trust issues or jealously

[butterflylover]

I asked my bf last week if I could have guy friends,he flew off the handle accusing me of cheating on him by asking me if I was going to cheat on him now,and he even asked me if I had a guy coming over to my house and spending the night and if so please dump me now,I would never ever cheat on my bf,in your opinion is this trust issues or jealousy?I don't see any problem with it as long as their just friends,also this could be a factor,my bf lives 3 hrs away from me,so we communicate with each other all the time.

 

[AUFred]

That is an age old thing. Hard to have friendships with someone of the opposite gender when you are in a relationship. Someone is usually looking for more than a friendship. Jealousy is not a good thing but is a fact of life. Trust issues have to be worked through over time.

 

[MMMMatilde]

James has a real issue with me having male friends. I think it is a bit of a trust issue, not that he doesn't trust me - more that he finds it hard to trust that a male and female can be friends with no other intentions from at least one of the parties involved.

Trust is almost something to do with how they rely on somebody to act and jealousy is more just an emotion they feel, an uneasiness.

 

[porterjack]

if you have to ask if they mind it almost like asking permission - no-0ne needs permission to have friends

there is a definite trust issue, if they don't trust you cannot have a full relationship...Men can be such boys

 

[Natasha]

Sounds like both, IMO Jealousy caused by trust issues, maybe? Did his ex cheat on him?

I have male friends and Jaime doesn't have a problem with it. He knows that I go to see my friend, Tom's, band play and that I go to parties at his house. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever even bothered to tell him that Tom is gay.

Having said that, a guy that I went on one date with last year asked me to hang out with him "just as friends" not too long ago. I was going to at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be disrespectful to Jaime and our relationship. So I never did hang out with the guy. Not because Jaime didn't want me to (I didn't even mention it to him), but b/c I didn't want to disrespect what we have when I know this other guy is interested in more.

 

[Joe the meek]

I asked my bf last week if I could have guy friends,he flew off the handle accusing me of cheating on him by asking me if I was going to cheat on him now,and he even asked me if I had a guy coming over to my house and spending the night and if so please dump me now,I would never ever cheat on my bf,in your opinion is this trust issues or jealousy?I don't see any problem with it as long as their just friends,also this could be a factor,my bf lives 3 hrs away from me,so we communicate with each other all the time.

The fact you had to ask scares me personally.

Sounds like your BF has serious self esteem issues that helps create the jelousy issues.

How long have you been dating? How old are both of you?

I did the 1.5hr commute with one girl, after a period of time, it's time to figure out where the relationship is going and who is making what changes or it's time for a new relationship.

 

[The Man]

Please dont be offended...but it sounds like you are owned

 

[wrwarren112233]

I asked my bf last week if I could have guy friends,he flew off the handle accusing me of cheating on him by asking me if I was going to cheat on him now,and he even asked me if I had a guy coming over to my house and spending the night and if so please dump me now,I would never ever cheat on my bf,in your opinion is this trust issues or jealousy?I don't see any problem with it as long as their just friends,also this could be a factor,my bf lives 3 hrs away from me,so we communicate with each other all the time.

I was in a long distance relationship for 3years before moving in together .......kids blah blah blah.

Krissy was at uni for that time and if I knew she lived with a male for that time. He had friends over etc. He was dating someone else that lived there but if I didn't know that I would have felt uneasy about it. It would be the man he doesn't trust. Men are driven by sex and attraction. That's what we are made for.
It's a very primitive emotion for men. It's a Alfa male thing. We are breeding machines!!! Like it or not.
Ever male would be jealous and intimidated by it. Unless he met him and felt he wasn't a threat by appearance, or he was gay.
That can make a very gentle man do crazy things.

If he trust you (which I assume he does)
He might just put his Alfa male ego under his bed and remember what year it is and we ain't primates anymore.

Just assure him!!!!
His ego will be hurting!! I've been there lol.

 

[Joe the meek]

He might just put his Alfa male ego under his bed and remember what year it is and we ain't primates anymore.

The way you write and think, I'm not so certain you don't believe we aren't primates:waving:

 

[wrwarren112233]

The way you write and think, I'm not so certain you don't believe we aren't primates:waving:

Writing has never been my strong point. Especially When I've got a point to make.

