I don't know why I chose that to be the title of the thread, but this is a synopsis of one of the strangest times of my life.
I haven't had a lot of time to visit the board lately
And yes in some part this is a pity party.. and in other parts a pat on the back to myself for some good things that have gone my way
I am having a time of very HIGH ups and super low DOWNS
first the downs
I "have" to work tomorrow for 10 hours
I have in "" cause I could always just quit or let them fire me
I am still getting over a nasty break up that occured only a couple of days ago.. It was only a 4 and 1/2 year relationship
and only thought it was the girl I was going to marry, ect
Still feeling weird about it.. like should I do the thing where I try to define all odds and try to win her back, or just let it slide
On the movie where the kid camps out in front of the girl of his dream's house is cute and nice... but lets face it in real life he is getting taken away in a straight jacket in no time
Pride isn't stopping me... I just don't have any left and I really wouldn't give a flying fuck if someone was like, "man that guy is pathetic" ect
I just don't know how I would react if it didn't work and have no clue if there is anything I could do anyways that would make a difference.
All I can do is drag myself from one task to any other til I get to lay back down.. and then I feel like someone has stabbed one of those vending machine spirals into my chest then spins it til my insides start sliding out..
btw did I meantion I have been having some fucked up dreams lately?
also christmas as been somewhat sad this year, gift cards and cash..
Don't get me wrong i am very happy to get anything at all... but I am very open and direct with things that I would like.. that even cost less than the amount of money/gift cards I get.. and I have always been vocal about my dislike of gift cards and explained I would rather have something that I really don't want if it from the heart than a gift card.. its one of the things that has made me like christmas less and less thru the years.. but that is just my pet peeve..
and everyone asking "where is soandso?" has been less than thrilling, and the one time I am talking to a friend about it the day after it all happened
I was saying something about her, and then the neighbor friend who I was telling bust out with a story about how she hates her mom.. which pissed me off
then I say something like "What sucks the most is that it has been very hard to find someone who intrigues me on a physical level, but more importantly an intellectual level" only to have her stop me mid sentence and say something like, I am not that bright I barely made it thru school bhal blah...
I was distugsted that with all my listening.. from all the time I have known these people the one time I have a problem and actually am willing to talk about it, which is like less than once a year
everyone still turns things around to make the conversation about them and their shit
I was seriously just like "ugh" like there was a bad taste in my mouth when all that happened I got up and left
Oh ya on a minor note.. my tolerance to alcohol some how for some reason just sky rocketed out of no where. I prefer it when i can just drink a little then I am toasty.. that is awesome
but the other night I was a little get together and we were drinking and I drank SOO much Vodka and I never felt it.. I drank until I actually felt full.. like after eating but I was not drunk at all. (sometimes for like 5 mins would start to feel light headed or whatever, but I just kept snapping out of it) It was really weird, and I really did want to get drunk.
and now the UPs
I will have a new job in the next few weeks that will be a hell of an increase in pay... more than double, atleast double
and it is also very close to my house like my current job
I got my 62inch TV that rocks the house (little christmas present for myself) I really do like it so much
I completely stopped smoking.. One day like 2-3 weeks ago I had a cigerette in my hand and I was going to go outside to smoke... but wanted to read something on my comp first. I read what I wanted then just stared at the cig for like 2 mins getting more and more distgusted with it the more I looked at it
and I thought about my elderly co-worker that smokes, and she just smells HORRIBLE.. not for any other reason than the smoke... and I have been around smokers my whole life, but gross
and her voice AHHH just kills me.. I am just waiting for her to hack up the frog size lump of flem in her throat... (i gag a lil just thinking about it) but anyways
I just looked at the cigerette then finally said "Gross, I don't even like smoking anymore" put it back in the box incase I changed my mind
then a week later I realized I hadn't had one... then had sex and wanted one to see if it would be good like in the movies when the two non smokers light up.. IT was soo gross I was gagging and not from the smoke or anything like when you smoke too fast... it was the actual taste... I have no idea how i have been doing it all these years..
the funny is I never meantioned it to anyone.. I just didn't think about it, and the few times I did I just didn't want to set myself up to look like someone who says they are going to stop and then "can't" I personally think that is sad... and to be honest if I didn't feel grossed out by smoking and still wanted to do it, I would... then someone asked me if i wanted to step outside with them to have a smoke and I was like, I haven't had a smoke in two weeks. Everyone had shocked looks on their faces
now I get questioned how I stopped a lot at work and at home.. apparently people just don't stop anymore.
