It is quite alright. I understand. Please...give me some sign this weekend that you can hear me. I know it is a lot to ask for, but I really need this to be quite honest. I miss your hugs. I miss your kisses. I miss how you use to brush through my hair with your fingers. It must be beautiful up there, huh? At least I know both of you are in a good place. I do not know if I will ever make it there though. I am trying my best. If I do not make it up there then please do me a favor. Just one favor. Do not let our son ever become like me if the both of you happen to get a "second" chance at life. Tell him this world is filled with love and all he has to do is use his heart as his guide. When all seems lost. When life seems to be cruel...just have hope. Believe in the hearts of those around you, son. I shall always miss the both of you. A couple of weeks ago I planted some Blue Roses by your graves. I hope you both like them. Do not worry about me so much though. I shall continue to do good in this world. Besides...I know it is what both of you would have wanted from me in the end. Farewell, my loved ones. Till we meet once again.​

 

[Kat]

~ R
You know its kinda funny. Yesterday I felt true pain. Agonizing...made everything else in my life dwindle down to nothing compared to this. My soul was torn from my body. How do you recover from that?

I think things are going back. But that void is still there. Now do I truly know what it means to break. You did nothing wrong. Got closure fine. But you hid it from me. Now what do I do? I was sneaky invaded your privacy. But ya know what! There shouldnt be anything to hide.

Neither right...neither wrong. But hopelessly torn.

I cant even whisper the words outloud right now. I took a step outside my body. My emotions are frozen. Its the first time I havent known how to feel. Odd really.

You are amazing in so many ways. You made a family out of us. No hesitation no exceptions. You are so much fun to be around. Mostly you get me. Like no one else ever has. But sometimes....you dont understand at all. Silly insecurties you say...the past is haunting is all I can say. Still more good...everyday i love waking up to you. But has that all changed now? I know some things need to change with me. But will I lose myself in the process? Always being the one to give in. to change to suit you? I think thats what scares me most.

But yesterday...ya know when my soul was torn out....Yesterday I would have given anything to stay with you. When you said those words...That was the breaking point. It was like this great big giant flash...and then nothing but overwhelming pain. I heard the crack.

What now? how do you truly feel? Im scared...hurt...alone...I want to know if im the only one. I want to know where do I/we go from here. Lost doesnt even begin to describe it. I'll take honest pain...over betrayal.

You promised me forever....but almost let it go. What now? my heart drags me to the ground.