ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! ( i laughed so hard I cried)
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy whopurchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shopthat sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I waslooking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across wasa 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer weresupposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought ithome. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the buttonand pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc ofelectricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spotis on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myselfthat it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? ThereI sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to trythis thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thoughtabout zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. Sheis such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife toprotect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would workas advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my readingglasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shockand disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause musclespasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst wouldpurportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possibleway!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best....?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked toone side as to say, 'don't do it ' reasoning that a one second burst from sucha tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself aone second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHATTHE ...... !!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over andover and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetalposition, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in theoddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds Ihad never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above thefireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body floppingall over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zapyourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from yourhand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would beconsidered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relativething at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up andsurveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of thefireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where itoriginally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sureand my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which Ibelieve came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering asignificant reward for their safe return!
P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved thegift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! ( i laughed so hard I cried)
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy whopurchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shopthat sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I waslooking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across wasa 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer weresupposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought ithome. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the buttonand pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc ofelectricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spotis on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myselfthat it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? ThereI sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to trythis thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thoughtabout zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. Sheis such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife toprotect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would workas advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my readingglasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shockand disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause musclespasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst wouldpurportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possibleway!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best....?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked toone side as to say, 'don't do it ' reasoning that a one second burst from sucha tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself aone second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh,pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHATTHE ...... !!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over andover and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetalposition, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in theoddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds Ihad never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above thefireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body floppingall over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer,one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zapyourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from yourhand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would beconsidered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relativething at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up andsurveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of thefireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where itoriginally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sureand my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which Ibelieve came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering asignificant reward for their safe return!
P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved thegift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