My dad is selling his house and I am going to buy it
and get a hell of a discount, and I LOVE that house I helped to design the rooms, ect
It has high ceilings like I want, the master bedroom is Legendary with its size and closet space
Oh and he takes SUCH awesome care of the place... he added storm doors, and seep hose system to help the foundation from future problems, and so much more... it is soo awesome
the living room is more than big enough to play ping pong, ect and can set up my TV's and xboxs for Halo party night
OH and most important of all NO ROOMates
I don't hate my roomates or anything but AHHHHHHHH if another alarm clock goes off when no one is sleeping in their room I might just lose it and start putting heads on pikes...
I've already got some pikes at home depot with one of my gift cards...
speaking of another UP awesome co workers who come over once a week to play our ongoing game of risk
or when one of them can't make it Halo on 2 tv's at my current house that is infested with roommates
Owning my own home before 30 is going to ROCK the house...
all I need then is the wife and kid / kids and I will be set...
has anyone seen How I met you mom
btw my new fav show, but I feel like the guy
I am ready for a commitment, and just less than a year ago I thought a commitment was the mark of DOOM.. in just a couple of years barring I do something stupid to myself.. or something happens to me I will have the house all taken care of
and it is the house of my dreams..
Need to find the woman of my dreams and I am set... problem is this new job is going to such up SOO much of my free time I don't know how I am going to meet anyone...
One thing I thought of in passing while considering this new job was how it is awesome I already have someone, and in this great relationship Cause it is going to be next to impossible to meet someone otherwise..
I am not saying I am going to give up or anything.. I know crazy stuff can happen and you could just go grocery shopping and strike up a conversation with some attractive girl in the cereal isle and she make some cute comment cause you are getting cookie crisp when at your age you should be getting something like nut & honey/some other healthy cereal and you comment that maybe she should mind her own damn business... then you have a serious and silent moment then BAMM you are both laughing hysterically, then on your way to an awesome relationship
yeah I actually think these sort of scenarioes out... btw I know... its very, very sad
anyways, short of some chance meeting like the one meantioned above I have no idea how I am going to get into another relationship..
also it was only maybe a week ago me and my ex got "busy" and I know there is like no chance anything could have happened but I know me.. and my damn luck..
I also know her, and her lack of ever wanting kids.. and my inability to ever agree to her having an abortion/whatever if I do get a choice in the matter..
again like always the chance are extremely remote... but again my mind doesn't always listen when I am trying to put something out of thought
Well there you have it, going to sleep and face the music again tomorrow
I haven't had a lot of time to visit the board lately
And yes in some part this is a pity party.. and in other parts a pat on the back to myself for some good things that have gone my way
I am having a time of very HIGH ups and super low DOWNS
first the downs
I "have" to work tomorrow for 10 hours
I have in "" cause I could always just quit or let them fire me
I am still getting over a nasty break up that occured only a couple of days ago.. It was only a 4 and 1/2 year relationship
and only thought it was the girl I was going to marry, ect
Still feeling weird about it.. like should I do the thing where I try to define all odds and try to win her back, or just let it slide
On the movie where the kid camps out in front of the girl of his dream's house is cute and nice... but lets face it in real life he is getting taken away in a straight jacket in no time
Pride isn't stopping me... I just don't have any left and I really wouldn't give a flying fuck if someone was like, "man that guy is pathetic" ect
I just don't know how I would react if it didn't work and have no clue if there is anything I could do anyways that would make a difference.
All I can do is drag myself from one task to any other til I get to lay back down.. and then I feel like someone has stabbed one of those vending machine spirals into my chest then spins it til my insides start sliding out..
btw did I meantion I have been having some fucked up dreams lately?
also christmas as been somewhat sad this year, gift cards and cash..
Don't get me wrong i am very happy to get anything at all... but I am very open and direct with things that I would like.. that even cost less than the amount of money/gift cards I get.. and I have always been vocal about my dislike of gift cards and explained I would rather have something that I really don't want if it from the heart than a gift card.. its one of the things that has made me like christmas less and less thru the years.. but that is just my pet peeve..
and everyone asking "where is soandso?" has been less than thrilling, and the one time I am talking to a friend about it the day after it all happened
I was saying something about her, and then the neighbor friend who I was telling bust out with a story about how she hates her mom.. which pissed me off
then I say something like "What sucks the most is that it has been very hard to find someone who intrigues me on a physical level, but more importantly an intellectual level" only to have her stop me mid sentence and say something like, I am not that bright I barely made it thru school bhal blah...
