Ugh, seriously!?

[Natasha]

Sure, a parent has the right to be selfish and share those first alone w/ their children. I will say, though, that I couldn't tell you any specific details of the first time my parents came to eat lunch w/ me at school although I do remember them doing so. Maybe it was more memorable for them...I just remember being excited that they were coming to eat lunch w/ me.

Bottom line, though, is that if it's not what you want then you're going to have to come straight out and tell her "look, I want this to be something me and Jace share alone...maybe you can come some other time." I don't see any indication in the OP that it's been addressed w/ the MIL yet, so that's got to be the first step. Just my 2 cents. I hope it all works out.

 

[freakofnature]

Personally, I think the best solution to this problem is for KLD to grab her son and make a mad dash for the border.

 

[Francis]

MIL sent me a message asking who Jace's teacher was. i told her and asked why. she said she wanted to know when they were doing the Thanksgiving lunch. i told her its thursday, but they already sent home the RSVP paper last week, and i already RSVP'd with one (me) going. she said she already called the school and they told her it was ok for her to go.

um NO, its not! he's MY son, this is his 1st year in school, let me indulge in this! she's already had her experiences with her 3 kids, let me have mine! next year, yeah she can go. this year, his 1st year, no! i mean, you could have asked me if i was OK with it first!

She almost did the same thing the 1st day of school, wanted to be there, but she at least asked first. she got a 'no' for an answer. i mean, gah woman!

You mention the MIL but what about the FIL...

Is she still with husband.. Maybe she sees this as an opportunity to meet a new love at an event others will be attending :24:

 

[alice in chains]

in laws generally do things like this because they have a fear of facing that they dont have the powerful parent figure anymore or the influences they once had. its really that simple and you can actually see in laws in a new light if this kinda stuff can get into the open.

 

[darkcgi]

So right tore my marriage up

 

[Pumpkin]

I don't have kids so maybe I'm just clueless...but what exactly is bad about a grandparent wanting to spend time w/ their grandchild??? I mean, it's not like it's some kind of super special occassion, right??? I agree she overstepped her boundaries by calling the school before talking to you, but I don't see the big deal w/ her wanting to be there for something like that.

I agree you with this!

She shouldn't have gone behind your back and called the school but whats so wrong with her wanting to be there in the first place? The more people who love and want to be a part of your childs life the better. No one is denying you as a parent, she is a grandmother who wants to be a apart of his life!

 

[KLD1019]

You mention the MIL but what about the FIL...

Is she still with husband.. Maybe she sees this as an opportunity to meet a new love at an event others will be attending :24:

she had an affair on FIL 8/9 years ago right before me and hubby first met. it was a NAAAASTY divorce. she's already on her 3rd marriage

 

[Panacea]

I agree you with this!

She shouldn't have gone behind your back and called the school but whats so wrong with her wanting to be there in the first place? The more people who love and want to be a part of your childs life the better. No one is denying you as a parent, she is a grandmother who wants to be a apart of his life!

I think clearly the situation is a little different than just a loving grandma, based on the fact she felt she needed to sneak around and call the school for authorization in the first place. A regular ol' loving grandma would likely be invited! Seems like there are resentments.

 

[AstriaPorta]

It is good that grand parents want to be involved but need to ask the parents first ..

mine didnt bother to get involved in my son school only if we asked her sometimes to pick him up and that is very very few times but she ruin a lot of other things .. and you never forget it because you missed something
example when we cut the first birthday cake for my son .. we were all at the table and she sit there with my son and the rest of some other peole most my husband sisters.. they looked like they push me out and when i went to bring something from the kitchen because no one was helping they cut the cake then while i was not near..

just remember what you will miss will never go away better be rude and tell her..

 

[KLD1019]

I think clearly the situation is a little different than just a loving grandma, based on the fact she felt she needed to sneak around and call the school for authorization in the first place. A regular ol' loving grandma would likely be invited! Seems like there are resentments.

:shesaid
if i wanted her to be there, i would have asked last week when i got the RSVP note. and when i told her i already RSVP'd with 1 (me), she took it into her own hands by already calling the school. when really she should have said "oh, i was wanting to go too. could you ask and see if you can add one more?" if i hadnt asked her why she wanted his teachers name, i would have never known what she had done until tomorrow at lunch!

 

[darkcgi]

oh man yep thats whats she is doing
and by the looks of your man with the camo she is a country woman too
bad news

 

[Pumpkin]

:shesaid
if i wanted her to be there, i would have asked last week when i got the RSVP note. and when i told her i already RSVP'd with 1 (me), she took it into her own hands by already calling the school. when really she should have said "oh, i was wanting to go too. could you ask and see if you can add one more?" if i hadnt asked her why she wanted his teachers name, i would have never known what she had done until tomorrow at lunch!

Oh I completely agree that contacting the school herself was totally over stepping the boundaries, but maybe she knew you would say no (still doesn't justify it though) and this is important to her?

But its true, we dont know the full situation or how your relationships are. Just in a normal situation, I don't see anything wrong with grandparents wanting to be involved in their grandchildrens 'firsts'

 

[Francis]

OK I know I made a joke but seriously here is my view on it..

I completely agree with you that she over stepped her bounds for more than just your right to spend time with your son. I think the issue here is not only having the pride of being there with you child but the stress of having any other family member around that really don't need to be there for this first time.

I must say my Ex had it great in that respect.. My Mom was always respectful of her and when asked my Mom would go see my Ex's daughter as a last minute "fill in" for her (our) daughter which was often.. My Daughter's brightest memory is of GrandMa going to see her music concert in grade 6, when "Mom" did not have the time to see "Daughter" and I was out of town, as a last minute request by my Ex to my mom.

Our daughter had a smile from ear to ear when she said she could see GrandMa smiling in the crowd..