Smart Ass Comebacks

[Johnfromokc]

What are some of your favorite comeback phrases to other peoples stupid comments? One of my favorites?

Yeah? Well how 'bout you eat a nice big bowl of fuck?

 

[Natasha]

Only time I ever made a guy speechless was one day when an employee asked me "can I ask a stupid question?" and I said "better than anybody I know!!!" :tooth

 

[Tim]

Her: Do this dress make me look fat?
Him: The dress doesn't have anything to do with it.

 

[Tim]

I'll use this one once in a while...

While checking out in the store, if the cashier says, "Have a nice day." I will respond with, "Thanks, but I have other plans."

 

[Trance97]

"Are you pissed?" works everytime in a argument when the other person is obviously getting pissed.

 

[Accountable]

Oh, I have a million of 'em for the classroom:

Sir, can I ask a question?

Yes, but only that one.
​

May I go to the restroom?

AGAIN??!?​

What do you mean? I haven't gone today.
So why would you want to ruin your record?

(upon being given an assignment) Do we have to answer ALL the questions?

Absolutely not! This is the YOUnited States of America. Land of the Free. Home of the Brave. I gave over 20 years of my life so that you would be guaranteed the right to make any decision you want. ......... of course, there are consequences to any decision. *walk away*
​

*raised hand* Sir! I need help.

I agree.
​

 

[Joe the meek]

"There is no such thing as a dumb question"

will get

"No, but there sure are some dumb people"

 

[Kakapo Dundee]

[h=1]Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem[/h]​

 

[Springsteen]

This is a get caught speeding one but it only works if the cop says "I've been waiting for you all day", your reply should be "I got here as quick as I could."

 

[MainerMikeBrown]

If someone says something insulting to me on purpose I'll sometimes say "Well I'm not too impressed with you either!"

 

[boombala]

You're (or he's/she's) a half a bubble short of a plumb.

 

[Kakapo Dundee]

Let's play hide and seek! Go jump back on the short bus and count to potato!