I was distugsted that with all my listening.. from all the time I have known these people the one time I have a problem and actually am willing to talk about it, which is like less than once a year
everyone still turns things around to make the conversation about them and their shit
I was seriously just like "ugh" like there was a bad taste in my mouth when all that happened I got up and left
Oh ya on a minor note.. my tolerance to alcohol some how for some reason just sky rocketed out of no where. I prefer it when i can just drink a little then I am toasty.. that is awesome
but the other night I was a little get together and we were drinking and I drank SOO much Vodka and I never felt it.. I drank until I actually felt full.. like after eating but I was not drunk at all. (sometimes for like 5 mins would start to feel light headed or whatever, but I just kept snapping out of it) It was really weird, and I really did want to get drunk.
and now the UPs
I will have a new job in the next few weeks that will be a hell of an increase in pay... more than double, atleast double
and it is also very close to my house like my current job
I got my 62inch TV that rocks the house (little christmas present for myself) I really do like it so much
I completely stopped smoking.. One day like 2-3 weeks ago I had a cigerette in my hand and I was going to go outside to smoke... but wanted to read something on my comp first. I read what I wanted then just stared at the cig for like 2 mins getting more and more distgusted with it the more I looked at it
and I thought about my elderly co-worker that smokes, and she just smells HORRIBLE.. not for any other reason than the smoke... and I have been around smokers my whole life, but gross
and her voice AHHH just kills me.. I am just waiting for her to hack up the frog size lump of flem in her throat... (i gag a lil just thinking about it) but anyways
I just looked at the cigerette then finally said "Gross, I don't even like smoking anymore" put it back in the box incase I changed my mind
then a week later I realized I hadn't had one... then had sex and wanted one to see if it would be good like in the movies when the two non smokers light up.. IT was soo gross I was gagging and not from the smoke or anything like when you smoke too fast... it was the actual taste... I have no idea how i have been doing it all these years..
the funny is I never meantioned it to anyone.. I just didn't think about it, and the few times I did I just didn't want to set myself up to look like someone who says they are going to stop and then "can't" I personally think that is sad... and to be honest if I didn't feel grossed out by smoking and still wanted to do it, I would... then someone asked me if i wanted to step outside with them to have a smoke and I was like, I haven't had a smoke in two weeks. Everyone had shocked looks on their faces
now I get questioned how I stopped a lot at work and at home.. apparently people just don't stop anymore.
My dad is selling his house and I am going to buy it
and get a hell of a discount, and I LOVE that house I helped to design the rooms, ect
It has high ceilings like I want, the master bedroom is Legendary with its size and closet space
Oh and he takes SUCH awesome care of the place... he added storm doors, and seep hose system to help the foundation from future problems, and so much more... it is soo awesome
the living room is more than big enough to play ping pong, ect and can set up my TV's and xboxs for Halo party night
OH and most important of all NO ROOMates
I don't hate my roomates or anything but AHHHHHHHH if another alarm clock goes off when no one is sleeping in their room I might just lose it and start putting heads on pikes...
I've already got some pikes at home depot with one of my gift cards...
speaking of another UP awesome co workers who come over once a week to play our ongoing game of risk
or when one of them can't make it Halo on 2 tv's at my current house that is infested with roommates
Owning my own home before 30 is going to ROCK the house...
all I need then is the wife and kid / kids and I will be set...
has anyone seen How I met you mom
btw my new fav show, but I feel like the guy
I am ready for a commitment, and just less than a year ago I thought a commitment was the mark of DOOM.. in just a couple of years barring I do something stupid to myself.. or something happens to me I will have the house all taken care of
and it is the house of my dreams..
Need to find the woman of my dreams and I am set... problem is this new job is going to such up SOO much of my free time I don't know how I am going to meet anyone...
One thing I thought of in passing while considering this new job was how it is awesome I already have someone, and in this great relationship Cause it is going to be next to impossible to meet someone otherwise..
I am not saying I am going to give up or anything.. I know crazy stuff can happen and you could just go grocery shopping and strike up a conversation with some attractive girl in the cereal isle and she make some cute comment cause you are getting cookie crisp when at your age you should be getting something like nut & honey/some other healthy cereal and you comment that maybe she should mind her own damn business... then you have a serious and silent moment then BAMM you are both laughing hysterically, then on your way to an awesome relationship
yeah I actually think these sort of scenarioes out... btw I know... its very, very sad
anyways, short of some chance meeting like the one meantioned above I have no idea how I am going to get into another relationship..
also it was only maybe a week ago me and my ex got "busy" and I know there is like no chance anything could have happened but I know me.. and my damn luck..
I also know her, and her lack of ever wanting kids.. and my inability to ever agree to her having an abortion/whatever if I do get a choice in the matter..
again like always the chance are extremely remote... but again my mind doesn't always listen when I am trying to put something out of thought
Well there you have it, going to sleep and face the music again tomorrow
