Polyamoury and Open Relationships

[kertha]

Have you ever been in an open relationship?
What sort of issues did it bring up? Did it make your relationship stronger or worse? Are you still in an open relationship?

What would you think of a friend or family member if you found out that they were polyamourous?
Would you think less of them? Would it make you feel uncomfortable around them?

 

[AUFred]

People are what people are. I was raised to believe that you are committed to one person in a relationship. I do not believe I would be comfortable in an open relationship but I would not condemn others unless there are children involved. In my mind it leads to unstable relationships. Children need stable relationships as an example.

 

[Godsloveapples]

I do not believe in open relationships or polyamoury because these types of relationships are mainly for sexual fulfillment which eventually wear off. I agree with AUFred that it leads to unstable relationships and problems.

 

[MMMMatilde]

I think everyone is different and is entitled to have whatever relationship they want.

Granted it is from what we consider the norm but so were homosexual relationships (and in a way, they still are). I would not judge and say that a child being brought up in a polyamerous relationship would have any less of a role model than that of some of the parents I meet today.

I grew up with, in a way, one parent. My views on relationships and their stability was not based on my Mum but on those around me, those that I saw on TV, my grandparents.

I don't think its right to impose your strict views of relationships on your kids, I think you need to be open enough for them to feel comfortable to be able to choose their own way and have all the information.

Saying all that I get jealous very easily. I'm a one man woman. I do have some major celebrity crushes that I wouldn't mind having on the side though

 

[porterjack]

for the most part humans are not emotionally stable enough to cope

jealousy rages

 

[The Man]

Against open relationships for any long term commitments.

 

[Aries]

If the love is true, you wouldn't need another.

 

[porterjack]

springsteen lyric?

 

[Aries]

springsteen lyric?

No, but it should be! I think I'll send it to him.

 

[NuckingFuts]

I have never been in a open relationship and never will be. It's just not right.

 

[HELLOnamesdana]

I'm fascinated by cultures and people who participate in relationships such as these, but it's definitely not for me. I keep the same sort of view on it like I do with everything else; if it works for them then they should be free to do what they want as long as it isn't hurting them or anyone else around them.

 

[missbishi]

Oh no, I couldn't bear it. Two boyfriends? One is hard enough work as it is, I really don't think I could cope with two lots of whining!

To each their own though. I'd never judge someone for a lifestyle choice like this (as long as they were being safe, or course!), but it's just not something I'd be interested in pursuing.

 

[Gemma]

I haven't personally tried it. That type of relationship is a lot of work to maintain. People have to be the right match and on the same page. I'm not strictly opposed to the idea in the right circumstances, for the right person. I think we'd be more likely to agree to a temporary open relationship to allow one of us to 'have fun' with a different person than we would be to agree on a specific person to enter into a closed poly relationship with.

I do know three people who have been 'together' for as long as I've been with my partner (just over 10 years). Their little family is closed poly, just the three of them. To an outsider, it looks like a couple with a roommate but that's not actually what's going on. They're happy together. We're close friends so I've seen some of the minor conflicts and I'm always impressed by how maturely they discuss things and resolve issues. Their kids, ages 1 & 4 seem to be happy and well adjusted. I envy their ability to have both a dual income family AND a full time stay at home parent.

 

[HELLOnamesdana]

Oh no, I couldn't bear it. Two boyfriends? One is hard enough work as it is, I really don't think I could cope with two lots of whining!

To each their own though. I'd never judge someone for a lifestyle choice like this (as long as they were being safe, or course!), but it's just not something I'd be interested in pursuing.

Yeah that's basically how I feel about it. I can't even manage to get one guy to like me, let alone more than that! Haha.

 

[Kitty Kat]

Sometimes I wish that back in 2007 that I were open to the idea of an open relationship. If I were then maybe things would've turned out differently and I wouldn't have hurt either of the guys I was involved with. Instead though I did a really stupid thing. I fell in love with this one guy but he always told me that he didn't see me in the same light. We had a friends with benefits type of relationship... Anyways, long story short I ended up dating another guy but as soon as I did that the other guy (who I was still in love with) suddenly wanted me now. I should've just broken up with my boyfriend cuz at the time he cared for me and loved me more than I loved him... If only I had done that but I didn't. Instead I cheated on my boyfriend with the other guy until I eventually broke up with my boyfriend cuz I felt so incredibly guilty over hurting him like that. I didn't tell him that I had cheated on him until a couple of months later but he forgave me and he said that I was "the one" and so we got back together at some point. Even though I was still in love with this other guy, I got back together with my boyfriend, even though the love for this other guy was much more stronger and I felt more connected to him.