 

[Joe the meek]

Point well taken.

I would however respectfully argue that not all men are "driven by sex and attraction. That's what we're made for."

You also state that we're (men) are "breeding machines!!! Like it or not", but then end your premise with "we ain't primates anymore." which in my opinion is contradictory.

I don't think you'll find any two grown adults who don't like sex.

There is a reason why I asked how long they have been dating, as well as how old they both are.

 

[BadBoy]

I asked my bf last week if I could have guy friends,he flew off the handle accusing me of cheating on him by asking me if I was going to cheat on him now,and he even asked me if I had a guy coming over to my house and spending the night and if so please dump me now,I would never ever cheat on my bf,in your opinion is this trust issues or jealousy?I don't see any problem with it as long as their just friends,also this could be a factor,my bf lives 3 hrs away from me,so we communicate with each other all the time.

Usually, and I mean usually, when someone reacts like this it means they are guilty of the accusations. How could he be so creative with that reaction? What have you done to ever warrant a response like this? That would be questions I would be asking.

This may be harsh, but he is not the one for you. If he wants to control you on this issue, what is next? Jealousy is one thing, but flying off the handle and not trusting you is a bad sign. Trust your gut though!

FWIW and probably not even worth .02.

 

[Mockingbird]

I think anyone, male or female should be able to be friends with anyone they want, of any sex. And quite frankly till they put a ring on it it should be understood that could include going on a date. I know relationships are suppose to be about being all exclusive and stuff, but honestly this I think is where things go awry. 3 hours away is not to far, but it is also not to close either. Maybe a bit to far apart for an exclusive relationship. If you are apart for school and your relationship is strong and healthy then it shouldn't matter who you are hanging around and what your doing. Sounds like maybe he is insecure?

 

[Rhodolite]

Seems like a mix of things. First off yeah seems like trust issues, secondly yes there's definitely jealousy and third of all, the one that has me most worried is the possessiveness. If he can't handle the fact that you have friends of either gender tends to be a warning sign that there will be issues down the road because if you can't have trust, then there's no point in being in a relationship to begin with. He's always going to wonder, even if you assure him and if he has that kind of problem then that can lead to possessiveness which leads to very dangerous situations that ends up being on shows like Forensic Files.

 

[missbishi]

My partner doesn't have a problem with me having male friends at all. I've always been a bit of a tomboy and he knows that to my male friends, I'm just "one of the boys"! You need to have the trust there inorder for a relationship to succeed.

 

[elles-belles]

Wow, a bit of sticky situation you find yourself in there dear. I would say that your boyfriend may have both trust issues and jealousy and it might be because of his past experiences. It seems like you have a good thing going except that he doesn't obviously trust that a guy would just want to be friends with you and nothing else. I also think that it might come from the fact that he finds it hard to have female friends himself out of fear that one thing will surely led to another.

Jealousy on the other hand is a normal thing but needs to be at reasonable limits and not malicious in any shape or form. He seems to have a few insecurities there and lacks some confidence as well as might not believe that your love is genuine enough to last or even endure any outside interference. I would advice that you reassure him but also tell him that you are an individual who would like to keep the company of male friends without being accused or second guessed at every corner. Be considerate but firm when you have the talk.

All the best with it.

 

[Muthoni]

I asked my bf last week if I could have guy friends,he flew off the handle accusing me of cheating on him by asking me if I was going to cheat on him now,and he even asked me if I had a guy coming over to my house and spending the night and if so please dump me now,I would never ever cheat on my bf,in your opinion is this trust issues or jealousy?I don't see any problem with it as long as their just friends,also this could be a factor,my bf lives 3 hrs away from me,so we communicate with each other all the time.

I think that your bf is insecure and is afraid that one of the guys who comes to visit you may become more than a friend. Since he lives away from you he may be jealous that some other guy is having fun with you while he is away missing you. Relationships are complicated and each one is different.

 

[azrmacc]

It's definitely trust issues. If it was jealousy, he'd just be plain pissed off, but to the point of accusing you immediately? There's some strong distrust over there towards you. Or maybe, he's just paranoid. Distance shouldn't be a reason for this, this is coming from someone who has been in a long distance relationship - countries apart. We never had a problem like that. If, like you say, you're communicating regularly, then he's most likely distrusful and paranoid.