To Marry Someone You're Not Even In Love With

[MainerMikeBrown]

Here's a question for everyone. Do you think some average, everyday people marry someone who they're not even in love with?

Sure, you get those who'll marry a person simply because he or she is wealthy. But aside from that, are some people so desperate to have someone by their side that they'll marry the person even though they're not in love with him/her?

 

[CaptainTurtles]

Re: To Marry Someone Your Not Even In Love With

If they are so desperate for companionship would they be trying to convince themselves they really are in love with him/her?
And are we leaving arranged marriages out of this?

 

[Natasha]

There are some people out there that are SO desperate to be loved by ANYBODY that they'll jump at the chance to marry someone, even if they're not in love w/ them. I joke all the time about marrying for money, but the truth is I couldn't promise to spend my life w/ someone that I didn't love. I believe that marriage is supposed to be forever (yes, I know, what an antiquated notion, LOL) and that it is sacred. It's not something that should be taken lightly and ended as easily as people tend to nowadays.

 

[Dana]

is stupid... end argument.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Marriage is supposed to be forever. But the operable words are 'supposed to.'

Many people don't take marriage as seriously as they should. For example, those who want to get married to their lover and "see how it works out"- come on!

 

[Mystic]

most of us don't know what love is when we get married, which i think is why a lot of us get divorce when we finally figure out we married for the wrong reasons.

 

[alice in chains]

even if they get married out of desperation, as long as they're happy, who cares? seems like they married for the same reason all people do: contentment.

 

[RedRyder]

Hubby and I married because we were in love. Not lust. L O V E.

....... next marriage will be for money. Definitely the M O N E Y.

 

[Codrus]

Hubby and I married because we were in love. Not lust. L O V E.

....... next marriage will be for tokenzes. Definitely the T O K E N Z E S.

fixed

 

[RedRyder]

fixed

Bwahahahahahahaha......

....... BTW ...... Got money? Lotz and lotz of 'real' money? Perhaps I can pencil your name in sooner than.... well.... let's just say sooner.

 

[Guyzerr]

is stupid... end argument.

What about an example like this.....

Say a couple that were in love at one time had a child together. They fall out of love over time but because the male wants to be with his child he risks it all by marrying the gal. Deep down inside he knew full well the marriage wouldn't work because he no longer loved the gal but his love for the child overruled common sense. Was he stupid for loving his kid that much and following his heart even though he knew the marriage was doomed?

 

[HK]

If my boyfriend died then after being miserable and devastated for some time, I would go out and catch a rich husband.


Bad as that sounds, I love him very much. If he was taken away from me then I'd rather just get settled with someone to pay the bills than bother trying to find someone to equal him.

 

[Niamh]

People marry for different reasons, personally, marriage means alot to me and I would never marry someone I wasn't 100% happy with and 100% in love with. But that's just me, if people want to marry for companionship or whatever who am I to judge?

 

[darkcgi]

happens all the time

 

[hart]

I didn't love my first husband and it was a mistake to marry him. I love Joe, but it aint always easy staying married. If he died I know I would definitely be in a relationship again, I am just that sort of person, I like being a couple, but marry again, I don't know.

 

[anathelia]

What about an example like this.....

Say a couple that were in love at one time had a child together. They fall out of love over time but because the male wants to be with his child he risks it all by marrying the gal. Deep down inside he knew full well the marriage wouldn't work because he no longer loved the gal but his love for the child overruled common sense. Was he stupid for loving his kid that much and following his heart even though he knew the marriage was doomed?

Well, I don't think he was "stupid", per se. But I think he was actually being unfair to his child. Having been through the divorce of my parents, which happened when I was 19 but should have happened when I was 13, I could never marry my boyfriend, whom I do have a child with, just because we have a child together. I think we both agree that if we were unhappy together that it would be better to have a civil friendship as Abigail's parents than to get married when we don't love each other just so that our daughter can have her parents together. My dad should've left my mom long before he did, and he did my brother and I absolutely no favors in sticking around. We knew he was miserable, we knew they didn't love each other, things were awkward and sucky while my mom cheated on my dad over and over again. My brother, who was 8 at the time my mom cheated on my dad initially agrees with the sentiment, so my feelings were not strictly based on the fact that I was a little older and able to better understand the situation.

