Mrs Behavin
Well-Known Member
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly
removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and
Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the
WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11.If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..........
THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT.....
THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly
removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and
Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the
WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know
them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11.If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES..........
THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT.....
THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
