Random PW Thread - Part 3

[Leah Love]

Chapter One: Survival

Uhm, do you accept constructing criticism?

 

[Ryder]

Of course I do.

 

[SammyStephens]

*rubs eyes*

Morning!!

 

[Ryder]

Anything to make me a better writer.

 

[jassilem]

*rubs eyes*

Morning!!

Morning.

 

[SammyStephens]

Morning.

Morning nice lady!!

 

[jassilem]

Morning nice lady!!

How are you doing this morning?

 

[SammyStephens]

How are you doing this morning?

UFC event today, I am pumped up and ready to go!!!!

 

[jassilem]

UFC event today, I am pumped up and ready to go!!!!

Good for you.:thumbup

 

[BeautifulHeart]

Hey sammy

 

[SammyStephens]

Good for you.:thumbup

Yep. a long awaited matchup for me as the main event, been waiting about 5 years for this fight to happen

Hey sammy

Hi

 

[Leah Love]

Of course I do.

First of all, don't put everything into one single paragraph. It's a hell of a time reading it. when you move to a new topic, or a dialog starts,start a new paragraph.

Then second, too much information in to little time. I have no idea who is who and couldn't really remember any information because I was bombarded with too much of it.

Take time to introduce your characters. And don't be "on the nose" with their appearance. For an example. "Chris shot his brother a look, the twinkle in his blue eyes specking volumes."

Don't tell everything to the reader on the spot. Have them guessing. Thee should be always something to motivate the reader to read along. You don't have to write down that their are the outcasts right away. Lead the reader slowly along.

Should I continue? LoL

 

[Ryder]

What up dude?

 

[Ryder]

First of all, don't put everything into one single paragraph. It's a hell of a time reading it. when you move to a new topic, or a dialog starts,start a new paragraph.

Then second, too much information in to little time. I have no idea who is who and couldn't really remember any information because I was bombarded with too much of it.

Take time to introduce your characters. And don't be "on the nose" with their appearance. For an example. "Chris shot his brother a look, the twinkle in his blue eyes specking volumes."

Don't tell everything to the reader on the spot. Have them guessing. Thee should be always something to motivate the reader to read along. You don't have to write down that their are the outcasts right away. Lead the reader slowly along.

Should I continue? LoL

Thanks I guess?

 

[Leah Love]

*rubs eyes*

Morning!!

Morning banana

 

[Leah Love]

Thanks I guess?

I would take a wild guess and say you are not really happy what I said up there right?

 

[Ryder]

My sister is the best writer I know and she took the whole thing I made to her school. She loves it.

 

[Leah Love]

Thanks I guess?

Oh and one more thing. Always write something and in the way you would enjoy reading it.

 

[SammyStephens]

Morning banana

 

[Leah Love]

My sister is the best writer I know and she took the whole thing I made to her school. She loves it.

I didn't say I don't like it, but you have a long way to go.
Not like I don't. I'm not a great writer either. No one is perfect. The trick is to always learn and improve.