 

[Guyzerr]

Well, I don't think he was "stupid", per se. But I think he was actually being unfair to his child. Having been through the divorce of my parents, which happened when I was 19 but should have happened when I was 13, I could never marry my boyfriend, whom I do have a child with, just because we have a child together. I think we both agree that if we were unhappy together that it would be better to have a civil friendship as Abigail's parents than to get married when we don't love each other just so that our daughter can have her parents together. My dad should've left my mom long before he did, and he did my brother and I absolutely no favors in sticking around. We knew he was miserable, we knew they didn't love each other, things were awkward and sucky while my mom cheated on my dad over and over again. My brother, who was 8 at the time my mom cheated on my dad initially agrees with the sentiment, so my feelings were not strictly based on the fact that I was a little older and able to better understand the situation.

To each their own I suppose. I'll expand it a bit.

The individual I was talking about was me and it was 38 years ago. Even today I don't feel as if I was being unfair to my daughter. Times were different then. Society looked at " bastards " in an entirely different light and I can't even begin to tell you how. Suffice to say the day I was getting married I spoke to someone and told him I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life to which he asked why I was doing it. The only answer I had was because of my profound love for my daughter and the need to be with her, to protect her and raise her to be a fine young lady. You see, I too was from a broken home at a very young age and always said to myself that I would never do that to my child. I've asked myself a thousand times if I could would I go back and not do it. The answer is always no because I did the best I could at the time. My daughter respects my decision and attempt and I'm proud of that.

 

[anathelia]

To each their own I suppose. I'll expand it a bit.

The individual I was talking about was me and it was 38 years ago. Even today I don't feel as if I was being unfair to my daughter. Times were different then. Society looked at " bastards " in an entirely different light and I can't even begin to tell you how. Suffice to say the day I was getting married I spoke to someone and told him I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life to which he asked why I was doing it. The only answer I had was because of my profound love for my daughter and the need to be with her, to protect her and raise her to be a fine young lady. You see, I too was from a broken home at a very young age and always said to myself that I would never do that to my child. I've asked myself a thousand times if I could would I go back and not do it. The answer is always no because I did the best I could at the time. My daughter respects my decision and attempt and I'm proud of that.

Well, that's why every person is different. We all experience things differently and choose to handle our lives in certain ways based on it. Like I said, I don't think there's anything wrong with the decision to marry for your child's sake, especially if you can make it work. But a lot of people do get married for the wrong reasons and end up hurting their children. I don't resent my father for trying to do the right thing for my brother and I at all. I just wish that he would have been able to know that the effect his relationship with my mother was having on his children. And because of that pain that we went through, my decision was based on preventing as much of that pain as possible. Abigail's father and I have been living together for most of her life, and we've been able to make it work, even when we weren't "together". When I mentioned your original situation, he told me that it depended on the situation, and he's right. If we could have been civil and content to make it work in a less than stellar romantic relationship, then we may have done that. But, I also would never treat him like my mother treated my father. I learned from her mistakes.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's pretty clear the situation is not black and white. Everyone is different, and I would never say that someone who tried to make a relationship work for the sake of their child is wrong or stupid. I think it takes a lot of strength and courage to make the right decisions for your children, whatever those decisions may be.

 

[Guyzerr]

I guess what I'm saying is that it's pretty clear the situation is not black and white. Everyone is different, and I would never say that someone who tried to make a relationship work for the sake of their child is wrong or stupid. I think it takes a lot of strength and courage to make the right decisions for your children, whatever those decisions may be.

That's what I was hoping to get because of my post. Initially I asked Dana but really never expected a reply and along came you. You said it well.

Another thread to consider being solved.

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

Some think that since they haven't found the right person to marry that they never will.

It's normal to feel this way. But feelings aren't always rational. You can't always use the past as a predictor of the future.