redsMULLT1
Active Member
>> DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
>>
>>
>>
>> December 8 - 6:00 PM
>>
>> It started to snow. The first snow of the
>> season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat
>> for hours by the window watching the huge soft
>> flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
>> Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
>> newlyweds again. I love snow!
>>
>>
>>
>> December 9
>>
>> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
>> snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
>> fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place
>> in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea
>> I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years
>> and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway
>> and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plough
>> came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed
>> in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
>> perfect life!
>>
>>
>>
>> December 12
>>
>> The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>> disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
>> we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
>> Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
>> much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want
>> to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
>> Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 14
>>
>> Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
>> temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes
>> everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>> away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
>> sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plough came
>> back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
>> didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
>> shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
>> way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 15
>> 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a
>> 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car
>> and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
>> wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
>> I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after
>> all.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 16
>>
>> Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the
>> ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like
>> hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think
>> was very cruel.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are
>> too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5
>> hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
>> Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
>> irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
>> stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it
>> when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to
>> death in my own living room.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 20
>>
>> Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches
>> of the damn stuff last night. More #$%^&**
>> shoveling! Took all day. The damn snow plough came
>> by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
>> but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I
>> think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
>> around to see about buying a snow blower and they're
>> out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
>> they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the
>> city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
>> lying.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 22
>>
>> Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
>> more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's
>> so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took
>> me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
>> shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got
>> undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired
>> to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on
>> his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
>> he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 23
>>
>> Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up
>> to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of
>> the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why
>> didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
>> she did but I think she's lying.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 24
>> 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plough, I
>> broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart
>> attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who
>> drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the
>> snow by his balls and beat him to death with my
>> broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner
>> and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
>> comes down t he street at a 100 miles an hour and
>> throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
>> the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
>> and open our presents, but I was too busy watching
>> for the !@#$$%^%^^&& snow plough.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 25
>>
>> Merry ------- Christmas! 20 more inches of the
>> damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of
>> shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
>> snow! Then the snow plough driver came by asking
>> for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
>> shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I
>> think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch
>> 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to
>> stuff her into the microwave.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 26
>>
>> Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move
>> here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on
>> my nerves.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 27
>>
>> Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
>> plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
>> only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 28
>>
>> Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The
>> BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
>>
>>
>>
>> December 29
>> 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the
>> roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing
>> I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>>
>>
>>
>> December 30
>>
>> Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough
>> driver, and now he is suing me for a million
>> dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also
>> for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his
>> ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more
>> inches predicted.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 31
>>
>> I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
>> shoveling.
>>
>>
>>
>> January 8
>>
>> Feels so good. I just love those little white
>> pills they keep giving me. Wonder why they tied me
>> to this bed??
>>
>>
>>
>> heh heh heh heh
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> December 8 - 6:00 PM
>>
>> It started to snow. The first snow of the
>> season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat
>> for hours by the window watching the huge soft
>> flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
>> Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
>> newlyweds again. I love snow!
>>
>>
>>
>> December 9
>>
>> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
>> snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a
>> fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place
>> in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea
>> I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years
>> and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway
>> and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plough
>> came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed
>> in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a
>> perfect life!
>>
>>
>>
>> December 12
>>
>> The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>> disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
>> we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
>> Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
>> much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want
>> to see snow again. I don't think that's possible.
>> Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 14
>>
>> Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
>> temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes
>> everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>> away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
>> sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plough came
>> back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
>> didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
>> shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this
>> way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 15
>> 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a
>> 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car
>> and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife
>> wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
>> I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after
>> all.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 16
>>
>> Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the
>> ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like
>> hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think
>> was very cruel.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are
>> too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5
>> hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
>> Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
>> irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
>> stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it
>> when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to
>> death in my own living room.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 20
>>
>> Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches
>> of the damn stuff last night. More #$%^&**
>> shoveling! Took all day. The damn snow plough came
>> by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
>> but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I
>> think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
>> around to see about buying a snow blower and they're
>> out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
>> they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the
>> city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
>> lying.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 22
>>
>> Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
>> more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's
>> so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took
>> me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
>> shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got
>> undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired
>> to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on
>> his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
>> he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 23
>>
>> Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up
>> to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of
>> the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why
>> didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
>> she did but I think she's lying.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 24
>> 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plough, I
>> broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart
>> attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who
>> drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the
>> snow by his balls and beat him to death with my
>> broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner
>> and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
>> comes down t he street at a 100 miles an hour and
>> throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
>> the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
>> and open our presents, but I was too busy watching
>> for the !@#$$%^%^^&& snow plough.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 25
>>
>> Merry ------- Christmas! 20 more inches of the
>> damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of
>> shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
>> snow! Then the snow plough driver came by asking
>> for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
>> shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I
>> think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch
>> 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to
>> stuff her into the microwave.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 26
>>
>> Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move
>> here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on
>> my nerves.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 27
>>
>> Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
>> plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
>> only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 28
>>
>> Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The
>> BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
>>
>>
>>
>> December 29
>> 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the
>> roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing
>> I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
>>
>>
>>
>> December 30
>>
>> Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough
>> driver, and now he is suing me for a million
>> dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also
>> for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his
>> ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more
>> inches predicted.
>>
>>
>>
>> December 31
>>
>> I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
>> shoveling.
>>
>>
>>
>> January 8
>>
>> Feels so good. I just love those little white
>> pills they keep giving me. Wonder why they tied me
>> to this bed??
>>
>>
>>
>> heh heh heh heh
>>