I was a weak-willed naive girl back then... I often wish I could go back in time and change what happened but unfortunately time travel doesn't exist yet and even if it did there's that whole "butterfly effect" thing. I should also note that the relationships that I had with both of these guys were internet relationships. Until my boyfriend came to my state and visited me back in 2009, we hadn't met in person face-to-face. Cuz, they were internet relationships the other guy never saw what I was doing with him as cheating on my boyfriend. I guess maybe technically it wasn't since we were never in the same room together in person whenever we had cybered, sexted or had phone sex. Still though, the intent was there and if we had ever met in person then I probably wouldn't be able to resist and I would have cheated for real. I made my relationship with both of these guys so complicated and it turned out that the guy I was truly in love with did feel the same way about me, in fact he had been in love with me since we first met online all the way back in November of '04. He just didn't tell me any of this until it was too late. He finally admitted his true feelings to me in 2010, I was still with my boyfriend and I hated myself for what I had done before though so I stayed with my boyfriend.

He was in love with me still though and our feelings were mutual, I was still in love with him as well. In retrospect I should've just ended things with my boyfriend but I didn't for some reason... I think that maybe I was just scared. I was also kinda stuck cuz I was going to a convention that year, Otakon, and my boyfriends parents had already bought me my plane tickets and paid for 2 hotel rooms... I was supposed to finally be able to meet up with the other guy like he and I had planned for 3 years but cuz I was still with my boyfriend and his parents had already paid for all of that I couldn't just go and break up with my boyfriend it wouldn't have been right. So, instead I told the other guy that we couldn't have the date that we had planned on having for 3 whole years cuz things had changed and I was in a relationship now and I couldn't just end it due to circumstances. He didn't take that well and we almost stopped being friends a few times cuz of my indecision. It was too painful for him for us to be friends and nothing more but in the end we stayed friends.

If only I had done things differently though then maybe circumstances would've been different and the other guy would still be here. We had our last AIM convo on May 24th, 2010 and our last phone call later on that weekend I believe our last phone call was on May 29th, 2010. A week later though he over dosed on prescription pain meds. I had no idea that had happened until 4 months later when I randomly IMed his little brother on AIM cuz I was confused as to why I hadn't seen his brother online in so long. I asked his little brother if his brother was angry with me or something and just didn't want to be friends anymore. I thought that maybe he had blocked me on AIM but then I learned the truth from his little brother and my life has never been the same ever since. Before anyone jumps to conclusions no, he didn't kill himself on purpose, it was an accidental overdose. Anyways, lately he has been on my mind more and more, I think maybe that's cuz it's almost been 5 years since I found out he had died. I just wish that I had done things differently, if only I had done things differently then maybe he wouldn't have over dosed that day, maybe we would've talked on the phone, maybe he would still be here. Unfortunately I will never know the answers to those questions that I can't seem to shake...

Sorry for the super long post... I'm not very good at summarizing things... ^^;

 

[AUFred]

good to write down your thoughts sometimes.

 

[Kitty Kat]

good to write down your thoughts sometimes.

Heh yeah, I tend to write down my feelings and they sometimes turn into poetry or song lyrics.

 

[RUBESH]

Open relationships and polyamory include having numerous intimate or sexual relationships at the same time, with all sides' permission and awareness. These kinds of relationships can be beneficial for some individuals, however they can also present a number of obstacles and issues, such as enviousness, challenges with communication, and managing boundaries.

 

[Chibson]

I do not believe in open relationships or polyamoury because these types of relationships are mainly for sexual fulfillment which eventually wear off. I agree with AUFred that it leads to unstable relationships and problems.

Probably, any relationship that is centred around sexual pleasure will probably wear off some day. When the both partners are tired of each other they will probably try to cheat.

 

[Ravenfreak]

I am a firm believer that adults should be able to live a happy life and if they want to be in a open relationship and it works for them, then who am I to judge? Even if children are involved, as long as those children are being raised in a nurturing and caring home with all adults taking care of them properly then it's fine. Just because it won't work for you, doesn't mean it won't work for everyone else.